The Day Before

So beta is tomorrow. I'm still just trying really hard not to think about it at all beyond just having my lab drawn. A bit concerned about the timing as I'm supposed to have this done in the AM and the lab opens at 7:30 and I'm supposed to be at work by 8am. I may end up having to wait until the afternoon for my draw which means I won't have results before Thursday. Yes so far I have been feeling better emotionally. Part of it is the nice weather. It has been really nice here. No fog, no clouds. Sunny and 70 every day. Part of it is that I think I am compartmentalizing some. I'm just not thinking or dealing with what may happen. This means that I don't know how I'm going to react if the news I get isn't good even though I feel like I have prepared myself for the possibility or probability of bad news but who knows. I am thankful for all of you who are being optimistic for me as I'm not doing as well at being optimistic. I know that there are those who have had a pregnancy start this way and had it be fine but I have also seen those of you who have had a pregnancy start this way and had it not last. Right now I just keep praying and asking for calmness and the ability to deal with whatever happens and reminding God that I do really want this little bean to stick if at all possible. It helps some and I'm trying to just ignore (it's getting easier sometimes) the thought that God would never listen to me. It has helped keeping busy and focusing on all the moving stuff and new job stuff. Orientation today was a full 8 hours but it wasn't too bad with the exception of the documentation system that we could only watch not use as it wasn't working right. Sorry, that won't help me much in the long run. Luckily I'm pretty good at figuring stuff out so I may just be able to figure it out on my own. I don't have a schedule yet but should by tomorrow. Yesterday I found the beach here in G0leta. It wasn't nearly as nice as Pism0 but hey, it's the ocean and I found shells. Mostly clam shells but some were really large. So now I'm going to go check in on blogs and then maybe read a bit before bed.