Two Week Notice Given

Well, I gave my two week notice this weekend. I had typed it out and given it to the night shift assistant nurse manager and also to the nurse manager. I offered to continue to work occasional on call shifts. This morning as I was leaving I ran into my nurse manager and asked if she had gotten my letter and she said no but she knew I had been unhappy for a long time and knew that I was looking. I mentioned the offer to stay on call and that was quickly refused. She told me their policy was that on call employees must have 3 years of full time experience first. Strangely I felt a little bad to not be wanted. Stupid probably but it just felt so final. I sort of tried to talk to her and she didn't really seem to have much to say but then she usually doesn't. This is a woman who in all honesty, terrifies me. I've been told that she is very nice but she seems so aloof I just never know what to think. I'm still trying to decide what to do about a second job. I can stay on at the other hospital that I'm an on call employee at (yes I know my job situation is insane, due to the need of a second job which I have had a very difficult time finding one that would work) continuing to do NICU and hope they use me more than I have been used lately. Or, I can try to get on doing something else in the hospital I work at. And I have 2 weeks to decide. It seems very weird to be leaving the hospital I'm at now again. I really truly like it there but just can't find what I want there.
Another thing I forgot to mention last week. I finally got a response from my mom in regards to the letter I sent her in December about my plans to have a baby. Nothing like taking 2 months to respond. It seems she spent a good deal of time trying to decide how to respond. The letter was very neutral. She was neither supportive or discouraging. My general impression was that she wasn't thrilled with my plans, but didn't want to burn any bridges with me which I have to admire. Lord knows she has burned plenty in the past and for her to show this kind of restraint is impressive.
I have decided to hold off on my next AI attempt until the end of June. That will be just a few days prior to my insurance picking up and I won't even know until after my insurance starts. I think the timing will be good. If my cycles continue as it appears to be on fertility friend then I should be doing AI a day or 2 after my birthday which is on June 20th and right now my estimated ovulation date is June 24th which will be the 13th anniversary of when my dad passed away. Getting pregnant at that time to me would be a good circle. I hate to wait as my impatience is always in motion but I know that waiting is what I need to do. So, I will wait. I may be crazy by June, but maybe it will help not taking care of babies every day at work. Now, if I don't go to bed, I will fall asleep at my desk.

My Girlies are Two

Today is the birthday of my girlies. My fantastic, unusual, curious, cats. Ok, so yes, I know I'm a bit over the top but I can't seem to help myself. Two years ago today I allowed their mama to give birth on my bed. Which started at least a 2 week battle with mama kitty about where the babies would sleep. I would put babies and mama in box and somewhere around 4 in the morning, here would come mama with a baby in her mouth, usually carrying it around by it's head, trying to put the baby in bed with me. If I locked her out of the bedroom, she sat outside the door and cried. I finally ended up borrowing a cage from a friend (lg dog cage) and locking her up at nights. It was an experience. So, here I am from this which was taken about a day and a half after they were born:

To this, the inquisitive kitties who will never leave me alone at my desk, who walk across the keyboard, chew on cords, steal my hair elastic ties and generally get into stuff and never act like they have heart problems (they do):

Miss Sarafina Suzy busy watching birds till I so rudely interrupted her.

And Miss Luna Lulubelle who likes to climb in the basket on my shelf and sleep but had a bit of difficulty this time as the basket almost fell off the shelf, but she was NOT going to give up her spot.

Ok, yes I am aware that I'm goofy and a bit over the top. Just wait till I have a baby!

I Got The Job!!

