New Year's Eve

I can't believe it's New Year's Eve already. I currently have a post bouncing around in my head but it will probably have to wait for tomorrow as I need to go to bed. I'm also not really sure if it's worth posting or not. We'll see.
I just made an exciting find though. Back in October I mentioned on one of my show and tells about some Christmas stuff I had found on ebay and that I was trying to find the matching tree skirt. This was to replace the same tree skirt I had years ago that I had given up. I've been looking for this skirt off and on for at least 2 years. I found it!!! I just happened to pop in daisy kingdom tree skirt to the ebay search and there it was. I hadn't used that search in a month or more and was so excited to see it there. So I guess it's time to go cash in my pennies to pay for that one. And just in time too since Sara ruined the current tree skirt last week. Of course I may not be able to use it for a few years unless I make sure that she is firmly on board with the idea of using the damn liter box.

So Tired

Well it's been a heck of a week. I worked 60 hours this last week. I am tired but I did ok. The job is interesting. It started off feeling a bit like I was being pulled between two departments. That has lessened and it seems to be going pretty well. I had 3 nights that were really steady busy and one night that was super slow. There are some things that I would say are not really what I expected. Not necessarily a bad thing but an adjustment on my part. I was told when I was hired that I would be working for short stay surgery but I would be working with recovery (after surgery) at night. Also told that I could eventually be trained to do recovery. I had once talked to a recovery room nurse who loved his job (that hospital did not do trauma) and thought that maybe it was something I'd try at some point. I was therefore excited about the position where I might learn recovery. Until I was reminded right before I left Sac that recovery is a critical care position. Yikes. And it really is where I'm at. The hospital I'm at is a level I trauma center with the second busiest ER in the state (according to their website anyways). I'm now trying not to freak out over the whole critical care aspect of the whole thing. So far my position itself is patients who are stable but eventually it will likely be more. I think it will be really good experience if I can just get past my fear of it. The other thing that is a change is something little. Something really small and to some probably stupid that it bugs me. I will likely have to start wearing hospital scrubs at some point. Yes I know, little stuff. But I have tons of scrubs and I really like my scrubs. Plus as a chubby girl I like loose fitting clothes. My past experience has been that getting hospital scrubs that fit me loosely is difficult if not completely impossible. However I have a charge nurse who keeps bringing up the scrubs issue. And I am part of PACU (recovery) where they do have to wear hospital scrubs. Otherwise, it's mostly good. Some very interesting cases this last week. Turns out they occasionally (almost daily) take ICU patients in their area that are ICU hold patients since there isn't an ICU bed. Also it turns out that if you have gall bladder problems, don't go to a hospital that is a trauma center. You will be almost the last person in line for surgery. I've had several patients stay in preop holding for hours or even days as they keep getting bumped for more emergent cases. Even appendicitis will bump a gall bladder case.
So I'm taking tonight off. I think my animals are feeling neglected and I need to catch up on dishes etc. I'm so sick of having boxes all over my house it's making me crazy. Then I know I'll work the next 3 nights and probably the next 4. Hopefully at this rate I might be caught up on all my bills by the end of January. Maybe.

Busy Week

So this looks like it's going to be a very busy week for me. I worked Monday night which was sort of a waste but the pay will be good. We had one patient all night. I was tired and not feeling well and I was just orienting with the guy who is finishing up his week there and then will be leaving. I had planned sort of to go home a couple hours early since it was so slow but then he disappeared somewhere (to sleep I'm pretty sure) and didn't come back until shift change. Asshole.
I took tonight (Tues) off and then will be working Wed, Thur, Fri and Sat nights. I figured since I can't go home for Christmas than I might as well work and get the overtime. Plus I will be the only one for the position until the 1st so there is over time available. I'm going to try to pick up as much as possible in the next 2 weeks so that I can hopefully get caught up on my bills. That would relieve a lot of stress.
Sadie is settling in just fine. She hasn't had any more seizures since Friday which is good.
I'm trying to get my addresses changed on many of my accounts and such. I called one of my credit cards to change my address and she had to ask me a bunch of security questions to verify that it really was me. Talk about obscure questions. She asked my moms age (good thing I know she is 20 years older than I am). She asked about some county that I knew nothing about. She asked about the color of a car I owned in 1997 (which was long before the credit card existed) and what county a previous address had been in which was also from 1997-2001). I guess I proved myself as they did change the address.
Not much else happening in my world. Just work and trying to get unpacked and settled. My house is still a wreck but it's getting better slowly. I was so happy the other night to finally throw out the wonky mattress. No more beds with hernias. It's a nice feeling to settle in some again.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!!

Oh Christmas Tree!!

Well I finally found my Christmas spirit last night. I decided about 6pm to put up my Christmas tree while I watched the shows I'd DVR'd. I didn't end up using as many lights as usual and I didn't get all of my ornaments or other decorations out but my tree is up and oh so pretty. I have like 6 or 7 rough totes (the big ones) full of decorations. I've never had a house big enough to use them all. Someday maybe. I also have enough ornaments for at least 2 trees but I love finding new and unique ornaments. So here's the tree, never mind the TV in the back ground.

Here's Sara under the tree. I think she may have been chewing on it. At least they finally grew out of the whole chewing on the light strand thing. The first year I had the girlies I lost 4 light strands a cell phone charger and another lamp. Plus most of my other cords have little chew marks on them.

And here's Luna under the tree. She likes to just sit and hide there.

Sadie really wasn't all that interested in getting near the tree. She just sort of stayed out of the way. I also managed to get all my Christmas cards filled out and addressed last night. They'll go out today which I know that except for the few that are going to other locations in California are likely going to be late. Oh well, they say happy holidays so it's still within the holiday season. And at least they are going out. I seriously considered not sending cards at all this year and still didn't send out nearly as many as I usually do.

Show And Tell

Because I have nothing else to take a picture of yet in my messy half unpacked place of residence I thought I would at least share some pics of Sadie. Of course the cats didn't want to be left out. I still haven't got my Christmas tree up and don't know if it will go up or not so no tree pics.
So here's Sadie in her bed and Luna of course had to be in the dog bed too.
Here's Sara looking all funny in the cupboard. Until I filled it up she wouldn't stay out of the cupboard. Now theres no room.

Here's Sadie in the back yard yesterday. It was sort of a nice day yesterday but of course the clouds are back today. Yes I am fully aware that I have no room to complain since my friends at home are completely buried in snow. So not missing snow. hehehe...

Don't forget to head on over to Stirrup-Queens to play along with show and tell this week.

