What a week this has been. I have just finished night 4 of 5 in a row. On these long stretches I get almost nothing done other than work. So no posting for several days. I work tonight (Sat) and then have Sun and Mon off and then work 2 and then have 5 off. Soooo looking forward to that having 5 off.
On these work days though I've started to see things so much clearer. When I had first started back here in short stay I liked pretty much everyone I worked with and got along with most everyone. Then when I went to my actual job, it seemed to get a lot more difficult. The personalities are really a lot harder to get along with. There is one nurse who it has been pointed out doesn't like me (for reasons I'm somewhat unclear on) by several other people. Not a biggie. She doesn't speak to me but oh well. Another nurse I find very intimidating in that I feel like I'm not sure what she expects of me. Luckily I don't work with her often either. Then there is the charge nurse I usually work with. This is the one who "helpfully" pointed out that I needed to try to lose weight a month or so ago. She has not made any further comments to me at all about my weight. However I hear on a fairly regular basis her talking about another person (usually a patient) and her description of them is "they're fat" in a fairly derogatory manner. Now to some extent I realize that I may have subconsciously indicated that this is ok since I will refer to myself as fat. Yes Bleu this is sort of something you have tried to tell me before in different manners but I realized that by referring to myself as such, it tells people it's ok to refer to others that way. The thing is though that while I may refer to myself that way I would never refer to anyone else that way. Which reminds me that I really need to stop referring to myself that way. Because it bothers me to hear it said about others. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like this person has a discrimination problem with people who are over weight. And basically it feels like discrimination and it feels like a hostile work environment. I'm still working on how to address this. I do find it very interesting though. I read in a line in a Jenn*ifer Wei*ner book that stated that size discrimination is the only socially acceptable form of discrimination left. Right now this feels true. And I feel a need to try to change this at least in little bits. Besides we all know that if this nurse heard me referring to someone as "They're just black (or God forbid the N word)" that I would very quickly be out of a job. This person does tend to be very opinionated on many other things as well and I'm also working on trying to just ignore much of it. Last night she was asking me and a coworker why we had gotten cats. Her point being that the only reason was because we were lonely and that was the only companionship we managed. She says all of this in a "jokey" manner but you usually know pretty much how she feels about the subject at hand. She also frequently talks about others who aren't there. Everything from "so and so is a racist" to what she dislikes about such and such other person. It's pretty much a constant ongoing thing which pretty much leaves me wondering (and I said something to that effect last night) what she says about me when I'm not around.
My goal for now is to work on being kinder to myself. And to work more on standing up for myself (something I SUCK at) and letting someone know in an adult manner when they say something that I find offensive.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Finally Some Sunny Days
The end of my week last week finally brought some much needed sunny days. Of course Wednesday and part of Thursday I was asleep but Friday was nice too. I had planned to take a drive up to Y0semite to try to get a pic of some waterfalls that are really cool looking for about 2 weeks out of the year but I needed to see sun and sand more than I needed to see snow. So after sleeping in I got up, got all ready and headed for the beach for the day with Sadie. It was a clear sunny day for the most part and warm. It was a great day to be out in the sun but poor Sadie.
First we went for a walk on the beach and I was collecting sand dollars (I got a bunch!). Sadie at first was fairly alarmed by the water that chased her. Once she got used to that it was a bit better. I let her off her leash briefly but she doesn't always do very good meeting other dogs and she was starting to get aggressive with one so back on the leash she went. Walking along she kept drinking the water. I tried to get her to stop as I worried about it making her sick but she must have drank more than I realized. Once she threw up on the beach and then right as we were walking back up to the parking lot she had a big bout of diarrhea (yeah not even going to try to scoop that off the sand). Back at the car I got her a big bowl of water and she drank it all and the puked some more. So rather than get in the car I decided to walk around a bit more. There were a couple more bouts of diarrhea and a few more pukes. Sadie was definitely looking a little green. Meanwhile I couldn't go into any of the shops nor could I go to my favorite restaurant and grab something to eat since I had her with me. Finally it seemed that she was mostly puked out so I decided to head for home. She was pretty lethargic in the car and ended up puking twice more on the way home. Then when we got home she drank a TON of water since she was dehydrated from all the ocean water and spent the evening laying around. By Saturday she seemed fine again but her day Friday wasn't so great. Poor doggie. I never did get any pics. I hadn't taken my camera out while I was looking for shells as I didn't want to get it wet and then after that Sadie looked so miserable I didn't bother trying to get pics at the beach. I don't think it was her favorite place.
First we went for a walk on the beach and I was collecting sand dollars (I got a bunch!). Sadie at first was fairly alarmed by the water that chased her. Once she got used to that it was a bit better. I let her off her leash briefly but she doesn't always do very good meeting other dogs and she was starting to get aggressive with one so back on the leash she went. Walking along she kept drinking the water. I tried to get her to stop as I worried about it making her sick but she must have drank more than I realized. Once she threw up on the beach and then right as we were walking back up to the parking lot she had a big bout of diarrhea (yeah not even going to try to scoop that off the sand). Back at the car I got her a big bowl of water and she drank it all and the puked some more. So rather than get in the car I decided to walk around a bit more. There were a couple more bouts of diarrhea and a few more pukes. Sadie was definitely looking a little green. Meanwhile I couldn't go into any of the shops nor could I go to my favorite restaurant and grab something to eat since I had her with me. Finally it seemed that she was mostly puked out so I decided to head for home. She was pretty lethargic in the car and ended up puking twice more on the way home. Then when we got home she drank a TON of water since she was dehydrated from all the ocean water and spent the evening laying around. By Saturday she seemed fine again but her day Friday wasn't so great. Poor doggie. I never did get any pics. I hadn't taken my camera out while I was looking for shells as I didn't want to get it wet and then after that Sadie looked so miserable I didn't bother trying to get pics at the beach. I don't think it was her favorite place.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Memes
So I still have the 10 things about me that came from the honest scrap blog and I got tagged again by As the Pig Flies so here's the two memes.