I just got a phone call about an hour ago regarding the job interview I had 2 weeks ago for the clinic here in town in the GI office and was offered the job. Wow, I had pretty much given up hope on that one. Apparently they have been trying to check my references and have had a hard time getting a hold of some of my previous employers. The good news is that they pay cut is only 50 cents an hour (not including the raise I was due to get in April) and with that I don't have to pay for my medical benefits as they are paid 100% by my employer and I don't have to pay union dues. The schedule is Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I finally get to go back to sleeping at night. That will be so great. Plus, once I do have a baby the schedule will be so much more daycare friendly. This is really kind of a relief to me as I was so sure I was going to have to turn the job down because of low pay. Granted, I'm still losing my shift differential which was 2.50 an hour but if I was switching to days at the hospital I would be losing that anyways. I'm still going to try to stay there on call for a while too as I'm still trying to pay off other bills. I'm not sure what to do about my TTC right now. I had planned to take this month off while I'm getting labs checked and then do a Dr. assisted IUI next month but I will have 3 months without medical insurance unless I do Cobra which is so spendy. I probably should wait until I have medical or am close to having medical again. I think I will be without medical until July. Yuck. Funny, that never really bothered me much before last September. I had my medical benefits for 3 weeks before my appendix decided it was done with me. The hospital billed my insurance 25K for a freaking appendix. I can't even imagine what that would have been like if I hadn't had insurance. That would also give me 3 months to work on eating better and maybe to lose weight (yeah right, I've been trying since last August and am not really sure what makes me think I would be successful now). But I don't want to wait. I want to be pregnant sooner rather than later. I'm really wishing I wasn't so worried about potential diseases and biological dads who won't just go away like I would want them to as just going out partying for a night is sounding better all the time. Hey, then I'd even get to have sex. Yes, I know, this is a bad plan even if the sex part sounds very enticing. Oh, I also got my labs done the other day on CD3. I just got a call from my doctors nurse and she said my levels looked good. Like an idiot, I didn't think to have her send me a copy of those results until after I hung up the phone but I will try to remember to ask for that when I get my progesterone drawn in a couple weeks. Thats a relief. As far as your question Vanessa, I don't know if my insurance will cover the cost of those labs or not. I will have to wait and see. I hope they do. It all depends I think on how she coded the request for the labs.

Feeling Better

Well, thanks everyone for your kind words of support. I am feeling somewhat better. Partially because I have a plan. Granted I still have spent the last few days thinking of all the worst possible scenarios. What if I start menopause early, what if I never get pregnant, what if it takes me 15 tries like I've read it has some people (I will be totally loony if it goes that far I'm sure). All of these thoughts have led me to decide that I need to investigate various hormone levels prior to spending any more money on donor sperm. I have one vial left but am planning to use it as IUI and have my doctor do it after I have gotten some lab work done, maybe next month. I called my doctors office today and spoke to my doctors nurse and told her what I wanted (I forgot to tell her though that I was CD 3) and she said she would talk to the doc and call me back this afternoon. I told her I wanted to check FSH, Estradiol and Progesterone for sure and that I knew I was going to have to have at least a couple of different lab draws. I also am taking my antidepressant again. I really don't think that I can keep doing this TWW unmedicated since things that would seem bad normally anyways (fear of not getting pregnant) seem like at least 100 times worse unmedicated I've decided that maintain my sanity it's necessary. Then once I do get pregnant I can wean myself off of the meds. Not the best situation but a necessary one for me. I noticed the last few days feeling very much like past times where everything seems so dark and hopeless. My med is a pregnancy catagory B which means it's one of the safer ones for pregnancy so it should be ok for a few weeks into the pregnancy. So, that is my plan for now.
I had a good time in Seattle but then I always have a good time when I spend time with my best friend R. We have been friends since we were 12 and I have to say that I really don't know what I would do without her. I also got to meet Berrymom for lunch on Monday and had a great time visiting with her and getting to see the absolutely adorable Ethan. And while I was at Bell Square I found and bought some Martini mixers that are wonderful. They let me sample the mixer without the alcohol of course in the store so I bought some of each and I need to go get some Vodka. Since I'm not pregnant, I may as well enjoy some martinis. One was an orange pomegranate mixer and the other was a raspberry peach. Yumm.
Oh and happy happy, it's a little bit sunny. I am so sick of clouds, rain, snow and dreary weather. Of course it's still pretty windy here but I'll take it. I even went outside and took the dog for a walk this morning much to her delight.

