Where Did Spring Go?

Ok it feels like winter here again. It's been cold and windy now for a few days and I'm not enjoying it. Especially since for the first time in like forever I'm actually cold. I'm also a little bit bored and hungry. Yes I'm still figuring that to some extent this is a mental thing but I am also actually physically hungry. The broth and jello? Really aren't cutting it either. A trip to the grocery store felt like pure torture since all I was getting was broth and popsicles. I'm actually getting a little tired of all sweet stuff. I can't wait until next week when I get to move to cottage cheese and beans and stuff like that. I'm so looking forward to it. Even if it's only a tablespoon or so. Yes I've also made an appointment with a counselor on Monday to discuss my current food freak out. Cause at this moment in time I don't feel like I'm coping all that well. I wanted so badly today to go through the drive through at Bur*ger King and offer them 50 cents for a single french fry. I'm trying to drink my protein drinks but I'm having a hard time getting them in. It's something else sweet and it's liquid. I know this is probably all just part of the process but it's still frustrating and sort of scary. I keep telling myself it's great when I look at the scale (and it is great each morning when I hop on and it's went down even more) but later in the day it's a bit harder to remember that. Another thought is why do I weigh one thing first thing in the morning and then later in the day can be like 3-4 pounds heavier? What the hell is with that.

I'm trying to focus on other stuff. I'm trying to get reading done although there seems to be a lot about food in books. I recently joined paper-back swap after Mrs. Spock told me about it and I feel a bit like a kid in a candy shop looking through all those books and finding new stuff all the time. It's so cool. So I have lots of books waiting or on the way. I go out for a walk every day even though the last couple of days it's been colder than crap here. Speaking of which maybe I should go do that before it starts to rain again. Hmm.

Still Here

I'm still here. Post surgical I'm feeling great. I probably don't really need the pain medication for surgery associated pain and I'm feeling fine. The cold/sinus problem is still kicking my ass. I have had almost non-stop sinus pain since Saturday. Nothing has helped. I'm still sneezing like crazy too. I've taken tylenol, I even cheated and took some tylenol cold and sinus (I'm not supposed to be taking any pills yet) which didn't help either. My liquid pain medication sometimes helps so even though I don't really need it for the surgery I'm still taking it some. Today I finally went and bought a neti pot and I'll see if that helps. If not tomorrow I'll haul my ass into urgent care and beg for mercy. I truly don't think it's bacterial and therefore I don't need antibiotics but I'm so tired of it hurting so much. Otherwise all is mostly well. I actually put on a pair of denim capri pants today and they don't bother me. Of course I'm down far enough where they aren't tight on me at all. I'm down 12 pounds in one week. Yes that is a fabulous feeling. I'm still doing the clear liquid diet which is getting a little boring. I'm not often hungry but have caught myself craving various foods. Sometimes just the next step in my diet which will be pureed soft stuff like cottage cheese or pureed chicken. Other times I crave other not so healthy things. Mostly when I see it. Like I just checked my mail and had the weekly flyer's from various restaurants. The top page was for pizza and I had that momentary thought of "oh how I'd love just a slice of pizza" Those cravings kind of scare me a little but I'm trying to work my way through them and since I'm usually not hungry at all I know that for the most part it's a mental craving much more than anything else. So funny how the mind wants foods even more than the body does.

Thank Goodness It's Monday

Yeah, I never thought I'd say that either. I was so freaking happy though that I could finally call the pharmacy and ask them to send the pain med script to a pharmacy closer to home so I could go pick it up. I drove as they said I could drive when I wasn't on pain meds any more. Driving wasn't bad though I'm happy to go without for a few more days. I couldn't stop thinking what would happen if I got in a fender bender and the damn airbag hit my stomach.

Today has been better. I'm not as uncomfortable now that I've got the pain meds again. Plus the bloating from the gas they use for laparoscopic surgery is finally nearly gone which is way better. I'm still not sure about pants with waist bands but I'm guessing I'll have to figure it out soon. I had gotten a pair of pants at tar&get a few weeks back that looked like great post op pants. They're the woven cotton, wide leg, capri sort with not much of a waist band. I bought a pair even though I had been telling myself that I didn't need to buy any more clothes. I'm glad I did. They had no elastic at the waist and were great for right after surgery when I couldn't stand the feeling of anything on my stomach. Now however they're getting to big quickly. They were roomy to begin with and now when I walk they start falling off. Which is a nice feeling but I'll have to figure something else out soon I think. The day I was released from the hospital I had of course hopped on the scale only to be horrified that I weighed more than I had when I went in the day before. Yes I know it's fluid weight etc since during surgery they dump fluids in you. Still it was sucky. Two days ago I was back down to my surgery day weight. Now I'm down even more. I'm trying (and failing) not to weigh myself daily but it's oh so much fun to watch those numbers drop every day! Another interesting thing I've noticed since surgery is that I'm someone who's usually overly warm. Year round (and yet I decided to settle in Fresno that's hotter than hell in the summer? Go figure). The last few days I've been content with my regular temperature and it's running about 75 to 78 in the house. I couple of times I've turned on the A/C but then I start getting cold. Right now it's set to come on only if the temp goes above 78. I don't know if that's related to surgery or just that I'm really acclimated to California. Either way it's good for my electric bill.