First the 10 things from the honest scrap
1. I'm obsessive about matching my clothes. Especially my work clothes. They all match. My pants match my shirt, my socks match and my shoes match. And it has to be the right shade. I can't do pants that are a different shade of pink than whats on my shirt.
2. I love computer games and will play them to relax. Not the role playing type of games but like Solitaire types. And seek and find which I LOVE and can play for hours.
3. I'll read most any type of fiction. I will even read books I'm not enjoying because I can't stop. I keep thinking/hoping it will get better. I can only remember one book I didn't finish.
4. I hate onions, I can't even eat them to be polite. This does make eating out difficult. I also grew up on peanut butter since my parents put onions in everything. I've learned that I really like a lot more foods than I thought as long as I make them and therefore know there are no onions.
5. I pick at things. Tape on the desk or counter, I have to peal it off. Labels off bottles etc. I will even pick at myself as far as zits or something go. I'm convinced I will be one of those little old ladies who picks at themselves until they bleed.
6. I find being around water very calming. Any will work lakes, rivers etc. I however prefer the ocean and my dream for many years has been to live close to the ocean. I even once interviewed for a nanny position that was close to the ocean in Oregon.
7. I love craft things but have a bad habit of buying stuff and then not using it. I think I'm sort of ADD in that I frequently will start projects and not finish for a long time.
8. I'm a strange infertile. As much as I'm superstitious about many things, buying baby stuff isn't one of them. It truly doesn't bother me to buy baby stuff and it's even a bit hard to stop. I've made myself stop buying clothes for obvious reasons but will still buy books and have almost all of the pieces of the nursery stuff from store that used to be in Oregon that I loved.
9. I think I'm out of random things.
10. Oh, I just recently finally started using a reader for blogs and it's great because I can read more blogs now but I keep forgetting about those password protected folks. Sorry.
Ok and the next one from As the Pig Flies which is in my blog links at the bottom of my side bar.
Step 1: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
Step 2: tag - eight(I changed this to four!) other un-tagged people. Yeah, I'm cheating and not tagging anyone and not adding another question but anyone who wants to play along certainly as always can.
1) What do you do for a living? I'm a registered nurse. I'm currently working in a preop holding position where I get patients ready for surgery on the night shift, often patients who are in the ER.
2) What is your biggest fear? Spiders. Totally stupidly afraid of them (or most any other bug) and can't deal with them even if they are dead. yup I know this is totally unreasonable.
3) Do you nap a lot? No, I'm bad at napping. I have to be almost dead tired or sick to be able to nap. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep after I get into bed.
4) Who is the last person you hugged? Sad but it was my friend Jan almost a month ago. Long time in between hugs.
5) What websites do you visit when you go online? Gmail and my google reader, my blog, and craigslist, ebay.
6) What was the last item you bought? Other than groceries? Hmm. I just bought another piece of the daisy kingdom nursery stuff I've been finding on ebay.
7) You are on the Oregon Trail, how are things going? Probably pretty bad, why the hell would I be there?
8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? Really?? What a question. Of course there's sex but what else. Maybe going car shopping and being taken seriously.
9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? Oh yes, years ago I had to have a Dorothy Hammil haircut. It was the worst disaster ever!!!
10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I don't know. Not that I haven't done stupid things before because I certainly have but not really any that are so memorable that I'd qualify them as my most embarrassing moment. I guess I could say when my wrap around skirt fell off but that was when I was 8.
11) What was the last movie you watched? I just finished watching Zack and Miri make a porno. Not nearly as funny as I had thought/hoped. I would love to find one those movies that I laugh so hard through the movie that my stomach hurts. I can only think of 3 that I have ever seen that were so funny I laughed the whole time.
12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Yeah, I really have more of these than I need. Not really much of a treat for me.
13) Do you believe in Heaven, and if so, what do you want to hear God say when you arrive? I don't know. I don't even know for sure if I believe in God.
First the 10 things from the honest scrap
1. I'm obsessive about matching my clothes. Especially my work clothes. They all match. My pants match my shirt, my socks match and my shoes match. And it has to be the right shade. I can't do pants that are a different shade of pink than whats on my shirt.
2. I love computer games and will play them to relax. Not the role playing type of games but like Solitaire types. And seek and find which I LOVE and can play for hours.
3. I'll read most any type of fiction. I will even read books I'm not enjoying because I can't stop. I keep thinking/hoping it will get better. I can only remember one book I didn't finish.
4. I hate onions, I can't even eat them to be polite. This does make eating out difficult. I also grew up on peanut butter since my parents put onions in everything. I've learned that I really like a lot more foods than I thought as long as I make them and therefore know there are no onions.
5. I pick at things. Tape on the desk or counter, I have to peal it off. Labels off bottles etc. I will even pick at myself as far as zits or something go. I'm convinced I will be one of those little old ladies who picks at themselves until they bleed.
6. I find being around water very calming. Any will work lakes, rivers etc. I however prefer the ocean and my dream for many years has been to live close to the ocean. I even once interviewed for a nanny position that was close to the ocean in Oregon.