CD 1

It's official. Old witch showed finally at 11:30 pm last night after toying with me all day because even though I knew she was coming, since she didn't I kept hoping. I know I can and will try again. I know this is only one try and the chances of it happening on the first try were small but what if it never happens. What if I waited to long and I'm too old or what if I'm too fat. I seem to be a huge failure at losing weight. I don't think that emotionally or financially I can do this as many times as I know some have. I figure at best I can afford 8 or 9 tries now and thats just with the bare basic minimums. Thats not looking at meds, RE's etc. I know, right now I'm just feeling really discouraged because of this 2 week ride and soon I should feel better and get right back into it.

Pretty Sure I'm Out

Well, I am pretty sure I won't be getting my BFP this month. Yesterday I was so sure. I was positive I was pregnant as I still was getting these queasy moments and was having some cramping that was totally different from regular AF type cramps. This morning I woke up and took my temp, it dropped. It was down below coverline and I was having more cramps that definitely felt more like AF type of cramps. Digital pregnancy test was negative. I'm expecting AF today or tomorrow. So, on to the next try. I don't know when that will be. I have 1 vial left of donor 280 that I had hoped to use as an IUI having the doctor do it. I sort of feel like I should make some sort of decision about my work situation though before I decide to try and get pregnant again. I would very much love to stay at the hospital I work for but I could wait months before a position I want to do opens up there. I didn't get the job for the supplemental position at the other hospital in town. I still haven't heard from the clinic that I interviewed with where I thought the interview went so well. So, I'm not sure where that leaves me. I just know it would be a lot more difficult to change jobs while pregnant a risk losing insurance for 3 months and to have to worry about not having any vacation time etc built up before I left. So, on to the next step although I don't know for sure what the next step is. Thanks everyone for your encouragement. I appreciate it. Now, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my trip to Seattle.

I'm being good

I'm being good. I haven't peed on any more sticks. Though they are calling for me really loudly now. I want to thank everyone for cheering me on. I almost tested today but decided I would make myself wait until tomorrow. Plus, I am leaving for Seattle as soon as I get off work in the morning so I won't have any FMU all day. So maybe Saturday. Granted I seriously considered seeing who was in the lab tonight and if they would run a blood test for me off line. If it's a BFP it would show up in the blood test. What held me back is that if it's a BFN, I would have had to work all night with that knowledge. That said, at this moment, I'm feeling somewhat optimistic for several reasons. It's CD 27 for me and even though I ovulated a little later this month and so it's a little off, my temp went up again today. I don't usually put to much hope in my temps as I never manage to take my temp at the same time every day. However, even with that, my temp has consistently dropped on CD 26 the last 3 months for me. Also have been having not quite nausea, but feeling sort of blah. That is the only way I can explain it. I have been having some twinges/cramps in my lower abdomen today which don't feel like AF cramps and I don't ever have cramps prior to AF, just after she arrives. So while I know all of this is not conclusive, and I know I could still possibly get the BFN I'm dreading, and I know that if I do, it's not the end of the world and I can and will try again, I am feeling optimistic at this time. I have my 3 digital pregnancy tests packed up in my suitcase for Seattle. I also have my camera so if it is positive, I can take a picture of it. So with that in mind

Valentines Day

Ok, so I still dislike Valentines Day. Yes, I did take 2 (yes 2) of those sticks (the freebie ones I got from NW) and just tossed them in the garbage. Of course yes I did stop long enough to pee on them but as was stated to me, the result was the same. I'm not really super discouraged yet as I know there is still time from that BFN to turn into a BFP. I'm going to try to wait now until at least Friday or Saturday. I have to say though, I don't know how you women do this month after month. This is probably the second biggest emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. I have went back and forth so many times from thinking "ooh, maybe I am, maybe that was a symptom" to "nope, couldn't possibly be" Right now, I'm thinking no, but my mind could change again and likely will. Today I had a dream that I got a BFP. In my dream, my CBFM told me to expect a bump and then several others showed positive (I was testing with like 6 different tests in my dream). Other than that, not much going on. Still no symptoms really. I thought last night maybe I was feeling a little queasy but that could have just been because I was so tired. I had woke up at 8am and couldn't nap and then was up all night. Well, I'm off to get ready for work again. Happy Valentines day to all.

