So I'm one week away from surgery. Next Wednesday is the big day. I'm a little nervous over the idea of the pain involved and staying in the hospital. I hate staying overnight in the hospital as I have a hard time sleeping there. I have 3 different surgeons and they are telling me 3 different things for length of stay. A lot of friends keep telling me to not go home too early etc. I understand what they are saying but I also know that if I'm going to be miserable where ever I am I'd prefer to be miserable at home. At least at home I can actually sleep. I suppose I'll wait and see.
Reading other blogs this morning I did catch a hint of wistfulness at someone's pregnancy symptoms, remembering how much I once yearned for each and every one of those symptoms but really my overall feeling is one of relief. Relief that there won't be anymore pain each month to endure either physical or emotional. I used to observe my body each month gearing up for ovulation and see this as a positive sign. Of course I could get pregnant! My body ovulates regularly so of course it will be no problem was my mind set for years. Then my body proved me wrong. I ended up feeling a bit like my body was taunting me each month by pretending to work effectively. Yesterday I just laughed at seeing that desired egg white mucous and told my ovaries they were being evicted. When it all comes down to it, I have no desire to ever go through the emotional roller coaster ride of IF treatments. I have no desire to ever again spend that much money on a gamble or a maybe. If I'm going to spend that much money I want something to show for it dammit. I'm excited as hell about never again having a fucking period. I'm looking forward to travel, sleeping when I want, spending my money and time how I want and having a wide open future full of possibilities ahead.
I have my cats who are my fur babies. I miss having a dog immensely but also know that my situation for a dog right now is not ideal. With my work schedule and living in an apartment it wouldn't be easy for a dog. Someday. Someday I'll get another dog. For now I enjoy the hell out of my cats and the babies at work who will always be babies and then coming home to uninterrupted sleep.
Now to just get through next week.
Reading other blogs this morning I did catch a hint of wistfulness at someone's pregnancy symptoms, remembering how much I once yearned for each and every one of those symptoms but really my overall feeling is one of relief. Relief that there won't be anymore pain each month to endure either physical or emotional. I used to observe my body each month gearing up for ovulation and see this as a positive sign. Of course I could get pregnant! My body ovulates regularly so of course it will be no problem was my mind set for years. Then my body proved me wrong. I ended up feeling a bit like my body was taunting me each month by pretending to work effectively. Yesterday I just laughed at seeing that desired egg white mucous and told my ovaries they were being evicted. When it all comes down to it, I have no desire to ever go through the emotional roller coaster ride of IF treatments. I have no desire to ever again spend that much money on a gamble or a maybe. If I'm going to spend that much money I want something to show for it dammit. I'm excited as hell about never again having a fucking period. I'm looking forward to travel, sleeping when I want, spending my money and time how I want and having a wide open future full of possibilities ahead.
I have my cats who are my fur babies. I miss having a dog immensely but also know that my situation for a dog right now is not ideal. With my work schedule and living in an apartment it wouldn't be easy for a dog. Someday. Someday I'll get another dog. For now I enjoy the hell out of my cats and the babies at work who will always be babies and then coming home to uninterrupted sleep.
Now to just get through next week.