What Was Lost

Yes, I found my keys. Finally. After going crazy for 2 days I found them in a place that I shit you not I looked at least 6 times. I guess maybe I didn't lift up all of the items on the wonky air bed in the living room since last night in the middle of doing something else I happened to lift up a small microwavable heat pack pillow thing and they were under that. So I can finally lock my door when I leave the house.
Yesterday was a bit rough. I had a busy and sort of emotional day at work. Just a couple of sad cases that bothered me. I came home and found huge piles of puke in the garage which is usually an indication that Sadie has had a seizure. She always pukes after the seizure. She was still acting a bit shaky too and a bit later puked a couple more times. I also noticed that she peed on her dog bed which was likely from the seizure too. She has had seizures a few times a year for the last 5-6 years. Sometimes they are brought on by stress. Before moving her down here I did consider that the whole move process may bring on some seizures. I still think she is better off with me. That doesn't mean that I don't feel a bit guilty that the stress of the move, new house etc brought on a bad seizure day. Hopefully there won't be any more for a while now. All those things, money worries and then a pretty negative anonymous comment and I was feeling pretty raw last night. I ended up going to bed fairly early and I feel better today. Still a little emotional but mostly ok.
Now I'm just working on some unpacking. I have come across a couple of things that were left behind. Also I've come across 3 things so far that have been broken. I know that things get broken in a move. This is a given. However I have moved numerous times with very minimal breakage in the past so I find myself a bit annoyed. The stuff is replaceable and I know it's small in the grand scheme of things but I also know that I'm a bit anal about my stuff and work very hard to take good care of my stuff. I think I'm still just overly moody.

Shit

I can't find my freaking keys!!!!!
I spent a half hour searching for them this morning before finally giving up. I was almost late for work and I had to leave the door into the garage unlocked. No one can get in but still made me nervous. Luckily I knew where my spare car key and remote to unlock the door was or I have no idea what I would have done. I have looked around this evening and I still can't find them. Which is seriously pissing me off. I remember seeing them last night on a box in the kitchen but I have tore the kitchen apart and can't find them. I have looked in all the usual places and still no keys.

Tired

I'm tired. So tired. I still have this lingering cold that's kicking my butt. My sore throat came back today and I had the worst headache for most of the day. Hope that doesn't continue. The last 2 days have been crazy busy. My stuff is all here and I have a pathway through my house between all the boxes. I actually got to sleep in my own bed last night and it was kind of weird to not be on a wonky air mattress. Nothing is unpacked and likely won't be before this weekend. It looks like I will be moving to nights next week. I'm sort of happy about that because getting up at 4am sucks donkey balls.
Yesterday after unloading the truck and going and picking up a dryer (I got a dryer yesterday for $40) I had to drive the guys to Sacramento to fly back to Washington. It was double the cost to fly them out of Fresno so I drove up there and back. Long and tiring drive. On the way home my sister called. I ended up pulling over at a strip mall so I could talk to her for a while. I told her what has been going on and about the second failed IVF and my decision to move on to donor eggs. She again offered her eggs. So we talked more about what all is involved. And she's still willing. I'm hoping to manage this in about a year. I need to figure out what the cost etc will be and I'm not quite sure how I will manage it but I am going to do everything I can to figure it out. I know that yes she could possibly change her mind but right now I feel so blessed. So blessed that the little sister who was a fantastic gift when I was a young and lonely teenager is now offering me a gift that is beyond imagination. Even though we haven't seen each other in almost 7 years and we don't talk often, she is offering me a chance at being a mom. I'm left speechless.

Not Here Yet *Updated*

Well, they're not here yet. Yesterday was sort of a sucky day for driving through Oregon and they only made it as far as Eugene. They are doing better today and are over all the passes now so it should be good. I'm still not expecting them to be here before say 9pm tonight though. They had to buy chains because apparently Oregon requires you to have them in your vehicle. No biggie, I can return them if not used (they weren't). But ooh, there's a catch. Les Schwab (the fuckers) won't let me return them until April 1. WTF????? Yeah because I may change my mind and go rent another truck to move again. Or who knows when you may need chains for tires that are 2 inches bigger than the ones on your car. Goody.
I've been trying to get stuff done. Such as laundry. I hate laundromats so of course I put it off for as long as I possibly could. All done as of this morning though. Maybe I can hold off for another 3-4 weeks for the next trip. I made peanut brittle this afternoon. I might make my peanut butter balls and some fudge too. Since I'm attempting to eat my body weight in sugar. Yeah, I do the emotional and stress eating thing. The ultra responsible person in me who is never late on my bills etc is just about ready to faint at how many times I've had to explain to creditors that I can't pay them yet. Enter the need for even more sugar. Christmas? yeah pretty much not happening outside of some decorating. I will probably put up my tree. Just because I missed decorating last year. Not getting everything out of the boxes though. I just don't have the energy for that.
Oh and last night my power went out. Like 3 times. It was a little stormy (rainy and windy) but didn't seem that bad. The first time it was like a minute. The second it was like 30 seconds and then it went out a minute or so later and was out for like an hour. Of course my house was pitch black. I have candles but didn't remember where the little lighter dealie thing is so I was digging through my work bag looking for my little pen light. Once I found that I was able to light my candles but they didn't offer enough light to do much by. Since there was nothing to do I ended up blowing them out again and just going to bed. Nice and early. And I was wide awake a 4:45 this morning. Ugg.
Maybe I should take a nap before they all get here.
Finally here at about 8:30. All is well. Sadie seems a little unsure of what to think of the new house, damn cats loving on her etc but I'm sure all will be back to normal soon.

Show & Tell

So today HS (from here forward to be known as renter) left Sp0kane today on his way here with the moving truck full of my stuff. And my dog!!! Yippee my bed is on it's way and soon there will be no more sleeping on the damn herniated bed. Anyways renter sent a phone pic of Sadie in the truck and I had to share as it's so cute.

Not the best picture but she just looks happy. Of course she loves being in the car. She'll be here tomorrow!!!!
To join in Show and tell go on over to Mel's blog and join the fun.

Just Another Saturday Night

I'm feeling better today thank goodness. Yesterday was pretty much miserable. Today is ok. Still heavier than usual but ok.
I'm doing ok I think. I feel like I'm in this weird stage of wondering whats next and feeling left behind. I'm still sort of numb and find that I'm not feeling nearly as upset as I thought I would. I have a lot of different things bouncing around in my head.
Someone asked if I would try again. Yes, likely I will but not with my own eggs. I'm done. Yes I realize that I could continue with my own eggs and do a couple of more cycles and maybe I'd get lucky and get that one that would work and stick. However in my mind I've had 3 chemical pregnancies. So things are fertilizing. They are implanting. And then it's stopping. This to me seems like it is likely an egg quality issue just based on my age etc. I could do another cycle and do PGD to see for sure if it's an egg quality issue but in my mind I just can't justify it. I know that if I tried another cycle with my own eggs and if it didn't work I would be pissed at myself for "wasting" the money. So I'm done with my eggs. Which is a bit of a weird feeling. Just the thought that I likely will not ever again do the whole shooting up with hormones on myself to get myself to the point of egg retrieval. Not really a sad feeling, just a weird feeling. The part of this that I'm having the most difficulty with is the idea that it will take me a year or two to save up the money for another cycle. Before this last cycle I sort of looked at that "break" as a good thing. A chance to do some things that I wouldn't be doing otherwise. Now that break seems so ungodly long. Unfathomably long. I hate the idea of waiting that long. However there is absolutely no way it will happen sooner. Or at least no way I can come up with. So for now I work and try to pay off my bills and save money for the next round. I don't know if when it comes down to it my sister will still be willing to donate eggs to me. She has mentioned it in the past but who knows. There is also the whole allergy factor that bothers me. I've always avoided sperm donors with allergies as the idea of getting rid of my fur babies bothers me a lot. My sister is horrible allergic to cats. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about it etc. I want to move on with the next step but know that for now patience is something I need to work on. My blog may become very boring in the next year or so.