I'm still being patient, sort of

Ok, so I still haven't peed on a stick. But Chelle, don't worry, I will help you remember that little line about just throwing that stick in the garbage. I laughed so hard at that. Very funny. I still may test on Valentines day at which point I will be somewhere between 10 and 11 dpo. Not exactly sure where. I usually hate Valentines day. Nothing like a national holiday to remind me that I'm still single, and no one is sending me cute cards. So, I could test and get a BFP (unlikely I know) and decide Valentines day isn't so bad. Or I could get a BFN (more likely since it's still pretty early) and have another reason to dislike the holiday. Or I could just skip it and wait for like Friday or Saturday. I don't know if my patience can hold out that long. Still not resting well. I don't know why, I just can't. I woke up today after 4 hours and was totally wide awake and wired. Of course I will likely crash early tonight and then be totally off my sleep schedule for work tomorrow. I did sleep very well yesterday though. It was sort of in shifts which I think I wrote about in my last post but slept really hard while I was asleep. The first time I slept 4 hours and at some point my cat came and crawled under the covers with me and I never noticed it. Then the second time, I slept 3 hours and about an hour after I went to sleep my alarm clock would have went off (I had forgotten to turn it off) and I have NO recollection of turning it off at all. I woke up 2 hours after it would have went off and the music was off (I listen to quiet instrumental stuff to block out noises) and I wondered about that, then late last night, I realized my alarm was still on and I couldn't figure out why I didn't remember it going off. I must not have actually woke up long enough to remember. I'm not taking a medication that I usually take that helps me sleep so I don't know if that is the reason why I'm not sleeping or what. I still get super tired though. As far as symptoms go, I can't decide if I'm discouraged or not. I still don't really have any nausea, my boobs aren't particularly sore unless I poke at them. I'm peeing a lot but it seems fairly early for that symptom. The big and only thing I've had that could be a symptom could also be my imagination or my mind playing tricks on me. I get sort of dizzy. It usually starts off with me feeling too warm, happened twice at Walmart and Costco today. It seemed warm in the store and I was wearing a light weight jacket and all of the sudden, I just felt super warm and sort of light headed and like I needed fresh cold air immediately. I have had this several other times in the last few days (the first time was too soon I think for it to be a symptom). Food does seem to help with this as does cool air. I've also seemed hungry a lot lately. I woke up twice yesterday just starving and couldn't go back to sleep until I had eaten. I don't usually wake up hungry but then maybe because I'm trying to eat healthier, I'm eating less and therefore my body actually has a chance to get hungry. But it doesn't feel like I'm eating less. Better maybe but not less. I want so bad to think these are symptoms and to let myself thing that I might be pregnant but I'm scared to. I am trying really hard to just not think through the whole "I might be pregnant thought".