7. I love craft things but have a bad habit of buying stuff and then not using it. I think I'm sort of ADD in that I frequently will start projects and not finish for a long time.
8. I'm a strange infertile. As much as I'm superstitious about many things, buying baby stuff isn't one of them. It truly doesn't bother me to buy baby stuff and it's even a bit hard to stop. I've made myself stop buying clothes for obvious reasons but will still buy books and have almost all of the pieces of the nursery stuff from store that used to be in Oregon that I loved.
9. I think I'm out of random things.
10. Oh, I just recently finally started using a reader for blogs and it's great because I can read more blogs now but I keep forgetting about those password protected folks. Sorry.
Ok and the next one from As the Pig Flies which is in my blog links at the bottom of my side bar.
Step 1: respond and rework -- answer the questions on your own blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
Step 2: tag - eight(I changed this to four!) other un-tagged people. Yeah, I'm cheating and not tagging anyone and not adding another question but anyone who wants to play along certainly as always can.
1) What do you do for a living? I'm a registered nurse. I'm currently working in a preop holding position where I get patients ready for surgery on the night shift, often patients who are in the ER.
2) What is your biggest fear? Spiders. Totally stupidly afraid of them (or most any other bug) and can't deal with them even if they are dead. yup I know this is totally unreasonable.
3) Do you nap a lot? No, I'm bad at napping. I have to be almost dead tired or sick to be able to nap. It usually takes me about an hour to fall asleep after I get into bed.
4) Who is the last person you hugged? Sad but it was my friend Jan almost a month ago. Long time in between hugs.
5) What websites do you visit when you go online? Gmail and my google reader, my blog, and craigslist, ebay.
6) What was the last item you bought? Other than groceries? Hmm. I just bought another piece of the daisy kingdom nursery stuff I've been finding on ebay.
7) You are on the Oregon Trail, how are things going? Probably pretty bad, why the hell would I be there?
8) If you woke up tomorrow and were a boy, what is the first thing you would do and why? Really?? What a question. Of course there's sex but what else. Maybe going car shopping and being taken seriously.
9) Has a celebrity's hair cut ever influenced your own hairstyle? Oh yes, years ago I had to have a Dorothy Hammil haircut. It was the worst disaster ever!!!
10) What is your most embarrassing moment? I don't know. Not that I haven't done stupid things before because I certainly have but not really any that are so memorable that I'd qualify them as my most embarrassing moment. I guess I could say when my wrap around skirt fell off but that was when I was 8.
11) What was the last movie you watched? I just finished watching Zack and Miri make a porno. Not nearly as funny as I had thought/hoped. I would love to find one those movies that I laugh so hard through the movie that my stomach hurts. I can only think of 3 that I have ever seen that were so funny I laughed the whole time.
12) If you had a whole day to yourself with no work, commitments, or interruptions what would you do? Yeah, I really have more of these than I need. Not really much of a treat for me.
13) Do you believe in Heaven, and if so, what do you want to hear God say when you arrive? I don't know. I don't even know for sure if I believe in God.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Comic Routine
I'm sure that anyone watching me this morning would have gotten a good laugh at my antics. I was out bright and early scooping poop as the mowers were supposed to be here today. Lets just say that scooping after it's been raining for several days sucks and trying to find it all in grass that is 6 inches high even sucks more.
There are two dogs that are in the yard behind mine and they bark at me when I'm outside so I talk to them. Usually calms them down. So this morning I'm talking to them as usual. I've tried to pet them through small little holes in the fence before. They are both pit bull puppies. One is bigger than the other but they both seem to be pretty young. Well, this morning they found loose boards in the fence. And here comes one of them. Oh goody. So after jumping all over me and getting me all muddy I managed to get him back through the fence and put a potted cactus in front of the board. Went in a went to bed. Then I hear barking about an hour later. Really close to my window barking. I look out and sure enough, it's the other one. So I go out and try to get him back through the fence, unsuccessfully. So I head over to the next block over to tell the owners to get their dog and to hopefully fix the fence as the boards are nailed up from their side. I'm hoping someone is home. Oh yes, someone is!! And she speaks absolutely NO ENGLISH!!!! So I'm trying to tell her via sign language or something that their dog is in my yard. No go. I go back to my house and now both dogs are in my yard. I try to get them back through the fence and the whole board falls off. I finally give up and go inside trying to figure out if there is an animal control I can call. Later I hear her outside and she was finally fixing the board since she finally figured out what I was saying. The dogs are back in their own yard. They were so cute and seemed so starved for attention but seriously, I don't need more dogs in my yard.
Oh and other good news. I got a call from my doctors office today. Some of my labs came back as off and he is referring me to a rheumatologist. I've been seeing the same doctor at home for 8 years and complaining of chronic pain the entire time. He never once referred me anywhere. One visit with new doc and I finally have a referral. I am finally starting to feel like someone is listening and taking me seriously.