Who

I wonder what hot shot advertising executive came up with the dumb ass slogan of "have a happy period." What a fucking idiot. I'd be willing to place money that it was a male who came up with that one and that whoever it was has never had any experience with infertility at all. Happy period my ass. Nothing happy about this. Aside from the emotional aspect of dear old AF this is the worst one I've had in a good long while. Complete with horrible cramps and a headache which I usually don't get. I knew it would be bad but shit. It wasn't this bad with the first IVF since I had a light period before test day then 2 weeks later finished it up. This is just sucky. Like stay in bed all day sucky. Ugg.

Still In Beta Hell Updated

Yes, I'm still here. Sorry I didn't update last night but I still didn't have internet at home (I finally do now) and I just didn't have the energy (or the money) to go back to the internet cafe to post after work.
Saturday's beta was a 26. So not doubling like it should after 3 days. Of course still increasing enough to earn me a keep taking your meds and test again. I was supposed to do it tomorrow but I have to work all day so I did it today. I don't know if I will know the results tonight or tomorrow.
In the meantime I'm struggling. I want very badly to withdraw into myself and just not deal. Sleeping for say the next 6 months sounds good. I've been burying myself in books and just not thinking or much. I haven't cried much. Yesterday after getting the results for Saturdays draw I found myself way more angry than sad. I had let myself hope over the weekend. I had let the dizzy spells and hot flashes give me hope and along with a positive pee stick really believed that it could still turn out good. Today I don't. I have no hope left. I feel so angry and cheated. All through my life my likes and dislikes or wants have changed as I have. The only 2 things that I've wanted that have remained a constant is to be married or to have someone to share my life and wanting to be a mom. I feel like I'm being tortured or punished somehow and that those things will never be a part of my life. I feel still like I am chasing the impossible dream. I know there are others who have felt this way or who have dealt with similar feelings. I don't pretend to hurt any worse than others. But I hurt. I am just so angry that for once things can't just work out well. I know I am blessed and that I have more than many but when I'm looking at the possibility of never being a mother it seems so much like I have nothing. I know that's not true but it's how I feel right now.
Today I went to Chi*li's for lunch as I felt like I deserved it. As I was walking through the restaurant I noticed a toddler sitting at a table. I didn't even think about when I sat down facing in one direction that she would be in my direct line of sight and usually this wouldn't bother me anyways. She looked like she was about a year old, had a knitted pink hat with a great big flower on it and was so cute. She turned around and gave me big huge smiles and waved. I started getting all teary and waved back, watching her eat and watch others. I felt like the pain I was feeling radiated off me and it seemed like her mother gave me a sympathetic look. Maybe just what I was wanting to see. I finally had to focus on my book as I knew that if I continued to sit and look at this beautiful little girl I would soon have tears running down my face. Since I tend to prefer crying in private over public places reading seemed like a better plan.
For now I wait. Wait for the next set of results so I can maybe stop the meds. Strange thing is that I had no problem with daily shots in the ass with a great big needle when there was so much possibility but now that my hope is gone it all seems like it's just more effort than I want to make. I'm not sure what's next.
Updated. Todays beta is 4 so it's over. Expect my period in 3-4 days and I can finally stop poking myself. Now what.

Happy Baby Shower

Well I'm at a public computer in an internet cafe (on Wednesday) so I can't seem to post the actual picture or graphic that was sent out but I wanted to send a happy baby shower to Antigone. Thinking of you lots!!

Welcome Back

To beta hell. Todays beta is 12. I was told that it is still possible for this to turn out as a viable pregnancy, that they've seen it happen before. Excuse me for not holding my breath. I've been here and done this before. Continue meds and test again. I can't test on Friday as I have to be to work at 6 and work a 12 hour shift. I will test on Saturday and won't here the results until Monday.
Right now I'm struggling. Struggling with feeling cheated and like the things I want so desperately in life are never going to happen.
I still have no internet connection at my house and won't until at least next Tuesday. I don't know if I will be checking in again before then or not. I'm trying to just get settled in my house, unpacked etc. Hope everyone else is doing well and thanks to everyone for your good thoughts. I do appreciate all of it.

Show And Tell

This week for show and tell I thought I'd show a couple of pics from my trip home. I've had a great time visiting with my chosen family and lots of fantastic food. My friend Jan is the best cook I know.

First pic is of a dinner guest we had. Yup, Obama came to Thanksgiving dinner. How cool is that.

Then here's a pic of the yard when it first started snowing. Ugg. It snowed most of the day and we had about an inch but then it started melting. Now it's mostly gone and it's just cold. I think I'm ready to go back to California

Anyone else who wants to play along with show and tell should head over to Mel's blog Stirrup-Queens and join in the fun. Ok and I'm sorry I can't seem to create a link here as I can't seem to move the cursor. I don't know what's wrong. The link is in my sidebar though!!

Packing And Mind Games

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was great and I've enjoyed my trip so far. Today I went up to my house to get some packing done and actually managed to accomplish quite a bit. I have most of my stuff packed at this point which is really nice. I still have part of my kitchen to pack but I should be able to get that finished up tomorrow.
Weather here is crappy. It snowed today which is annoying. Cold and annoying. Finally stopped about 7 pm and changed to rain so hopefully it won't get too bad.
Not much else going on. Trying really hard (and pretty much failing completely) to not analyze every single twinge I feel. I keep feeling twinges in my left lower abdomen but who knows, maybe it's just my ovary getting ready to blow up like a damn balloon. I also catch myself frequently poking my boobs. Yes I am totally aware that the level of soreness really isn't an indicator of whether this has worked or not but yet I am completely unable to stop poking them regardless. Strange dreams last night. All of which I know can totally be from the progesterone. Again. I know it does no good to analyze at this point but I can't seem to stop wondering over every little twinge. At least Wednesday is close.
So now I should go to bed and try to get some sleep. More packing tomorrow.

Quick Update

I made it home to Sp0kane today and all is well. Trying to just take it easy and visit and enjoy some relax time.
I looked yesterday for a wifi connection I could hijack to up date but there were none in my apartment complex that weren't secure. Anyways. They transferred 3 5 day blasts yesterday. All three were grade 3, two were expanding and I forget what he said the 3rd was but it was right below expanding. I was concentrating way to hard on not peeing. Really not a fun experience but it's done. I spent the afternoon and evening watching movies on my laptop. I'll probably post more later. Test day is 12/3. I'm hoping to hold off on hpts until at least then. Otherwise not much going on. Hope everyone has a fabulous thanksgiving!!!!