Pregnancy Tests Are Calling My Name

I can hear them. They get louder every time I go in the bathroom, especially when I first get up in the afternoon. They're saying "Hey, we're in the cupboard here, waiting to be peed on, please use us now!" So far I'm ignoring them, but it's getting harder every day. There are 6 of them, it wouldn't hurt if their numbers were decreased by 1. There would still be 5. Until the next day and then there would be 4. I'm at CD 23 right now and I keep thinking I only have a 28 day cycle, but I think this one was a bit delayed due to stress. So I think it would be a 29 or 30 day cycle. So yes, I know I need to wait. Still not much as far as symptoms go. The big thing is being tired but that could be related to the fact that I haven't slept more than 2 hours at a time most of the week. I did better today as I slept 4 hours was up for 2 then slept 3 more hours. Last night I was so tired at work that I had sat down in a rocking chair with a baby and dozed off (this has happened a couple times before) but then I went and took my breaks and took a nap for an hour. I have never done that. I don't nap usually. Yesterday though I felt so tired that I felt like I couldn't move. Like it was weighing me down and movement was too much work. Again though, this could be related to other stuff.
Well, I am off to Seattle next weekend. Yes Berrymom, I'm going to be in Seattle(or actually Bremerton), I lost your e-mail address though, if you still have mine, e-mail me if you would like to get together. I was planning on going over Friday and coming back maybe Monday or Tuesday.
I haven't heard anything on the job interviews yet but had something happen at work last night which sort of threw a wrench in the plans. I really like the hospital I work for and would like to stay there but don't know if I will find what I want there. This hospital has been the lowest paid hospital in the area for several years. Since they were close to bankruptcy and several years back did a 9% pay cut to everyone in the hospital, they eventually gave the 9% back but are still lower paid than all the other area hospitals. Well there has been rumors that they are trying to adjust wages to be more competitive. I found out last night that in April I'm supposed to be getting a raise. A 3 dollar an hour raise. Now I really want to stay at this hospital, it would be the highest paid hospital in the area. Plus, it would eliminate the problem of not having a year of employment somewhere prior to needing maternity leave, and potentially losing benefits temporarily while I change jobs. I already have some sick leave, some vacation pay. I really want to try to stay there. So, my plan is to try to stick it out in NICU if they will let me until I can find something else in the hospital that will work. Unless one of these other places came back with a fantastic offer that would really make it worthwhile to change jobs. Decisions, decisions.

Slow TWW

Well, the TWW is going very slowly. Very slowly. I'm back to work for a few days which I suppose is good since I'm not just sitting at home obsessing over symptoms or lack there of. No instead I'm at work, obsessing over symptoms. Not really any other than having to go to the bathroom constantly and an occassional dizzy spell. I actually slept ok today which is a relief. I also have one more night of work then 2-3 days off. I am planning to go to Seattle next weekend so I am trying to switch with someone to adjust my days off. Doesn't look like it will happen but I can keep hoping. I haven't heard anything from the jobs I interviewed for yet. I suppose that's not necessarily a bad thing if they are checking my references. Well back to feeding babies and changing poopy diapers. Oh, and while my coworker in the next room isn't looking, I need to switch garbage cans with her so she has the smelly poopy diaper garbage can.

More Job Interviews

I had another job interview today and I think it went really well. The job is an RN position in a GI clinic where they do colonoscopys and upper GI's (involves cameras going to places you would think are illegal). The job sounds great partially at least because of the schedule. It's Mon-Fri 8-5. They were saying that they try really hard to work with people for scheduling issues like doctors appointments, kid related stuff etc. They also seemed like a pretty good group that got along well. It's a busy office so I don't think there would be a lot of time to get bored. They took me around and introduced me to many of the other staff members, gave me a tour of the office etc. Even introduced me to several of the doctors including the doctor who is in charge of the whole office. Overall everyone seemed really nice and welcoming. There are 2 potential down sides of the job. First is pay. I know this particular clinic tends to pay fairly low and they even admitted that the pay was lower than many places. I was told she believed it was competetive with what I currently made. I will have to wait to see what that means. The other issue is that the GI clinic is part of a larger clinic here in Spokane and I worry (maybe without reason) that their insurance will want you to utilize their docs and their choice of hospitals. So, I may have to change doctors. Now for my regular physician, not a big deal. I like him but have considered replacing him in the last few years. However the idea of having to possibly change ob/gyn doctor at this point scares me. It was such a relief to find a doc who was "size friendly" and didn't lecture me, refuse to help me etc because of my weight. I'm worried about changing doctors and having a difficult time finding another doctor that is a good match for me. Also, I believe this clinic works primarily with a specific hospital here in town (not the one I work for) and I really had my heart set on delivering at the hospital I work at when I did finally get pregnant. I don't know if that would be an option. Basically I will have to wait and see for sure if they offer a job and what they are offering as far as insurance/pay goes.
Still nothing as far as symptoms go. Which is to be expected as it's still really early but I keep hoping anyways. It really is a sign of a potentially unbalanced mind to be hoping for morning sickness. Trying (rather unsuccessfully) to not obsess over all of it. I did actually sleep last night which was a huge plus. I slept like 8 hours and only had to get up like 3 times to go to the bathroom. That is sort of new but I may just be drinking more fluid. I usually get up at least once. It seems like I'm getting up more often but it's a bit early still for that to be a symptom so likely it's just my imagination again. No more action hero dreams either. Still looking for a little more and hoping to sanely make it through the next week and a half.