Right now I'm focusing on getting my fluids in and I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing ok with the liquids and while I've had a few cravings none have been overwhelming. I also haven't craved soda at all. Yay me!!! I need to start getting out and going for little walks now too. I'm also hoping that I'll be feeling good enough by the end of the week that maybe I can go do some stuff. I'd really love to spend a day at the beach and there is a cat fancier show coming up in Fresno that I'd love to go to. Maybe even the tattoo convention that's happening here this coming weekend.

Ugg

So I've had a little bit of a sore throat since surgery which isn't really all that uncommon. I've never had one before after surgery but ok I'll live. Then yesterday I noticed my sinuses were hurting and I was sneezing. A lot. I don't know if this is something I picked up right before surgery or after, my room mate in the hospital was coughing a lot and sounded awful. Another reason I was so intent on getting out of there as soon as possible. Today it seems to be a full blown head cold. Oh goody. There really should be rules against that kind of thing. In addition to that I'm pretty much almost out of pain medication. In the hospital they had me taking 1-2 tablespoons of the liquid med but the bottle for home directs to take 1-2 teaspoons. Which really wasn't cutting it you know, since it's basically a pediatric dose and all. So I've had several times when I've taken a tablespoon which has made life doable. I did call the on call doc yesterday and was told yes this was ok. Down side is that they hadn't allowed for that in the bottle and I've got maybe one dose left. And the pharmacy I filled the script at is only open Monday through Friday hence I can't get my refill that I still have. So I've been trying to ration the meds and just try to tough it out. And I'm a big baby because that isn't working all that well. Especially not with the cold too.

Otherwise I'm ok. I'm managing my fluid intake fine and no nausea etc. Now to just manage through the next 24 hours until the pharmacy at work opens up again. I did finally manage to get caught up on my blog reading and my reader is empty. That's nice. Now lets see if I can keep up for a couple of weeks anyways.

Home

So I managed to talk my way out of the hospital yesterday. I was discharged at around 5:30pm and I was so happy to get home. I pretty much came home and went to bed and slept hard. To the point where one of my friends called me and I have no recollection of the conversation. He said I was coherent so I suppose that's a good thing.

I'm mostly doing pretty well. I'm still pretty sore and feel very bloated. I have 6 smallish incisions on my abdomen and a lot of bruising both from the incisions and from the heparin injections. But I'm up walking around and I'm tolerating oral fluids. I'm still on a clear liquid diet and will be for a couple of more weeks but I've had no problems with tolerating it which is great. Pain is mostly managed by my pain medication. Kitties were glad to see me home but don't get why they can't walk across my stomach right now. I feel way better than yesterday which is a good thing. So I'm just going to keep working on getting enough oral fluids in and up walking around and the throw some extra sleep in there too because it feels so good. Thank you everyone for all your warm wishes. They are so appreciated.

Doing Great

Hi everyone, just a quick post to say I'm doing great. Uncomfortable but not unbearable. I've been up walking around several times and am doing well with fluids. No nausea etc. I do have an infilltrated IV at this moment which makes typing difficult at best so I won't type more. I just wanted to let everyone know though that I was ok. I just got my computer as I left it at home for a friend to bring by after work.

Tomorrow

Hard to believe that tomorrow is almost here. Thank you everyone for the comments on my hair. I appreciate it.

Today hasn't been too bad. The cleanse stuff hasn't been that bad really either. Drinking it was the worst and it was only 10 oz. I think because I had done the clear liquids yesterday there just wasn't a lot left in there. Jello is getting boring but Popsicles are my friend. I'm loving the Popsicles.

Today I've kept busy though. I finally got the CD rack anchored to the wall. Of course there is a big ass hole in the wall now where I had to push the anchor thing through. It also took me several trips. I had bought some smaller things that you screw into the wall and they kept breaking so I went to l0wes and an employee I grabbed to help me showed me different ones to try that would work more effectively (although not easier). I got home and needed a bigger drill bit so back to L0wes again for another drill bit. All of this while I felt like every move might make me poop my pants. That would have been highly embarrassing. The house is mostly all picked up, laundry is done and bedding has been changed. My goal for tonight is to try to get to bed early as I need to be up at 4 to shower etc. Reality is that I likely won't be getting to bed that early.