There are two dogs that are in the yard behind mine and they bark at me when I'm outside so I talk to them. Usually calms them down. So this morning I'm talking to them as usual. I've tried to pet them through small little holes in the fence before. They are both pit bull puppies. One is bigger than the other but they both seem to be pretty young. Well, this morning they found loose boards in the fence. And here comes one of them. Oh goody. So after jumping all over me and getting me all muddy I managed to get him back through the fence and put a potted cactus in front of the board. Went in a went to bed. Then I hear barking about an hour later. Really close to my window barking. I look out and sure enough, it's the other one. So I go out and try to get him back through the fence, unsuccessfully. So I head over to the next block over to tell the owners to get their dog and to hopefully fix the fence as the boards are nailed up from their side. I'm hoping someone is home. Oh yes, someone is!! And she speaks absolutely NO ENGLISH!!!! So I'm trying to tell her via sign language or something that their dog is in my yard. No go. I go back to my house and now both dogs are in my yard. I try to get them back through the fence and the whole board falls off. I finally give up and go inside trying to figure out if there is an animal control I can call. Later I hear her outside and she was finally fixing the board since she finally figured out what I was saying. The dogs are back in their own yard. They were so cute and seemed so starved for attention but seriously, I don't need more dogs in my yard.
Oh and other good news. I got a call from my doctors office today. Some of my labs came back as off and he is referring me to a rheumatologist. I've been seeing the same doctor at home for 8 years and complaining of chronic pain the entire time. He never once referred me anywhere. One visit with new doc and I finally have a referral. I am finally starting to feel like someone is listening and taking me seriously.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Careful Your Ignorance Is Showing
So all the stories about octomom and the misleading information are making me nuts. I know that the general public often don't know the in's and out's of fertility treatment but all the misleading information or quotes flying around are maddening. If the media would at least use the right terms which they can research easily enough, maybe there wouldn't be so many people who thought IVF was a sure thing and that everyone doing it was bound to end up with at least one if not two take home babies.
Tonights comment on Extra (CBS) finally did it. The parting line was "...there's always IVF and we can see how well that works." Oh please!!! Just because it worked for this person does NOT mean it works that well for everyone! I'm tired of this case giving responsible infertiles a bad name. We are not all out to have octuplets (or septuplets, sextuplets, quintuplets or even quadruplets or triplets), IVF is not a sure thing, and it's transfer not implant.
I actually saw a comment from the New York Times in response to someones request to use appropriate terms. Stephanie Saul said: 12, 2009 2:52 pm
"We had an internal discussion about whether to use the term "implant" or "transfer." We decided to use the word "implant" because, to the average reader who is not well-schooled in the terminology surrounding in-vitro fertilization, it is an accurate description of what happens. The average person does not really understand what "transfer" means in this context. " I'm sorry, because every embryo does not "implant" this is NOT an accurate description of what happens. It's an inaccurate, and misleading term. And they are knowingly continuing to use it!!
I saw an article (sorry I can't remember who printed it) that said the clinic should have know that octomom's embryos could possibly split since they had done so before resulting in her twins. Hello, her twins are boy/girl twins. That is the result of 2 different embryos, not an embryo splitting.
Why don't these people research this crap before they say it!! Maybe because it's just not sensational enough.
Tonights comment on Extra (CBS) finally did it. The parting line was "...there's always IVF and we can see how well that works." Oh please!!! Just because it worked for this person does NOT mean it works that well for everyone! I'm tired of this case giving responsible infertiles a bad name. We are not all out to have octuplets (or septuplets, sextuplets, quintuplets or even quadruplets or triplets), IVF is not a sure thing, and it's transfer not implant.
I actually saw a comment from the New York Times in response to someones request to use appropriate terms. Stephanie Saul said: 12, 2009 2:52 pm
"We had an internal discussion about whether to use the term "implant" or "transfer." We decided to use the word "implant" because, to the average reader who is not well-schooled in the terminology surrounding in-vitro fertilization, it is an accurate description of what happens. The average person does not really understand what "transfer" means in this context. " I'm sorry, because every embryo does not "implant" this is NOT an accurate description of what happens. It's an inaccurate, and misleading term. And they are knowingly continuing to use it!!
I saw an article (sorry I can't remember who printed it) that said the clinic should have know that octomom's embryos could possibly split since they had done so before resulting in her twins. Hello, her twins are boy/girl twins. That is the result of 2 different embryos, not an embryo splitting.
Why don't these people research this crap before they say it!! Maybe because it's just not sensational enough.
Winter Blahs
So far for the last month almost every day that I have been off work has been rainy. It has often been nice and sunny and warm on the days I work but no, the days I'm off it rains. I know it's winter and it's to be expected but I'm still getting sick of it.
Sadie is doing fine and would eat me out of house and home if I'd let her. Every time I walk to the kitchen she seems to think she needs to eat and she has started begging for food even when I'm not eating. I'll have to be careful with that since I don't want her to get any fatter.
It was actually a fairly busy week at work last week. I so really do not like working the 5 days in a row. I got a chance to talk to my nurse manager last week and discuss exactly what my job expectations are. Basically am I expected to learn critical care. The answer is no. Should I want to in the future it will be fine but no, I'm not expected to. That was a relief and has helped me in just relaxing and doing my job and helping out where I can with everything else.
I'm trying (and mostly failing) to not stress about finances. It just feels overwhelming having a house payment and a rent payment with no end in site. Plus the fear of needing to spend money on the house. I'm still trying to get the snow damage fixed on my house at home and am having a hard time with it. I have no idea how to go about finding a contractor that I can trust. The last time I hired someone he did an ok job but not a great job for the money I paid him. To me it seemed he left a lot undone. The insurance company doesn't seem to have any referrals for me, they say that the contractors that they sometimes recommend are all busy. Any ideas where to find someone?? Do you just look in the phone book under contractors??? Doesn't help that I'm so freaking far away and can't check on the progress of the work etc. Also that I don't necessarily trust my renter to take care of keeping track of progress for me. I just wish I knew what to do about it. Or that I didn't have to do anything about it.