Not crazy yet!

Ok, so I'm not crazy yet. I might be heading that way, but not yet. Again last night I slept maybe 5 hours but woke twice in that time frame to go to the bathroom. I was wide awake at 4 am. The only time I'm usually wide awake at 4 am is when I'm at work. I did manage to go back to sleep around 7 for about an hour but still. Of course because my sleep is such a mess, fertility friend is wacked out again. It's now saying that my ovulation date was CD 14 (usual day) but that was the day before I AI'd. I know that isn't right. I missed temping on CD 15 as I didn't sleep on CD 15 more than maybe 2 hours. I'm thinking it was about CD 16 which lines up with opks and cbfm just fine. According to pregnancy.org calendar, if there was a meeting between the eggie and spermies, it should be getting ready to implant today. So.....

Of course my mind is also playing all sorts of tricks on me. Last night I had at least 2 dreams (very odd dreams in which I was a character in an action movie) in which I was pregnant and one of the few people who didn't die in my action movie dreams. Also, I took a nap yesterday afternoon and when I woke up I came into my 2nd bedroom to check my e-mail and all of the sudden had this momentary horrible dizziness, queasiness and felt super hot and like I had to have fresh air immediately. So, I was standing out on my porch in the cold (barefeet in my jammies) telling myself over and over again, it's too soon to be feeling any symptoms, this is all in your head. Then today I feel nothing, so it was all in my head. Now, it's only 8 more days till Valentines day. I haven't decided yet if I will test then or not. It will only be 10 dpo. But here is a little parting thought.

Still waiting patiently

Ok, so I'm still being fairly patient here. Thanks everyone for your well wishes and kind words. So far I'm doing fine and not stressing or anything. But then, it's only been 2 days since AI. All 6 of my pregnancy tests are still waiting for me in my cupboard in the bathroom. And of course I feel nothing yet. Didn't expect to yet so I'm still ok with that. Ask me next week if I'm still ok and you may get a totally different answer. Now if there was a meeting between the eggie and super spermies, they should be considering implanting sometime in the next few days or at least according to this pregnancy.org calendar thing I found. I had read on NW board about how pineapple helps with implantation so I bought bunches of it. Then I noticed the part about "fresh" pineapple. So I have a bunch of those little individual containers of not fresh pineapple and while I like pineapple fine, it's not something I usually buy to eat just for the heck of it. So, 5 bucks says it will still be there at Christmas time. I did go buy one container of fresh pineapple but that stuff is expensive and so I likely won't be getting much of that.
I had a job interview today. It's for a supplemental position at a hospital that is about a mile from my house for a pre-surgical assessment position. Which is what I want to get into. Monday through Friday. Day shift. Weekends and holidays off. Sounds great. I don't know if I will get it though. And it's supplemental which is on call. Fine unless my current job starts getting antsy to have me leave sooner rather than later. I've already been asked if I'm applying for other jobs. I think the interview went ok. Not thinking I hadn't put down my other current supplemental job since in 2 months I've only gotten 2 shifts there but then realized duh, the two hospitals are owned by the same parent company. It was late when I filled out that application. I did tell them about it lest they find out otherwise and it look even worse. I think they took it ok. I also explained that I basically was trying different things out and if I found something I liked, I hoped that it would turn into a full time position eventually. They did mention that they had a couple of internal applicants who had applied which doesn't sound real good for me as they would I think always hire from within first. I'll have to wait and see what happens. I hate job hunting.
I've got a few more days off work. I'm going to see the blue man group tomorrow night which should be fun. I still have to get my blinds put up in the living room. And I could clean my house. So I have things to occupy myself during this two week wait. If I test on valentines day, that's only 9 days away. If I am good and I wait until the 18th, I have 13 days left. If I don't at least start sleeping soon or something I likely will be crazy by then.