Tomorrow Is The Day

Here it is, late Monday evening. Tomorrow is transfer day. I am supposed to be there at 10am. I don't know if I will be able to update after my transfer or not. It will be dependant on whether I can find an internet connection to hijack or not. I am taking my cable modem and DVR box to the cable place tomorrow to have them turned off since I won't have a chance to do it later. I may be able to update on Wednesday when I get to Spokane.
I went to orientation for the new job today. Sort of long, repetitious but otherwise fine. Much of the stuff they go over is mandatory to go over it at any and every facility so it's not like it's new stuff. I have 2 more days of orientation next week also. Clinical staff orientation on Tuesday and computer orientation on Wednesday. Then Thursday I start working on my unit. On day shift. They plan to orient me on days so that I can learn their procedures, paperwork etc. This is typical for many units even though I will eventually be working night shift. The only thing is that I am so not a morning person and my day shift will start at 6 am. So hoping that doesn't last too long.
I've been pretty stressed out today. Partially about money. I have almost none. Something to do with the fact that I haven't worked since Nov 5th I'm sure. I should be getting a check soon for the rent on my house but then my first paycheck doesn't come until the 11th of December. Plus I'm also stressing a bit about my trip and my work schedule next week. I'm supposed to fly back into Sacrament0 at 3 pm next monday. I will come home and load up the last of my stuff, vacuum and any last minute clean up, grab the cats and leave. Realistically it will be 5 pm at least and likely 6 pm before I get out of here and then I drive 2.5 hours to Fresn0. Getting in that late I'm not even sure if I will be able to get into my house and I really need to be able to get into my house as I have to be at orientation at 8 am the next morning. I could stay in a hotel for the night but then what to do with the cats the next day. I doubt they would appreciate spending the day in the car. This whole thing is freaking me out. I looked into catching an earlier flight home and it will cost me about $200 to fly home early Monday morning instead of getting home later in the day. I'd get in about 10 am. I hate to spend that much money when I'm already so short and struggling as it is. But it would be a huge relief to get in that much earlier and not have to stress so much about getting to Fresno so late. So I'm trying to figure out what to do. Input or thoughts anyone??
Yes I know, I should keep stress to a minimum. Shit.

5 Day Transfer

So the embryologist called this morning. I'm being moved to a 5 day transfer which will happen on Tuesday. Yippee!!!!!!! As of this morning I had 1-9 cell embryo, 3-8 cell embryos, 1-4 cell embryo and 1-3 cell embryo. So I have 6 still moving along and 4 that sound pretty good to me. She is going to do assisted hatching today I think she said. Then Tuesday is my transfer!!!! Yay!!! Today I'm going to try to get some cleaning done and then this afternoon leave for Fresno. I'll empty all my stuff out of the car and stay the night down there so I don't have to get up at 2am to get to orientation on time.

Show And Tell

For show and tell this week I didn't know what I should bring to class. I haven't had much going on this week other than the IVF stuff which is big but much of it not really all that photo graphical. I am refraining from posting pics of all my lucky charms that I had on Thursday or my deformed bed and semi empty apartment. So here are just a few random pictures from my week.
This is Luna all curled up on my bed. It cracked me up how she had her tail curled around her face so I took a few photos. She didn't seem to care much. You can even see her couple of really long whiskers. The breed of cat that I have usually don't have long whiskers, just curly little short ones. They do occasionally get a long one here or there.
This pic is from Wednesday after I went to go pick up super spermies and had a cooler full of dry ice pellets. I of course had to drop one in the cats water to see what Sara would do. She was fascinated at first, then wanted nothing to do with the steaming cup. Don't worry, I changed her water after I snapped the pic.

Then here's a pic of Bleu and I on my ER day. I of course couldn't wear my contacts because of how I was supposed to be asleep and all. Haha. I guess I should have mentioned that I'm the one in the green.

So that's been my week. My apartment is mostly empty. My bed, the vacuum, litter boxes, some clothes and food is all that's left in it. This coming Wednesday I leave for Sp0kane for Thanksgiving and packing. Oh goody. Really not looking forward to the packing part.

If anyone else wants to play along with show and tell this week then head on over to Stirrup Queens and join in the fun.

Grateful

Thanks everyone for all your well wishes. I don't want anyone to think that I'm not grateful for the 5 good and 3 maybe embies I have. I really am truly grateful. I think it was just my initial reaction because for my 1st cycle I had 7 eggs retrieved and on day 1 I had 5 fertilized. It was pointed out to me though that of those 5 I don't know how many were 2pns or 1pns etc. I just knew there were 5. So when I heard 5 I started comparing and remembering that I only had 3 that were good at day 3 and it didn't work. I'm feeling better now. I'm back to being mostly calm and feeling pretty comfortable with all of this. It is a good fertilization report. I'm happy with it.
I haven't accomplished much today. I had to go to the store to get solution for my contacts etc and just getting out was nice but still I'm really not feeling that good. Movement is uncomfortable. My stomach feels heavy and I'm not just talking about the usual fat heaviness. It just feels heavy and movement is really uncomfortable. Speed bumps? Yeah, they're evil. And everywhere. Each one I went over felt like my ovaries and all the extra fluid I'm sure is still there was bouncing around. Hopefully this gets better soon. The results are that I've done a lot of sitting around and not doing much. Oh well. It's not like there is tons to do. Just basic cleaning of the apartment and packing up the last few things that I've been using this week. Monday I go to Fresn0 for orientation at the hospital. I'm planning on taking my TV down at that time. Tuesday I'll be back here and then home to Washington on Wednesday. Is it pathetic to say I'm going to be seriously bored on Tuesday without a TV or probably internet. And even more pathetic to admit that Tuesday is my favorite TV night and I'm bugged about the fact that I will miss NCIS and House. I know. I'm pathetic.

Fertilization Report

So I just got the call with the fertilization report. I have 8 that are still growing or working on growing. 4 were discarded. Of the 8 that are still there 5 are 2pns which is where they are supposed to be and are good fertilization's there are 2 1pns and 1 that didn't show it had fertilized yet. Back in the incubator they go and they will be checked again on Sunday and it will be decided at that time if I have a 3 day transfer or a 5 day transfer. I'm glad I've got 5 that are doing well. I'm trying and struggling a little bit with the whole wishing for more. I know that 5 is still good. I do. Of course I can't deny though that I had hoped for one of those stellar reports of like all of them fertilized and are doing wonderfully. But I do know that 5 is good. I do. I'll hang on to the hope that of those 5 at least 2 will make it to a great transfer. Now I have cleaning and a bunch of other things to do so maybe I can make mind think of something else other than worrying about my embies.

Home And Happy!!

Well, I'm home. ER is done. So are you ready for it??? I had 9 follies that they measured the other day. Doc today said that sometimes they don't get all the eggs.
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12 eggs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A nice even dozen!!! I am so freaking excited. This is better than I had even hoped for. I should get the fertilization report tomorrow sometime so now looking forward to that. I had all my lucky charms with me today and overall I'm ecstatic with the results so far. I will say though that they gave me a lot of medication for sedation and it didn't really work. At all. I was wide awake and remembered and felt pretty much all of it. Fun stuff. Bearable though and I survived so it's all good. Now I think I'll check in on blogs and maybe take a nap. I was too wound up to sleep much last night so I'm a bit tired right now.

Trigger Soon

Well I'll give myself my trigger shot in a couple of hours. My doctors office still has never heard anything about whether I can use the samples I currently have so I went ahead and had my paperwork for the new bank sent in and got registered. I'm driving to SF tomorrow to pick up the vials and will drop them off back at my doctors office. I have to be back at the doctors office at 8:30 Thursday morning for my retrieval. I suppose I still have time to do the whole panic freak out thing that I remember from last time but I so far feel way more calm about this. I remember last time the day I had my last scan and had to go pay my fees for ER and all that just having this "oh my god what am I doing" feeling. This time I'm calm. I'm doing what I need to do to get to where I want to be. The cycle for the most part so far has been pretty good (with the exception of the whole sperm donor issue) and I'm ready for this. I'm definitely ready for it to work. I'm ready to be a mom. And if it doesn't, I suppose I can deal with that too. Not that I'm not feeling really positive about this cycle, I just feel like I am prepared to deal with whatever happens. Lets hope I'm right.