I started a facebook profile several months back since everyone was talking about how great facebook was. It took me about a week to figure out that it didn't really interest me that much. All the green patch and ocean thingys were annoying. Most of the people from my past that I would like to be in contact with I am. The people that I currently keep in contact with I mostly keep in contact with via my blog. Last week however my cousin found me on facebook. Now she's sending me messages that I am the only one who doesn't have a profile picture, sending me memes, telling me to post pictures etc. This is someone who growing up I was very close, as an adult I was moderately close to although it was always specifically on her terms only which on at least several occasions left me feeling very hurt. 7 years ago we had a falling out of sorts which started with a disagreement about money but also ended up being about a lot of other things. For me at least. I've had several times in the past couple of years that I've felt like she is reaching out and trying to restart our relationship which is now cordial but neither of us really go out of our way. However I'm always left feeling like I just don't know what she wants or expects from me and it frustrates me so I hold back. She got very upset with me that I hadn't made an effort to come see her new baby back in 2007 but yet she was frequently in the town where I lived and hadn't made an effort to stop and see me with her new baby. There have been quite a few other episodes where I just don't get what she wants or it's very obvious that she wants things still only on her terms so I'm a bit skeptical on the whole reuniting thing. Plus I'm a bit worried that by looking at some of my "friends" on facebook she might find a way back to my blog. Which I'd rather she not be reading.
Well that's really about all that's going on in my boring life.
Sadie is doing fine and would eat me out of house and home if I'd let her. Every time I walk to the kitchen she seems to think she needs to eat and she has started begging for food even when I'm not eating. I'll have to be careful with that since I don't want her to get any fatter.
It was actually a fairly busy week at work last week. I so really do not like working the 5 days in a row. I got a chance to talk to my nurse manager last week and discuss exactly what my job expectations are. Basically am I expected to learn critical care. The answer is no. Should I want to in the future it will be fine but no, I'm not expected to. That was a relief and has helped me in just relaxing and doing my job and helping out where I can with everything else.
I'm trying (and mostly failing) to not stress about finances. It just feels overwhelming having a house payment and a rent payment with no end in site. Plus the fear of needing to spend money on the house. I'm still trying to get the snow damage fixed on my house at home and am having a hard time with it. I have no idea how to go about finding a contractor that I can trust. The last time I hired someone he did an ok job but not a great job for the money I paid him. To me it seemed he left a lot undone. The insurance company doesn't seem to have any referrals for me, they say that the contractors that they sometimes recommend are all busy. Any ideas where to find someone?? Do you just look in the phone book under contractors??? Doesn't help that I'm so freaking far away and can't check on the progress of the work etc. Also that I don't necessarily trust my renter to take care of keeping track of progress for me. I just wish I knew what to do about it. Or that I didn't have to do anything about it.
I started a facebook profile several months back since everyone was talking about how great facebook was. It took me about a week to figure out that it didn't really interest me that much. All the green patch and ocean thingys were annoying. Most of the people from my past that I would like to be in contact with I am. The people that I currently keep in contact with I mostly keep in contact with via my blog. Last week however my cousin found me on facebook. Now she's sending me messages that I am the only one who doesn't have a profile picture, sending me memes, telling me to post pictures etc. This is someone who growing up I was very close, as an adult I was moderately close to although it was always specifically on her terms only which on at least several occasions left me feeling very hurt. 7 years ago we had a falling out of sorts which started with a disagreement about money but also ended up being about a lot of other things. For me at least. I've had several times in the past couple of years that I've felt like she is reaching out and trying to restart our relationship which is now cordial but neither of us really go out of our way. However I'm always left feeling like I just don't know what she wants or expects from me and it frustrates me so I hold back. She got very upset with me that I hadn't made an effort to come see her new baby back in 2007 but yet she was frequently in the town where I lived and hadn't made an effort to stop and see me with her new baby. There have been quite a few other episodes where I just don't get what she wants or it's very obvious that she wants things still only on her terms so I'm a bit skeptical on the whole reuniting thing. Plus I'm a bit worried that by looking at some of my "friends" on facebook she might find a way back to my blog. Which I'd rather she not be reading.
Well that's really about all that's going on in my boring life.
Friday, February 13, 2009
What Day Is Today
This morning as I was getting into bed I realized that I previously had no idea what day it was. At that point I did realize it was Friday as I heard the garbage truck driving down the street. Anyone guess what that means?? Yup, I forgot to put my garbage out. Oh well. That is one of the really sucky things about night shift, especially when you work several in a row. I lose track of days so bad. I had 2 patients last night that I had taken care of apparently the day before but it seemed like it had been 2 days before. All the days run together.
Sadie still seems to be doing well. No seizures and she is doing less of the walk like her ass is drunk then before. The only thing that I've noticed is that it seems like she wants to eat even more than usual. She follows every step I take in the kitchen hoping for the dropped morsel. Inhales her food in about 2 minutes and basically constantly begs. Otherwise she seems to be doing fine.
Sadie still seems to be doing well. No seizures and she is doing less of the walk like her ass is drunk then before. The only thing that I've noticed is that it seems like she wants to eat even more than usual. She follows every step I take in the kitchen hoping for the dropped morsel. Inhales her food in about 2 minutes and basically constantly begs. Otherwise she seems to be doing fine.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Honest Scrap
Thanks to Mrs. Lala over at Crowded Uterus for the mention. 
1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.
2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.