At any rate I'll try to post something tomorrow as soon as I'm awake enough to not drool on my keyboard.

New Do

So tonight was my hair appointment and it's all cut off now and I'm more of a reddish color. I really like it although this picture doesn't really show it that well. As soon as I finished I ran over to my friends house so she could take a picture with my camera and guess what. The batteries were dead. So instead I resorted to taking a picture of myself in the mirror. At any rate I feel so much lighter and cooler. I love having my hair off my neck and I think this is going to be super easy to fix now.

Today was of course day one of the clear liquid diet. Lets just say it sucked. I started off ok but then by 2 or so I was getting a pretty decent headache and I was hungry and getting crabby. My broth and jello didn't do much to alleviate the hunger which all started to freak me out some as all I could think of was "oh my God, what if I'm so hungry like this after surgery and I can't eat anything?" I know I won't be but still it was frustrating and unnerving. Then driving home from my hair appointment all the fast food places I drove by felt like they were calling out to me saying "come eat here!" I came home to more broth and jello. Yum. Tomorrow I have to drink the nasty cleanse your GI tract stuff. Oh goody. Then maybe in between sitting on the toilet I'll finish rearranging my living room. One more day.

Before And After

Busy weekend so far. Lots to get done. I'm so far behind on blog reading that I'm almost afraid to open my reader. This morning there were 100 posts in there.

I'm trying to make sure my house is pretty clean since there may be people coming over after surgery etc and I don't want them to see it at it's worst. I don't know whether I will get to dusting/polishing the furniture but I've got the bathroom partially cleaned, the kitchen cleaned up and the whole place vacuumed. I have a few things I'll do on Tuesday and then I should be all ready.

The last month has gone by so quickly. I've been getting a little bit more nervous the last couple of days and have noticed that I'm wanting to eat more of the things that I know I won't be eating for quite a while. I'm trying to restrain myself mostly though as I'd rather not walk into the hospital on surgery day weighing more than I did at my pre-op appointment when he told me to not go crazy eating. This last week when my friend was here I had her take some before pictures of me. I got a front and side view of me in clothes (which are sort of horrifying to look at) which are below and one of me in bra and panties which I will NOT be posting. I have to admit that often I don't see myself as being as big as I am until I see a picture of myself. It's kind of depressing. I'll be so glad to say good bye to a lot of the extra weight.

The after mentioned in the title is the after pic of the inside of my fridge. I've been cleaning out my fridge and freezer, getting rid of the stuff that's just plain old or that I will likely never eat. I also am stocked up on protein drinks and jello. Lots of clear liquid stuff for the coming couple of weeks. I start drinking all that tomorrow. And yes I'm drinking my soda right up until the last minute. I got quite a few different flavors of the protein drinks so that I can try them and decide which ones I like best. I was so happy to finally find something that didn't taste awful.

So, that's my weekend. So far at least. I'm finishing up laundry for the week. Oh and I have an appointment tomorrow evening after work to chop off my hair. I will try to get someone to take a picture of it afterwards so I can post that as well.

Finally

Well, good ol' AF finally put in her appearance. About freaking time. So now I can relax about surgery. Ha ha. I'm actually not too nervous though. A little nervous but not horrible. I'm excited and right now am so hopeful. Right now I feel like anything is possible which is a good feeling. I know that there will be hard times and that I may have to seek out help to get through some of it but I feel so good about doing something good for myself. I'm ready. I have my weekend off. I need to do some last minute cleaning and actually get around to securing the CD rack to the wall. I work Monday and then I'm off for almost 3 weeks. Tuesday I have the prep stuff which not fun at all is one more step in the process and I'm hoping that if I drink it early then maybe I can still have some fun over the afternoon. Maybe.

Everybody keeps asking me what they can do for me after surgery. My main response has been don't bring me any food. Please. I so appreciate the offers of help though and it feels fabulous to feel like I've got an awesome group of girlfriends. I'm so thankful for all my friends. Both my local ones and all my online friends and those far away.