11 Months

So, egg retrieval is Thursday. Which is exactly 11 months after my first egg retrieval. Wow, hard to believe that almost a year has passed. Scan this morning went fine. Follies are moving along as expected. I'm glad I'm not working this week as I'm really not super comfortable right now. The whole sperm issue is still unknown but I did have the doctors office print out the paperwork today for the new bank and I filled it all out and left it there for them to fax. I'm more at peace with the whole issue right now. I decided on a donor that I'm ok with. The timing still sucks but it will still all work out fine. And if I have to drive to SF tomorrow to pick up sperm then I can also stop and get a cupcake at that fantastic place I found last month.

Two

So I have the list of potential donors in case I have to switch narrowed down to 2. That's a big step since yesterday I had a list of like 20. Funny thing is that the new sperm bank was one I had looked at over the summer and had right away found a donor I liked really well. I didn't keep the scrap of paper that I wrote it down on though and I have no idea which one it was. I spent part of the day going through virtually every profile looking for that one donor. I think I did find him but he is sold out. It would have made it much easier if he had some left but oh well. Funny thing is that one of the donors I'm leaning towards seems very religious. As in working towards a degree in divinity. However I like that he is also very vocal about wanting to advocate for gay rights. The other donor is 6'9". Wow. Still thinking and deciding and trying not to worry about the logistics of how I go about getting set up with a new bank and getting my samples in 2 days. I would have to drive over to SF to get them but that wouldn't be too bad I suppose. And yes in my head I'm still hoping this will end up being a non issue and I will be able to use the samples I've already purchased and that are already there at the office.

Just Another Saturday

So I got most of my stuff moved yesterday. What a very long day it was too. Picked up a u*haul trailer at 8am, came home loaded most everything up and was on the road by 10:30, hoping to make it to Fresn0 by 2. That didn't happen. Freeway was backed up because of an accident so I pulled off for an hour, pottied and napped a bit then back in line to wait almost another hour to go 2 miles. Finally got to Fresn0 about 4pm. Unloaded and back driving to Sac. I came home and mostly collapsed.
My ovaries ache. I really don't remember that part from before but am guessing it was there. I'm trying to just take it easy. I have cleaning etc to do around my house but not to much more moving. Except for little things which can be the worst at moving but oh well.
I'm also trying to figure out when to start work. I had planned to do orientation on the 24th and the 2nd. If my ER is on Wed of this coming week and if I possibly end up with a 5dt that could interfere with orientation on the 24th and for the day on the 2nd I fly into Sac on the afternoon of the 1st and would have to come to my apartment, vacuum, pick up the cats and the last of stuff left here and then drive to Fresno, get access to house and sleep before going to work the next morning. Ultimately it would be easiest to wait and do orientation on the second Monday in December. That way I'm not coming in on Monday and having to rush out of my apartment and drive down to Fresno. However as far as money goes it would be better to start sooner. I guess I'll wait and see what happens with ER etc. Oh and I had a bit more drama to deal with today. Turns out I may not be able to use my sperm donor that has already been sent to the clinic as they bank doesn't have a license to ship to California. Yet they did? Also I've used them before with current and previous doc. I guess the new doc in the practice is making an issue out of the lack of license or whatever and so they are checking with the state on Monday to see if I can still use it. If not, I have to find a new donor. My Dr is going above and beyond to try to make this right and help me with this situation. I'm not upset with him although I am a bit annoyed with the other doctor. The sucky thing is that a lot of thought went into picking that one. I've spent a good part of the day today looking at donors and my mind is swimming with all the variables. I've looked at so many profiles I can't think clearly about any of them anymore. So I'll stop for now and go back tomorrow and look at my short list and hope that I get to be the exception and still use the current donor that I already have.

Hello Dildo Cam

Scan was today. It was all good. I'm a bit farther behind than what I expected to be but it's not a bad thing. I just figured I would be closer to being ready. I have 7-8 follies growing and they are a bit smaller. I will be stimming for 4 more days and have another scan on Monday. Most likely ER will be on Wednesday of next week. The interesting part of this is that I am already feeling bloated and crampy. More than I remember at this point last time. Maybe I should go back and look at my blog posts in January. I'm not horribly uncomfortable but I'm not really comfortable either. A little bit of feeling just blech and sort of a constant there headache. All of that ads up to a not very productive me. Tomorrow I'm picking up a uhaul trailer and taking most of my stuff down to Fresno. I sort of hate to move everything quite so soon but the flip side is that I also hate to leave it for next week and then feel awful next week and not be able to really do it. So, tomorrow I'm taking most everything. I'll leave my TV and the thing that sort of resembles a bed. My lap top and some books etc. Everything else hopefully should go. Then it's just waiting for next week.

Planning

Yup, planning again. I think sometimes this is my favorite past time. Or I guess I could say I'm working on the details. The details of getting my stuff down here from Washington. I am getting money from the new job for relocation which will be nice. I had sort of thought to move everything all in the spring. Then I found out that I have to provide the receipts for moving within 90 days. So, I have to move sooner. Right now I'm trying to work out the details of how I'm going about this and when etc but hopefully I will have everything moved soon. I had a few moments of freak out. I kept thinking "what if I should change my mind, want to leave, etc" and "shouldn't I just leave it all there?" I feel though like I need to commit to this. I need to make a decision and follow through with it. Not leave myself a back door out. Which isn't to say that at some point down the road I can't reassess and do things differently but for now I feel like I need to commit to this decision. And I want my stuff, especially my bed. So I'm working on a plan to get all my stuff moved. The sooner the better too. Especially for the bed. The other night I was sleeping and again was woke by the loud popping noise of my bed springing another hernia. Oh goody. It's right next to the last one but this is now taking up more of my use able sleeping space. Right now it's close to half of the bed is all bumpy and when I rolled over this morning the shift in air almost rolled me right out of bed. I'm a bit worried that in the next month or so it will do this again and if I'm sleeping in the spot that pops I may end up being popped out of bed like a piece of toast from a toaster. So getting my bed has become somewhat necessary. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I'll have all the details fixed and then when I'm home for Thanksgiving I suppose I'll be doing some frantic packing.

