Yes, I'm still here. I worked the last 2 nights and I also had a computer training class for work on Wednesday morning. Yes I had to be to work at 8am till noon for a class, then back to work at 11pm to work overnight. Yuck.
I'm still about the same. My moods are up and down although it seems to be a bit more down. Part of me wants to start taking my pr0zac again but then I would have to wean off it again. And if I switched to Z0l0ft it would be about the same as I would like to at least try pregnancy without my happy pills. I still may have to but I'm trying to muddle through. I know that I'm down partially because I don't have any motivation to do anything. I hate the idea of work, the stress of learning a new hospitals charting, equipment, policies and procedures exhausts me. I have no desire to do it. Oh and the really crappy part, of all the people I find missing and or wanting sympathy from? My mom. My mom who hasn't been involved in my life in 9 years by her choice, who was not supportive of this choice at all, whom I haven't even spoke to in almost 3 years. But yes, I keep catching myself wanting my mom. Not that she was ever very good at being sympathetic to my depression, her response was always "Don't let it get you down". Whatever, by that point I was already down. Anyways I can't figure out why I am missing her now.
My face is incredibly broke out. The nausea lasted for about 4 days and now seems to be gone again. Still nothing much going on as far as bleeding goes. It's a steady very light flow with no cramps and no clots or heavy bleeding. I'm about ready to make a doctors appointment if I can get in just because this is driving me crazy but then I doubt that there is much more that can be done. It's just the waiting driving me nuts.
Well I have tonight off and then back to work tomorrow for 2 more nights. Oh and the Dr's office in Fresno called to cancel my appointment next week because the doctor won't be in the office. Whatever.
Oooh, look!! Spell check works again.
15 comments:
I'm so sorry you're blue! I promise we will do our best to cheer you up when we get together in 2 weeks.
Well Im glad that your OK, hang in there hon.. it always gets better. But I too feel your pain about being down.
XOXO
Good to see you back. I'm sorry this is so hard.
I wish I had the right words to say, but unfortunately I am feeling blue also. I think we should just go have a margarita together. That would make us both feel better. At least for a little bit.
I have been through that Michell, I really think all things with motherhood bring that up. I was disowned by both parents 10 years ago and I went through wanting my mom after my first m/c and then during pregnancy and when Bliss was born, but after time I realized what I really wanted was who I wished my mom could be, that supportive "mother" we all need so dearly, the one who loves unconditionally and supports the same. I am now learning to be that mother, not just for Bliss which is so easy for me to be, but to myself as well which is harder.
I am so sorry you do not have that.
As for your m/c you could also do herbs, black and blue cohoshes could help a lot to complete it. I will likely use them instead of cytotec depending on a few things I am waiting on.
Anyhow much love and peace.
So sorry M. Wanting is your mom is so valid, you'll always love your mom no matter how crappy the relationship and it's so normal. All of your sisters here online feel for you.
Michell I really just want to give you a hug and tell you that some off us others have been there and know what your feeling, you are not alone. You know this may sound nuts or you may feel the same but after my 'chemical' pregnancy it took forever to get AF, all that time I was thinking that I was going to be the one that was different, I was going to re-write all the record books. How could I not be pregnant when it was taking forever for AF to arrive and when it did, it was nothing. (Just for your info, it was my next AF that I got the clots.) I was soo sure as the time went on that I was indeed pregnant and those doctors just hadn't seen anyone like me before. I was wrong. I hope that you do get to see the doctor soon and I really wish that your mum was part of your life that you could share this pain with. {{{Hugs}}}
Awww sweetie. Lots of hugs coming your way. It's natural to want your mother. I can't imagine not having mine through all of this. We love ya girl and are always here.
I am so sorry you are blue :-( Rightfully so though its a time in your life that being blue is warranted. I hope things start looking sunnier soon though!!!
Its funny that this came up because I was just telling Hubby about this the other day. Wanting your mom is a normal psychologial response to wanting to be comforted. Everyone craves "mommy" in times like these - even people who have never had a mother figure at all. I read some study, a long time ago, about soldiers who were raised in orphanages crying out for their mothers in the trenches. So, it might just mean that you need to be comforted and pampered. Take good care of yourself right now, do whatever makes you feel good and really spoil yourself. I hope you feel better real soon. ((hugs))
Michell, I have been thinking of you everyday and wondering how you are doing. I'm sorry this is so drawn out and emotionally painful. I know nothing I say will make you feel better and I know I can't fix it but, I CAN care and I do. Very much.
Love, light, peace, and prayers from my home to yours.
Sometimes you just need your Mom. I know exactly how oyou feel. My mom stopped talking to me 3 years ago for the dumbest reason in the world. Her and my dad divored on bad terms. She found out I was emailing with him. Got mad and I havent heard from her since. I continue to send her cards for holidays, birthdays, etc and never get anything back. Its hard. Sometimes you just want that comforting. Im here for you if you need to vent about it. I know how you feel.
I think the want-the-mum thing totally makes sense, despite the relationship with her. Right now sucks hardcore. No matter how old we get, we still go through periods of time where all we needs to someone to take care of us, to stroke our head, to take care of the small stuff, to make us feel like someone has our back even if we rationally know that the person can't do anything to prevent the loss that is causing all of this emotional pain. I wish I lived out on the west coast because I would come by with homemade bread. I would aim for chicken soup, but it's that whole damn vegetarian thing getting in the way...
the waiting is the worst. It just makes things so, I don't know...in your face.
I am thinking of you & sending love.
xo
Hoping your nausea ends soon and that you have a better week ahead
Take care Michell. I'm worried about you.
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