Thursday Already

My week has went by fast. It's already Thursday. I work tomorrow and Monday and then I'm off for actually close to 3 weeks. I was supposed to work Tuesday as well but found out today that on Tuesday in the morning I'm supposed to do the oh so lovely shit your brains out stuff to prep for surgery. I decided that I didn't actually want to drink that and go to work. I told my boss about it and she said to take that day off too. So, Tuesday I may be blogging from the bathroom. Oh goody. Surgery is bright and early on Wednesday morning. Yes I'm getting a little more nervous now although I'm still really excited. Wow. So close. Today was my preop appointment and that all was fine. I got my post op prescriptions and have most everything ready. The doctor also said that I should be fine to go back to work after 2 weeks so I'm not going to worry about it. I suppose if I get there and am still having problems I can always extend it. My main worry at this point is my period. I know it's due any time as it's been a good two weeks since my body tried it's last feeble attempt at ovulation but it's still not here. I'm figuring that with a normal period that lasts around 3 days I've got about 3 days left for it to show up or I'm going to end up with my period and surgery. I am starting to have this sinking feeling that my body is going to play that awful trick on me. Dang it. I wonder what would happen if I took bcps the next few days. I so don't want to have my period when I can't properly bend over and deal with it.

Tonight I went out to dinner with a friend and her teenage daughter. It was sort of interesting. Her daughter is a really good kid all things considered. But she's a teenager. And I'd be lying if I said that it didn't occur to me that a teenager is one of the better arguments for deciding that it's ok to just be the crazy cat lady. Granted I know that if I have a child it will be a baby that I will love and by the time they are a teenager I will hopefully be better prepared to deal with the teenager thing. Teenagers are scary.

Tuesday Again

Well, here I am. Another Monday done. Yesterday though ended up being a pretty good day. It was slow at work and I got off early and was able to spend the afternoon with BFF. We went and had mani/pedi's done, then went for dinner at the cheesecake factory and then to a movie. It was so great to get to spend time together. I wish it could have been more time but we still had a lot of fun. Today was another slow day at work which just feels so worrisome sometimes.

I am one week away from surgery. Wow. I can't believe it. I also finally have a time for surgery. I'm scheduled for first thing in the morning which means I have to get up at the ass crack of dawn that day but oh well. I'll get to sleep all day if I want to. So excited to be almost there.

Not too much else is going on. I finally put together a CD rack I had gotten at IK*EA when I went to DL in Feb and had realized that with the height etc I probably did need to actually secure this one to the wall. I hadn't done it yet as I didn't have the right stuff to do it and was getting ready for work yesterday and heard a great big crash. It had fallen over, actually twisted all the way around, one of the shelves landed across the room. I was of course positive that there had been at least one kitty involved in this occasion but found both of them in the bedroom looking completely un-bothered by all the noise etc and sleeping. I think they may have actually been innocent. Hard to believe I know.

Now, I think maybe I'll go to bed early since I didn't go to bed early last night.

What Do They Say About Death And Taxes

Oh yes, that they are all pretty much inevitable.

For the most part I've done ok with taxes most of my life. My very first year as an adult I screwed up and ended up having a whole bunch to pay in but my parents paid that for me. The only other time it's been bad was the first year I lived in Spokane and my mom had helped me out a bunch financially but had counted all that as wages and I had to pay taxes on that. The year I graduated from nursing school I got 3K back. The next year I didn't have them taking enough money out but I bought a house which saved my butt and I only had to pay like $75 dollars or something. So yeah, I suppose I was due for the good roll to end. I also knew this was going to be the year since I knew I hadn't taken enough money out of my checks for taxes. Thank the stars above that I still had the house for a deduction as when I got done putting in all my deductions from the house it went down from about 7K to pay out to $1600 and $2 dollars to pay to the state of California. Yeah, sucks. I have a sinking feeling that next year may not be any better as if the short sale happens the mortgage company will send me a 1099 saying that the difference was income. I have no idea what happens if the house ends up foreclosing. This year on paper I made more money than last year because last year I was traveling and had more deductions etc. Also since I made more taxable income I couldn't deduct my medical expenses and I was also over the upper limit for income that allowed me to deduct my student loan interest. I of course also found that I kept a lot of unnecessary receipts (medical ones) and not enough of the necessary ones like the trips I took back to Washington for the house. I do have the plane receipts but not all the meals etc. Oh well. Not sure what I'm going to do with another damn bill but I suppose I'll figure it out. At least it's not 7K.

In much happier news BFF will be here tomorrow for a short time. She has to work here in Fre*sn0 on Tuesday and then off to LA but I'll at least get to have dinner with her tomorrow and some gab time. Also as of tomorrow morning I am now in the single digits for days until surgery. Today was 10 days till surgery. Tomorrow is 9. Wow. I'm excited, I'm ready. So ready. Not so much for the pain part but ready for what happens next.