7 Blogs I love to read (and it's so hard to pick 7 since I have so many that I love to read especially since I am finally using a reader and can read so many more blogs now!)
Ok so the 10 things, yeah, I'm too tired. Must go to bed as I have to get up this afternoon and go back to work. Maybe I'll add to this later with the 10 things. Although I ran out of unusual things about myself several memes ago and really don't love memes.
Hope all are having a good week!!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
2009 Book Challenge
So I saw this on Kristen's blog to keep a list of books you read, set a goal etc. I thought it sounded like fun so here I am playing along.
It can be any type of books you want, with the goal being to keep reading. Mine will likely be fictional books as I read for pleasure and a bit to escape the day to day stuff. I'll keep track of which books I've read which I've already actually been doing. I'll post the ones I've read so far here and create a link or something on the sidebar. I'm setting a goal of 70 books since I know I read like 60 some last year (I kept track last year for most of the year).
You can join in too. I left a comment on Kristens blog and then am putting this post up. You can set the challenge at whatever total you want. If you put up a post like this and add your link in the comments section of this post, I will enter everyone who reaches their goal in a drawing at the end of this year.
So here's my books for this year so far:
It can be any type of books you want, with the goal being to keep reading. Mine will likely be fictional books as I read for pleasure and a bit to escape the day to day stuff. I'll keep track of which books I've read which I've already actually been doing. I'll post the ones I've read so far here and create a link or something on the sidebar. I'm setting a goal of 70 books since I know I read like 60 some last year (I kept track last year for most of the year).
You can join in too. I left a comment on Kristens blog and then am putting this post up. You can set the challenge at whatever total you want. If you put up a post like this and add your link in the comments section of this post, I will enter everyone who reaches their goal in a drawing at the end of this year.
So here's my books for this year so far:
1. Live A Little by Kim Green
2. Somebody Else's Daughter by Elizabeth Brundage
3. Paging Aphrodite by Kim Green
4. The Best Day of Someone Else's Life by Kerry Reichs
5. Eye's of Darkness by Dean Koontz
6. Pack Up The Moon by Anna McPartlan
7. Married in Seattle by Debbie Macomber
8. Knit Two by Kate Jacobs
Monday, February 09, 2009
All Is Well, Mostly
Sadie seems to be doing pretty good. I still notice her walking a little bit funny but not as much and mostly she is doing good. No further seizures or anything like that which is a huge relief. Also I had heard all the jokes about how much easier it is to give meds to a dog than a cat. I hadn't thought too much of it since I medicate my cats daily and it's usually not too difficult. Even with it not being that difficult to medicate the cats? Still waaaaaay easier to medicate the dog. I wrap her 1 1/2 pill up in one of those thin slices of meat and give it to her and she chows it right down. I wish it were that easy with the cats. Funny how the entire house has one sort of medication or another.
I'm starting to do a little better too. I saw the doctor on Friday and I have my pr0zac back and have changed to a once a day BP med that I can't take while TTC or pregnant but since I'm not going to be for a while, I may as well have the ease of once a day dosing. I'm also on an extended release pain medication for the fibro. It's helping some. I don't notice my hands hurting like they were, my feet etc seem better too although I'll wait until I'm back to work to see for sure on that. However my neck is still killing me. I do think though that I may have possibly pulled a muscle or two in my neck on Thursday trying to lift Sadie into the car. That could be why my neck is bothering me so much. My muscles are so tight I can't hardly stand it. So minimal time spent at the computer means I'm not commenting as much. My neck and arms get too tired. Otherwise all seems to be moving along. I've been trying to get my taxes done. I spent a huge amount on trying to get knocked up last year. It's kind of sad to look at that number all at once. More so than paying it out bit by bit anyways.
I'm starting to do a little better too. I saw the doctor on Friday and I have my pr0zac back and have changed to a once a day BP med that I can't take while TTC or pregnant but since I'm not going to be for a while, I may as well have the ease of once a day dosing. I'm also on an extended release pain medication for the fibro. It's helping some. I don't notice my hands hurting like they were, my feet etc seem better too although I'll wait until I'm back to work to see for sure on that. However my neck is still killing me. I do think though that I may have possibly pulled a muscle or two in my neck on Thursday trying to lift Sadie into the car. That could be why my neck is bothering me so much. My muscles are so tight I can't hardly stand it. So minimal time spent at the computer means I'm not commenting as much. My neck and arms get too tired. Otherwise all seems to be moving along. I've been trying to get my taxes done. I spent a huge amount on trying to get knocked up last year. It's kind of sad to look at that number all at once. More so than paying it out bit by bit anyways.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Show And Tell
This week for show and tell I wanted to show off the great bumper magnet I got from Infertility Warrior a couple weeks ago. It's very cool.
Go check out what everyone else is showing at Stirrup Queens.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Sadie's Home
Sadie is back home and doing good so far. The vet said that she did really well with the meds, so much so that they were feeding her much sooner than expected and gave her the last dose of medication orally instead of by injection. They remarked on how active she is. Yes I know, if we could go for a walk 18 hours a day she'd be happy. It's good to have her home and to see her doing ok. She's a bit wobbly from the meds but really not very much. I have to follow up with a vet clinic in 2 weeks so now I have to find a vet clinic. I've got several names which is good.
Thank you so much everyone for all your well wishes and kind words. I appreciate it so very much.
Now to get me off to the doctor.
Thank you so much everyone for all your well wishes and kind words. I appreciate it so very much.