Long Day

Today's trip to Fresn0 was a fairly productive day. I took a load of stuff down and stuck it in storage. I went to the hospital and filled out all of the necessary paperwork etc for employment and peed in a cup and had my blood drawn. They had to draw titers for my MMR and Varicella and while I already have those titers somewhere I'm not totally sure where so they just drew the blood. No biggie. I also managed to look at a house while I was there, fill out the application etc. I also got the house!!! It's a nice house with a small back yard that should be great for Sadie. There is a patio in the back with a built in grill which is nice. The house has no carpet, only tile which believe it or not will be nice since kitty pee is much easier to clean up off tile floors than carpet. Not to mention all the pet hair issues.
So I have a job and a place to live. Not a moment to soon either. The drama here with work continues and I'm not really expecting it to improve much. Last week when all the crap started the hospital that I had the problem at had immediately (without contacting my recruiter etc) sent out notification to all the other hospitals saying not to use me. They did later rescind that notice however the damage was sort of done and now the hospital that I typically got most of my hours at is refusing to use me. There is only one hospital right now that is still happy to use me and it's the smallest of the three. I'm sort of thinking I may not get many hours there or at all here in Sacramento. So tomorrow I need to call various creditors and tell them I have no idea how I can pay them this month. Oh goody. So, I'm more than happy that I do have a new job to go to and will be starting soon.
Right now outside of the money stress I am feeling better about things. I feel like things are falling into place really well which makes me feel better about my decision.
I also am starting to feel my ovaries. I had to wear jeans all day today since I didn't want to show up at the hospital in sweats. They got to the point of being so uncomfortable on all my bruises that I undid them for the drive home. Glad I didn't get in an accident. Plus I've noticed today some sort of cramping or fullness in the ovary region. Also a little nausea. Headache too but I think that might be more related to my contacts than anything else. They aren't working very well lately. My scan is on Thursday, hopefully all looks good and hopefully I will know when my ER should be at that point.

Where I Forget To Slow Down And Think

I have this really bad tendency to not make myself slow down and think all the steps through. Which ends up causing me problems. Which ends up being annoying to say the least. I was available to work all weekend. I didn't work though. As usual. I didn't even get a phone call this weekend saying I had been cancelled. Annoying but I had things to do and I'm seriously tired of this job. So I packed. I gathered boxes and packing materials. I actually gathered way to many boxes I think but oh well. I spent yesterday packing and while it may not necessarily look like it, I do have most everything packed. I don't really have quite as much as it feels like I do at least here in California. At home is a totally different story. Anyways, back to the not thinking things all the way out. I need to go down to Fresn0 to fill out all the necessary paperwork, pee in a cup etc. Had I actually stopped and thought about all of this I would have come to the conclusion that I likely wouldn't be able to just walk in and do this. No, I would have realized I would need an appointment. However since I hadn't worked all weekend and I was getting packed and found a possible house to rent online I decided that it would be a good plan to go to Fresn0 today. I called my recruiter and had him cancel my shift for tonight, I loaded up my car with a bunch of the boxes I had packed up, showered and actually put make up on. Then called the hospital only to be told that the soonest they could get me in is tomorrow. And I am annoyed with myself because if I had stopped to think about it, I would have realized this before I did all the above stuff. Now I have a car load of stuff and I hate to leave it in my car overnight but I hate even more to haul it all back up the stairs so that tomorrow I can haul it all back down. So, in my car it will stay. Also tomorrow I will have to try to rush back from Fresn0 just in case I end up having to work. Especially since I really need to end up working. I just hate it when I do this and end up feeling so stupid. It's just my head gets ahead of myself with planning etc and I don't stop to think about all the steps. Hopefully this will still all work out tomorrow.

Show And Tell

Sorry, sorry. Running late to class today. Busy day so far with box collecting and packing etc. Plus trying to decide what to bring for show and tell. I thought about maybe taking a pic of all the bruises all over my stomach from my shots but I would want to ruin anyones breakfast, lunch and/or dinner with the accompanying ghost white rolls of chub. Then I thought that maybe I'd show my packing efforts but that just gives me a headache looking at all the boxes and trying to find my way around the house. So instead, we're back to pets. Today I present to you the amazing, heat seeking cat!!! This is my girlie Sara. She has decided that the most important thing in her life is to find the warmest place in the house. The other day that place was on top of the stove since I had the oven on. I just cracked up at her sitting there just soaking up the heat. The older she gets the more she seems to do this heat seeking thing and the more she reminds me of my old cat I had for almost 15 years. Airiel was similar in the heat seeking thing and could usually be found buried in blankets. You could not come into my house and just sit on a random blanket because it usually had a cat inside. I wish I had some pics of Airiel to post but I think they are all at home. So for now, just Sara.


For anyone else who wants to play along head on over to Mel's and join the fun.

The Roller Coaster Of My Life

So my life has been crazy the last 30 hours or so. Crazy stressful and the fact that my emotions are completely all over the place didn't help. Yesterday I got up and had an e-mail from work that I needed to call my recruiter about work. I called and was told that the hospital I had worked at the night before was saying that I had missed things and that I was being fired and was not to come back. It wasn't clear whether it was for that particular unit, that hospital or all 3 hospitals I've been working at lately. For someone who has never before been fired from a job this was pretty traumatic. It felt very strange too since the things they were stating I didn't do while yes likely should have been done, were not necessarily critical things. I went to bed last night feeling like I had possibly put my nursing license in jeopardy and wondering where or when I would work again. It was terrifying. This morning after talking to my boss it seemed a bit better. My boss seemed to also thing that the things that were missed were fairly minor, no harm came to the patient and after listening to my side of the story was off to call the manager to figure out what sort of way the issue could be worked out. It did end up getting worked out. Apparently the nurse manager would like me to not come back to the unit until I've had a chance to get more experience. She said at a later date I would be welcomed back and picking up shifts at the other hospitals or in other departments would be fine. I of course have NO desire to ever go back to that particular unit. None. Then I got news that it won't be necessary. I got the job I interviewed for last week in Fresno. Which a couple of days ago I had decided that maybe I didn't want to accept it if I got it since it is less money than traveling but this weeks incident has shown me yet again that maybe it's time to do a staff position. What happened yesterday would not have happened had I been a staff nurse. I may have been counselled etc but not the drama like happened. Also as a staff nurse I will actually be oriented to my department. Granted I did receive some orientation to the unit I was working on as a traveler doing med surg but as an agency nurse I really didn't. Factor that in with the fact that I was working in an area where I didn't have a lot of experience and it was a less than ideal situation. A situation that I don't want to repeat. So, this afternoon I accepted the job in Fresno. I'll be working in a short stay surgery area, on night shift. I'm looking forward to doing something new and having a chance to fit in somewhere on a more permanent basis. Maybe some day I'll try traveling again or maybe I won't. I think it's been a great experience but I'm ready for some more roots. Now I suppose I have to start packing again. I also need to decide eventually (I'm really not worrying about it yet too much) how and when I'm going to get my stuff from home and my dog. How to go about renting out my house since it obviously isn't going to sell anytime soon. Lots to do. Right now though I just want to focus on the next few weeks, figuring out where I'm going to live next and my lucky cycle.

Yes!!

What a glorious day today seems like. So much possibility ahead it makes me smile to think of it. Last night I had to work. I didn't get to see the speech but I still knew it was going on. That was a fantastic feeling. I had never felt so strongly about an election before and to have it be such a spectacular one at that is quite the experience.
Funny thing was I was in a patients room at 8:05pm and they were announcing Obama's win and the husband of my patient was very irked that they would announce it so early since the polls on the west coast just closed 5 minutes ago. Poor guy, I'm guessing he was voting for McCain.
I am hugely disappointed that prop 8 here in California passed. That is such a let down to think that there are so many people who can't or won't see beyond themselves and what they see as their idea of a perfect little world.
The other big fun exciting thing today is that I started my stims!!! So I am on my way!!! Yay for a great Wednesday!!!!!

