Ways to Not Think

The new Disney movie "The Game Plan" is a great movie (very cute) to help get my mind off all the shit that is going on in my life at this moment in time. I actually found myself laughing at times and it was a very cute (although yes Disney like, always with a happy ending) movie. The movie "Strays" while providing some very good Vin Diesel footage, sucked. The Westminster dog show thing can be very entertaining. There were actually 2 corgis who got chosen 3rd and 4th place in the herding breeds. It was a kick to watch though because the handlers of course use treats to get the dogs to do their stuff. They have treats in their hands, put them up to the dogs mouth and let the dog nibble on it but not actually give the dog the treat. They kept commenting on how the dog watches the handler all the time. No duh. The dog is thinking "give me the damn treat, now!" The swiffer commercial was only funny the first 2 times, the same commercial the following 40 times was a bit redundant. There was also a commercial (real or fake?) about how they are trying to recreate the T-Rex from old DNA. Ok, did you all not watch Jurrasic Park? It really didn't end so well for them. Thank goodness for USA network and the Law and Order marathon. Not into watching football this weekend. Thank goodness also for caller ID. I just don't feel at this point like explaining everything to everyone and this has helped me avoid a couple of calls at this time. I will call everyone back eventually but right now it's more than I can deal with. The current numbness is somewhat comforting.
I've been trying really hard to not think too much about all this. Failing but trying anyways. When I think about it I find my mind wandering down that hope filled path of getting a call tomorrow that my beta is fine and the bleeding is nothing. It still continues. Still with clots from time to time. It seemed to almost stop yesterday when I decided to try an extra dose of some prometrium that I still had around but then several hours later picked up again. No cramping anymore and I never did have any that was even has bad as usual period cramps. I still have a line on the HPT that is the same. Not lighter, not darker. I have avoided the digital test because in all honesty, I don't want to see the "not pregnant" so I guess part of me still wants to hang on to hope. I've been mad, sad, cried, and just don't know what to think or feel any more. I guess tomorrow should give me some answers finally.