Well Thought Out Plans

I'm the master of making plans only to find out that I should have done something differently. I'm really feeling anxious about the whole "I'm only taking 2 weeks off work" thing. I've had so many people tell me I should be taking more like 4 weeks off. When I had first decided to move forward with surgery I was worried that I didn't have enough sick/vacation time to cover more than 2 weeks and figured that since I sit at a desk it would be ok. I'm really kind of nervous about that right now. My preop appointment is this coming Thursday and I'm going to talk to the doctor about it. See what his thoughts are on the time off thing. I don't want to force myself to come back too soon and then be miserable. I also had planned to work right up until the day before surgery even though I'm supposed to be doing the whole clear liquid diet the day before surgery and then the oh so lovely bowel cleanse stuff. I finally realized that was craziness and told the charge nurse the other day that on the day before my surgery if they were over staffed at all, calling people off or whatever that I wanted to volunteer. I'm hoping they do call me off. Then maybe I'll go get a manicure and pedicure and a hair cut. Yes, I think I am going to cut it. Like Paige pointed out, it will grow back if nothing else. Having it be easier to take care of after surgery and such seems like a great idea though. Plus not having to spend 20-30 minutes to blow dry it would be a huge plus.

I have so much to do this weekend, like finally doing my taxes. I suppose I should get to it. Putting it off doesn't make it any less scary.

Is It Thursday Already?

This week has went by quickly. It's been busier at work which is both good and bad. Good in that the time goes faster and lets face it, job security is a good thing. Bad in that my hand is really bothering me. By the end of the day my right hand just aches. The weather has been fabulous all week which has been great. Today I got off work a little bit earlier than usual and I drove to a small town south of here to pick up a night stand I had found for $10 on craig*slist. It was almost 80 degrees out and I did the windows down with my hair blowing. It was so nice until I got home and realized I look a bit like Medusa and I may never get a brush through my hair again. Makes me tempted to cut my hair off again. That's not really a new thought. I keep thinking how nice it would be to just cut it really short which makes it sooooo much easier to take care of. Problem is that I think I look better with longer hair but I hate messing with it. I don't know if I have the guts to do it though.

Surgery? Is now less than 2 weeks away. Next Thursday is my preop appointment and the following Wednesday is surgery. I can't believe how fast time is going by and I know that before I know it I'll be heading in to the hospital. A little nervous but still not bad. Still very excited about the whole thing.

That's my week though so far. Not much happening. That's ok though as it's good to relax some.

Kitty Litter Box Cake

Ok all, here is the recipe.

Cake Ingredients:

1 box spice or German Chocolate cake mix

1 box white cake mix

1 package white sandwich cookies

1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix (I didn't come close to using the whole package but I suppose others might)

A few drops green food coloring

12 small tootsie rolls (I used the bigger ones but had to buy a huge bag of mixed candy to get these)

Serving dishes and utensils

1 NEW cat-litter box

1 NEW cat-litter box liner (I bought these but didn't end up using them at all, way easier to just put it in the litter box)

1 NEW pooper-scooper (go for a smaller sized one if possible, mine was sort of big for the pan)

Prepare and bake cake mixes according to the instructions in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar, set aside.

When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in the litter box and pour in mixture.

Unwrap 3 tootsie rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape (at first I did about 20 seconds and that was too much and I burned my hand, 10 to 15 seconds (for the fatter tootsie rolls) was best) the blue ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over the top. Heat 5 more tootsie rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and spring with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining tootsie roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with the scooper.

Weekend Time

Thank goodness for weekends. I wish they were longer. The cake was a pretty big hit at work yesterday although there were a few people who refused to even try it since it was too realistic. I did have some and it was ok (everyone else said it was really good) but I'm not a big fan of cake. I'm more of a fan of frosting for which the cake has none. It did mostly get eaten though which is good. I even had one co-worker who said she might hire me to make one for her son's birthday party. I'll post the recipe in a separate post.

I got all the paper work in the mail earlier this week that needs to be submitted for my time off work. I don't recall it being this difficult when I had my appendix out. There was a form I filled out but not a whole packet. According to work after 7 days it switches me to state disability. Even though I have enough vacation and sick time to cover it. Makes me think maybe I should take an additional couple of weeks off and enjoy myself. Not to mention all the paperwork is a pain in the ass. I'm 18 days away from surgery. Wow. It's going to be here so quick. I'm really excited. So far I'm not too nervous either.

Thanks also to everyone for the prayers and wishes for A. earlier this week. I don't know if she still reads here from time to time but if she does I'm sure it will help to know there are people everywhere thinking of her.

Not really much going on in my world so far. I got a massage earlier today and I'm starting to get sort of achy from it although I know in a day or two I'll feel a lot better. And because I have so much to do this weekend, I think I'll take a break and go to a movie.