Infertility Made Me This Way

Superstitious that is. I never really was superstitious before. The number 13 never bothered me nor did black cats. Many of the little things like knocking on wood or whatever really were never considered to have much truth to them. Now I find myself paying more attention. Maybe I'm hedging my bets.
In the past for various insemination's I've purchased baby items etc to surround myself with during the insemination. Oops, maybe I was supposed to banish all baby related things from my abode. I have a charm bracelet that I wore constantly for several trys that has all baby related charms. Last year right as I was getting ready to start my first IVF I went to Disney*land at Christmas time and spent 2 days searching out ever single wishing well and pond so that I could toss my pennies (and quarters, nickles and dimes) in while wishing for a successful pregnancy. And yes I did feel a little bit let down that the happiest place on earth didn't work it's magic on me. Stupid maybe. I know. So even though I'm trying not to obsess about luck and superstition it's still there in the back of my mind. I've got all my lucky meds donated by other fantastic women. I've got my lucky socks now. I've got a fantastic doctor that I trust very much. Now I've got another very small bit of good luck. The other night someone brought Chinese to work. I took a fortune cookie and the fortune was stupid. I tossed it. Then as I was leaving work the next morning I noticed several other cookies sitting there. I grabbed one, stuck it in my bag and promptly forgot about it until last night when I was going in to work. So I cracked it open. My fortune said "You will soon be involved in many gatherings and parties." It just sounds good. So I'll hope this is a little more good luck for this cycle I'm so optimistic about. Or maybe I'm just crazy.

Show And Tell

So for my first IVF cycle I had tried to do the whole take a picture of all my meds, you know for the scrapbook and all and it just didn't work that well. It was a bit anticlimactic. Everything had fit in a medium sized box and the whole stack of it all never really looked that great. I don't think I even kept the pictures as it didn't look at all impressive. For this cycle though it definitely looks more impressive. Way more! Thanks to all the contributions I've received and all the extra needles etc my counter is FULL of stuff. So I piled it all up and took pictures of it all this week and these pictures are much more fun. So for my show and tell this week I thought I would share.
So this is a shot of all the meds, trying to get them all to fit into the frame. In the background is all the syringes and needles, sharps boxes etc. Also all of my other meds and my prenatal vitamins, extra folic acid, bcps etc.

Here's a pic of the syringes and needles. I had actually told the mail order pharmacy not to send me more syringes, alcohol or gauze, or another sharps box as I knew I could probably get them at work if I needed. Yeah, they didn't listen to me and now I've got tons. Oh and somewhere back there I have a huge baggie of the Q-cap things.

Here's another view of all the men0pur, some g0nal f that came in different packaging instead of the pens, my two hcg shot boxes (yes I have extra) and my Lupr0n and Viv*elle.

Here is a big stack of all my f0llistim and g0nal f, plus again the regular meds, lupr0n, viv*elle etc.

The stack of stims!! Oh and my fiber tabs.

These are the gauze sponges I received. These totally crack me up. Is the packaging on these total overkill or what?? The packaging for a simple 2x2 gauze is like 10 times bigger than the actual gauze. And apparently these will show up on x-ray because that's important. I got a big bag of like 30 of these.

And then there are these. They came yesterday via UPS but since crawling out of bed to answer the door was beyond me, I actually got them this morning. I think that these are maybe lucky socks?? I think I even know who sent them, the super sweet K. Updated to say yes it was the super sweet K who sent my fancy socks. What a fantastic surprise they were! Thanks so much!!

Now, let's head on over to Stirrup Queens and see what everyone else is showing today!!

Happy Halloween!!

Well, it's Halloween again. I have no candy in my house but then I don't know yet (at 5:11pm) whether I'm working tonight or not. If I don't work then I'll be making a quick run to the store for a bag of candy. I never got to celebrate Halloween as a child although when I was 23 I did dress up, borrow my friends daughter and went trick or treating for the first and only time in my life. I think about how maybe next year I could have a baby. I hope I do. I want to experience things like Halloween through the eyes of a child. The excitement of what costume, going trick or treating. I have a fantasy of having my child dressed up, me dressed up and the dog dressed up and all of us going out through the neighborhood trick or treating. Crazy maybe as poor Sadie would possibly go crazy with excitement of all those people but there anyways.
For today? I took my last birth control pill. I hope I never have to take another one again. The Lupr0n seems to be going fine. I've had a couple of low grade just sort of there headaches but I was getting those before on the bcp's so who knows. Hopefully it will remain ok. Then next Wednesday I start stims. I'm still all itchy and nutty about that but next week when I start stims I also start the decadr0n so hopefully that will help with the itchy part. Funny back in the spring I purchased a box of anti itch cream from C0stc0 which had like 5 tubes of itch cream. I remember thinking how stupid it was to buy that much but I didn't want to go search out another store to buy just one tube. So far I've used like 2.5 of the tubes.
There is a sick kitty in my parking lot of my apartment complex. It's very thin, can hardly walk and just sits huddled up. I tried to pet it to see if it was ok (then came in and washed my hands super well) and it tried to get away from me but didn't go far. It makes my heart hurt to see this poor miserable kitty. I wish I could take it to a vet to either make it better or stop it's pain. It looks too sickly to really belong to much of anyone. I feel so bad for it. I did take some food out and put it down but I don't think it was that interested. I don't know what else to do though.

Lupron Day And Other Busy Stuff

I started my Lupr0n today!!!! So exciting. And before you all think I've totally gone off the deep end, it's just exciting to finally feel like I'm doing something again. I also finally received the last of my meds today which was exciting too. Of course I got syringes, more alcohol swabs and gauze pads. I swear I'm going to have to come up with some sort of art project for them I've got so many. I think I read a blog where someone else tried to do that already. I have one entire counter full of stuff.
Also in other big news today, I had a job interview today in Fresno. I don't know for sure yet but I really think it went pretty well. They actually called me back right after I had left to ask me a question about would I be ok with a certain scheduling and I'm thinking that if they weren't considering me they wouldn't have called me back to ask about that. So I guess we'll see. It was sort of interesting because the position I had applied for was a day shift and I was trying to figure out how I would go about getting used to working days again and come to find out they have a night position open also. So I ended up interviewing for both positions. I'm not totally sure how I will work all the expenses etc if I do get the job as I'll have to move back down to Fresno but I am sure I will figure it out somehow. If I do get the job I'm also going to see if I can figure out how to get Sadie back down here with me when I go home for Thanksgiving. I have no idea what it costs to fly a dog but I guess we'll see. I miss my doggy.
UPS delivered some of my meds today and they are so freaking lazy. I had left a note on my door asking them to leave the package with the office since I didn't want it sitting out on my porch all day. All they would have had to do is walk down the stairs and the office is right there. No, they left it on the porch. So glad it was still there. The post office is getting way more expensive to ship stuff lately too. I had a medium sized box that had 4 shirts in it, weighed like 3 pounds. Cost me almost $15 to ship. I hadn't charged that much on the auction for shipping. Oops. I'm going to have to be better about that. Gas on the other hand has gotten way cheaper. I am pretty sure that a week ago I paid $3.19 a gallon right before I went to 0akland but today I paid $2.69 a gallon. That's a huge drop. Nice though. About time it got more affordable.
I've noticed something lately in many of the books I've read. Many of them have had some sort of theme of infertility in them. It's not usually the main story line but it's in there somewhere. Does this mean that maybe people are becoming more aware? However I also watched H0use last night which is a show that amuses me although one that I don't see as being realistic at all. I have NEVER seen a doctor who does all the work themselves like they do. Anyways, last night was an adoption theme (although he said something about you gave up on IVF) and he was very derogatory about it. Now I know his character is like that about everything but yet I felt myself bristling anyways to the direction it all was going. Although I was intrigued by the ending.
Not to much else going on. Trying to keep busy and not think or worry too much about the upcoming IVF. I'm still feeling really optimistic about it and hope that feeling doesn't go away.