Now to get me off to the doctor.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Because I Simply Do Not Already Have Enough Freaking Drama In My Life
Yes. There's more.
I came home from work this morning and let Sadie into the house. She was sort of doing her little stumble walk thing that usually precedes a seizure. So hurry hurry get her back out in the yard, not freaked out really as I've done this quite a bit before and it's just a matter of sitting with her and waiting for it to pass. I don't know what time this was but I'm guessing it was around 8:15 based on when I left the hospital. So we go out in the back yard and she of course starts having a seizure. They aren't really grand mal seizures but instead a sort of all over tremor and really bad muscle tension. They have always been fairly long in duration but in the past before I left to travel nurse they were only happening once every 3-4 months. Not worth medicating. So this last 10 minutes or so and then she's walking around sort of ok. Walking normal except she's walking in circles and no puke yet. All of her seizures are followed by puke. A few minutes later it starts up again. Goes on for a while and then stops. Still no puke and back to walking around the yard in circles. Then it starts again. This time there's puke, and poop, and pee. And it keeps going. And going. And going. Like the fucking energizer bunny. Finally I go in the house to check the clock and it's 9am. So off and on for around 45 minutes. And as much as I don't love the idea of putting her in my car and having her poop, pee or puke there if I must I will. Also I keep thinking it will stop any minute. Finally I look up the emergency vet since most clinics will not take new patients on a walk in basis and this is an emergency. I have to lift her into the car since she can't jump there, still sort of stumble walking and the tremors. I head off to the emergency vet where I took Sara almost 2 years ago when she decided to take a flying leap off the balcony. I walk in the door carrying my (really freaking heavy) dog and say "she's having a seizure, it's been going on for quite a while, she has a history of this but isn't on medication." The tech takes her from me over the counter and tells me she is going back to start an IV and is it ok to give her anti seizure meds. Yup. That's why we're here. I go back out and close the door on my car, then back in to handle the paperwork. I'm rather annoyed by the fact that they have my dog in the back and I can't see her. I know they are working on her but still. Finally they show me into a room and tell me the vet will be into see me. I can hear Sadie whining and it's making me crazy. The vet comes in and she's great. Asks questions, listens to my response, tells me her thoughts, what she would really like to do, what's really important to do now etc. She takes me back to see Sadie and while she's pretty wobbly with the Valium and other med to relax her on board, she looks better. Sadie is now going to be on seizure meds. I've avoided it so far as it's a twice a day med and I can't remember to take my own damn meds twice a day. It is however no longer an option. I understand this and am ok with it. The vet wants to keep her over night to get loading doses in to get her to a therapeutic level quicker. She says someone will be in with an estimate soon. Here comes a tech. The first estimate? Are you ready?? $1700!!! My response is "that's not happening." Second estimate is $1000 to which I also respond "still not happening." She goes back to the doctor to talk about this further. I don't know what all was on the estimates as I couldn't get past the damn numbers but I know it was diagnostic stuff. Basically is there cancer etc causing this. I understand the reasoning for this but she has been having seizures for like 6 years and while they have gotten more frequent at least in the last 2 months, I'm not all ready to spend 2K trying to diagnose the problem. Finally she comes back with an estimate of $400 if I take her home today and the possibility of increased seizures in the next week since they can't give her large doses to get her to the right level or $531 to leave her there over night and have them IV dose her several times. I'm panicking some over the cost but you have to do what you have to do. hell I need to diet anyways. So I go out to the desk to pay the $531 and the tech hands me a form saying "we don't think there will be a problem but just in case we need you to fill out this code or DNR form" So basically I have to decide whether to make my dog a full code or a DNR. And I stood there sobbing over this fucking form asking me to decide (even if it doesn't happen) whether or not to let my dog die should it happen or to spend several more hundred dollars and mostly likely have her die anyways. After making the tech cry too and finally getting the form filled out I asked if I could go back and see Sadie again before leaving her. I talked to the vet a bit more and she said she'd call me before she goes home for the night and that the night vet would call me later in the evening. And it sucked so damn bad leaving her there. Yes I do feel like she's in good hands and I'm not really thinking "she's going to die" but it still sucks. And the money at a time when I really can't afford to be spending it sucks.
Oh and last night I got a letter from the State of California stating that they think I owe them back taxes. Because you know their broke and all and trying to dig up money any way they can.
The hits just keep coming. Leaves me wondering what can go wrong next.