How To Be A True Shop-a-holic

So I was going through some of my stuff tonight and listing some things on ebay. Which by the way took absolutely freaking forever. I don't know if the problem is with my computer or ebay but it was taking close to an hour to list one item. Anyways, getting rid of a few things that I don't wear, use or whatever. Stuff that usually I've bought impulsively since that's what a shop-a-holic does. And yes I'm still trying to reform my ways but that's beside the point. So. Going through stuff. I had a couple of bracelets that I don't wear and decided to list on ebay. Hell, one was still in it's original packaging. Then I got to looking. Oh shit. I had bought the same exact bracelet twice and it wasn't even a design I loved. How sad is that. I had gotten the first one a little over a year ago when I was in Fresno. I think I actually got it free as I had bought 2 clearance items at this store and they gave me a third free. Then when I was in Houston back in March meeting other bloggers I managed to buy the same bracelet there. That folks is the true measure of a shop-a-holic. And really pathetic to boot.

No Show and Tell

I have no interesting pics of anything this week. I haven't been getting out much lately. Other than last weeks trip to the job fair and I didn't take my camera that day. Yes, my life is a bit boring right now.
But!! Wednesday I start my Lupr0n injections. I'm torn between being excited (yes I know I'm completely crazy to be excited to give myself shots) and a little worried about how I'll react to the Lupr0n. Hope it's not too bad. Then a week later I start my stims. Yippee!!! This month has went by quickly thank goodness. Even in spite of me not working enough. Which leads me to other things going on in my mind. My job isn't working. It just pretty much sucks. I have had 2 weeks total since I started doing this where I have gotten my full amount of hours. So much for making enough money to pay cash for this cycle. My other recruiter called me on Thursday of last week and was going to start looking for positions for me. And for a little bit I was excited. The thought of going back to Santa Bar*bara is I think what did it for me. Then I got to thinking about packing all of this stuff back up again and moving it all plus all the associated expense with that. Then the possibility of doing it all again 3 months later or whatever. Which is all about enough to make me go completely insane. I don't want to do it. Which means that I think it's maybe time to consider looking at a staff position somewhere and stopping with the traveling. I still don't really feel like I can go home because the pay sucks so bad there and I don't know what job I would do there. Plus the idea of going home in the winter pretty much sucks too. Then I was talking to one of the nurses at work last night. And the pay rate here is surprising, like at least $20 an hour more than home. The charge nurse told me they had a position open and that I should apply. So I did. I don't know if I will get the job, or if I will take it if I do. But I'm going to at least apply and see. I also applied for several other positions too so I will have some comparisons at least. And who knows what will happen but at least I'm looking at different options for now.

New Books

There are some new books listed up on The Batty Book Exchange. Go take a look and see if you see something you're interested in.

Moving Along

Well things here in my world seem to be moving right along. Work has been rather sucky just because there hasn't been any of it. I worked 12 hours last week and so far have worked 12 hours this week. This of course at a time when I really need the hours.
I ordered my super spermies on Tuesday so they will be shipped next week. I even was able to get my favorite donor once again. Yay!!!! I stop taking bcp's next Friday, I start taking Lupr0n on Wednesday of next week. Wow!! I am still trying to get the meds part such as the Lupr0n, Viv*elle, and PIO worked out. My insurance is supposed to cover up to $1500 of my meds and of course they are digging in their heels and trying not to cover it. Yesterday I found out they don't contract with Free*d0m and so I had to move everything over to a different pharmacy and now I'm waiting for them to rush the approval through on that one to see if it will be covered. If I haven't heard anything by Monday then I will probably end up having to pay cash for it all since like I said, I need it all by Wednesday. I hate insurance companies sometimes. Even if you have the freaking coverage they still try to get out of paying stuff.
I went to a career fair in Oakland yesterday and while the career fair wasn't the best I had ever been to I had a nice day anyways. There weren't very many hospitals at the fair and there were TONS of new grads and soon to be new grads looking for jobs and talking to recruiters. I remember being there and was so glad I'm not there now. After that I had lunch with Millie and had a great time visiting with her and then went and walked around an outdoor mall which was really fantastic since the weather was sooooo nice. I even got a cupcake (or 2) at a cupcake shop and that was fantastic too.
Other than that not much new going on. Right now I'm wondering if I will work tonight or not.

U.T.E.R.U.S.

I am as always amazed by the support and friendships that I have gained and observed in the last 2 years since I started blogging. I have had the opportunity to get to know both on line and in real life an amazing group of generous women who are all part of the land of infertility blogging. Last spring the IF blog community got together and created U.T.E.R.U.S. to help put together enough money for fellow blogger Cali to do her FET. Now the folks at U.T.E.R.U.S. are working again to help two families in need.
Mel over at Stirrup Queens explains the need of the two families that are this fall's U.T.E.R.U.S. project along with a few of the ways that anyone could possibly help out this fantastic cause. In addition to the ebay auctions, etsy shops, cash donations etc, an anonymous blogger has issued a challenge that she will match, dollar for dollar any amount made through ebay auction, the etsy site, or direct donations. So I've been trying to figure out how I could help contribute to this amazing project and came up with something I want to donate to the etsy shop.
Several years ago I started rubber stamping. I made cards. Lots of cards. For EVERY holiday I could. Through the years I've had a few extras here and there when I made more than I sent out and they've all been collecting in a box. I just happened to bring that box back down here to California in June when I had went home. So the other night I went through the cards and decided to donate them. After a bunch of e-mails back and forth with IO we decided the best way to list these on Etsy was in groups of 5 to 10. I was told that they will go up on the etsy site tomorrow on October 22. However since I have about 20 different designs available it was hard to figure out how to list all of the different designs. So what was decided (and I hope I get this right) was to list a few samples on the etsy shop site and then I uploaded pics of all the cards available to my flickr page along with a description of what is stamped on the inside of the card and how many of the card I have. Some of the cards I only have 1 or 2, others I have like 15. So hopefully this will give anyone who is interested in buying a set of cards the chance to pick which ones they want. So, go over and visit the Etsy store and see what's available and also head on over to my flickr page to see what cards are available. All of the cards will come with envelopes that fit the card. So, go check it out and see if you're interested in getting yourself some handmade holiday cards or head on over to Stirrup Queens to see if you can help out in some other way.

Tree Porn For Cali

So Cali asked a few weeks ago for those of us in other climates to post pictures of our local trees in all their fall glory. I had to wait a bit since it's warmer so it's taking a bit longer for the trees to start turning. So, here are the trees I've found in the last few days Cali. I hope you enjoy.