I came home from work this morning and let Sadie into the house. She was sort of doing her little stumble walk thing that usually precedes a seizure. So hurry hurry get her back out in the yard, not freaked out really as I've done this quite a bit before and it's just a matter of sitting with her and waiting for it to pass. I don't know what time this was but I'm guessing it was around 8:15 based on when I left the hospital. So we go out in the back yard and she of course starts having a seizure. They aren't really grand mal seizures but instead a sort of all over tremor and really bad muscle tension. They have always been fairly long in duration but in the past before I left to travel nurse they were only happening once every 3-4 months. Not worth medicating. So this last 10 minutes or so and then she's walking around sort of ok. Walking normal except she's walking in circles and no puke yet. All of her seizures are followed by puke. A few minutes later it starts up again. Goes on for a while and then stops. Still no puke and back to walking around the yard in circles. Then it starts again. This time there's puke, and poop, and pee. And it keeps going. And going. And going. Like the fucking energizer bunny. Finally I go in the house to check the clock and it's 9am. So off and on for around 45 minutes. And as much as I don't love the idea of putting her in my car and having her poop, pee or puke there if I must I will. Also I keep thinking it will stop any minute. Finally I look up the emergency vet since most clinics will not take new patients on a walk in basis and this is an emergency. I have to lift her into the car since she can't jump there, still sort of stumble walking and the tremors. I head off to the emergency vet where I took Sara almost 2 years ago when she decided to take a flying leap off the balcony. I walk in the door carrying my (really freaking heavy) dog and say "she's having a seizure, it's been going on for quite a while, she has a history of this but isn't on medication." The tech takes her from me over the counter and tells me she is going back to start an IV and is it ok to give her anti seizure meds. Yup. That's why we're here. I go back out and close the door on my car, then back in to handle the paperwork. I'm rather annoyed by the fact that they have my dog in the back and I can't see her. I know they are working on her but still. Finally they show me into a room and tell me the vet will be into see me. I can hear Sadie whining and it's making me crazy. The vet comes in and she's great. Asks questions, listens to my response, tells me her thoughts, what she would really like to do, what's really important to do now etc. She takes me back to see Sadie and while she's pretty wobbly with the Valium and other med to relax her on board, she looks better. Sadie is now going to be on seizure meds. I've avoided it so far as it's a twice a day med and I can't remember to take my own damn meds twice a day. It is however no longer an option. I understand this and am ok with it. The vet wants to keep her over night to get loading doses in to get her to a therapeutic level quicker. She says someone will be in with an estimate soon. Here comes a tech. The first estimate? Are you ready?? $1700!!! My response is "that's not happening." Second estimate is $1000 to which I also respond "still not happening." She goes back to the doctor to talk about this further. I don't know what all was on the estimates as I couldn't get past the damn numbers but I know it was diagnostic stuff. Basically is there cancer etc causing this. I understand the reasoning for this but she has been having seizures for like 6 years and while they have gotten more frequent at least in the last 2 months, I'm not all ready to spend 2K trying to diagnose the problem. Finally she comes back with an estimate of $400 if I take her home today and the possibility of increased seizures in the next week since they can't give her large doses to get her to the right level or $531 to leave her there over night and have them IV dose her several times. I'm panicking some over the cost but you have to do what you have to do. hell I need to diet anyways. So I go out to the desk to pay the $531 and the tech hands me a form saying "we don't think there will be a problem but just in case we need you to fill out this code or DNR form" So basically I have to decide whether to make my dog a full code or a DNR. And I stood there sobbing over this fucking form asking me to decide (even if it doesn't happen) whether or not to let my dog die should it happen or to spend several more hundred dollars and mostly likely have her die anyways. After making the tech cry too and finally getting the form filled out I asked if I could go back and see Sadie again before leaving her. I talked to the vet a bit more and she said she'd call me before she goes home for the night and that the night vet would call me later in the evening. And it sucked so damn bad leaving her there. Yes I do feel like she's in good hands and I'm not really thinking "she's going to die" but it still sucks. And the money at a time when I really can't afford to be spending it sucks.
Oh and last night I got a letter from the State of California stating that they think I owe them back taxes. Because you know their broke and all and trying to dig up money any way they can.
The hits just keep coming. Leaves me wondering what can go wrong next.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Organization Or Not
Still trying hard to get organized here. I realized the other day that I have several things that I know I had in Sacramento that I can't find now so I have started going back through some of the boxes that I had things in still. I haven't found them yet and it's irritating. Not big things but stuff I'd like to find. So annoying. Especially since I thought I had unpacked everything from Sacramento. I also need to sit down some day soon and do my taxes. The stack of paperwork on top of my printer feels rather daunting. Lets just say I have a lot of medical expense receipts. I've been organizing pictures which has been interesting. I have probably 500 pics of my little sister from the ages of infant through about 5 years old. I also have several more photo albums that I haven't went through yet. I found a bunch of pictures of me and my ex. The ones of him when he was drunk I'm sending to him. Not the best memories for me. Some of the other pictures I have though we looked so happy. No don't worry I'm not considering that road again. We're fine as friends but not more. We were happy until we weren't and it was something that changed on a day to day basis sometimes. They are really good pictures though.
I had an appointment today for a preventative health program that my employer offers. You basically get a discount on your insurance premiums for participating and I figured it couldn't hurt. So I get to the appointment, meet the dietitian I am working with and within 5 minutes she explains (when explaining that she possibly might not be present for our next appointment in May) that she's pregnant. I almost started crying right then and there. Instead I held it together for oh say at least another 5 minutes. Then when she asked how I was doing I pretty much lost it. That always is a killer question for me. I bet she's never had that happen before. I have a phone number for a counselor. I still have my doctors appointment on Friday when I will be asking to look at various meds that need to be changed etc. My life right now just feels out of control. I'm working on it. I'm trying to find a way to make it better but right now it's a struggle. Hopefully after Friday things will start improving.
I had an appointment today for a preventative health program that my employer offers. You basically get a discount on your insurance premiums for participating and I figured it couldn't hurt. So I get to the appointment, meet the dietitian I am working with and within 5 minutes she explains (when explaining that she possibly might not be present for our next appointment in May) that she's pregnant. I almost started crying right then and there. Instead I held it together for oh say at least another 5 minutes. Then when she asked how I was doing I pretty much lost it. That always is a killer question for me. I bet she's never had that happen before. I have a phone number for a counselor. I still have my doctors appointment on Friday when I will be asking to look at various meds that need to be changed etc. My life right now just feels out of control. I'm working on it. I'm trying to find a way to make it better but right now it's a struggle. Hopefully after Friday things will start improving.
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