The dreaded Two Week Wait

Ok, so I am now officially in the dreaded TWW.


We'll have to see how crazy I am at the end of this. I do have one more AI to do tonight but I did my first one this morning. So far I am feeling pretty confident with my timing. I was a little stressed on Friday as the lines on opks had gotten lighter but decided to just wait and see. Sure enough they got darker again and I got a positive opk @ 22:30 and again this morning at about 8. I also went again from low to peak on my CBFM which was kind of what I was expecting/hoping for. My CM still hasn't been as good as some months but oh well. I'll take what I can get. So as long as my 11hr and 24hour timing matches up, it should all be good. The actual AI seemed to go ok. I tried using the catheter which I won't use again. No point since there is no way in hell I'm ever going to see my own cervix. And asking someone else to look, yeah I think that pretty much goes beyond the realm of friendship. So, if I ever do this at home again. I won't be paying 10 dollars for the home AI kit when I can get a 1cc syringe from work and I won't use the rest of the stuff. Like the instead cups. Those are a joke. I had all my props laid out where I could see them and everything on my bed within reach pretty much. I managed to get my hiney up on 2 pillows which was fairly uncomfortable. I spent most of the time on my back. I tried the rolling from side to side like a rotisserie and it just wasn't that comfortable. I tried visualizing the spermies swimming up and finding and fertilizing the egg. I ended up thinking "wow, I hope my dad isn't watching all this from heaven". I ended up not using the flarp (anyone need some??) as I'm a nurse and am pretty good at working with only one hand, especially since I'm working with babies. Imagine trying to stick a tube down a babies nose while holding onto said babies hands to prevent them from grabbing tube and yanking it back out. Anyways, had lullaby's playing on CD player and basically laid there and tried to read a book. A little Nora Roberts mind candy. Thanks to Tracey and her suggestion of a "dry run" prior to actual insemination, I knew enough to lock my dog and kitties out of the bedroom. Especially dear miss Luna Lulubelle who is always in the middle of everything.




All in all, it went pretty well. The dry ice seems to be keeping super spermies nice and frozen. No problems like a spilled vial of sperm, everything was just fine. Now of course I have to wait to test. The question of course being, how long will I be able to wait. I happen to have 6 pregnancy tests in the house. 3 I got free from NW when I ordered CBFM sticks and opks which never did work. Then last week when I was ordering preseed since I only had one little thing of preseed and needed at least one more, I was just going to order that, but the website required an order of at least 20 dollars. So I bought a box of 2 pregnancy tests which ended up having a free test thrown in. I got the fancy digital "pregnant" or "not pregnant" version of these. So, I have 6 tests. My goal is to hold off until at least Valentines day and then I'll have to decide but that is a whole other post. Now I will try to stay awake at least until the next AI instead of sleeping in more cat naps. This is getting old. Oh and I still need to put my blinds up. They came this week and I'm tired of worrying about scaring the neighbors by walking around the house in my underwear.

Date With Mr. Catalog Man

WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just about time for that date with Mr. Catalog man and his super spermies. After much worry and stress I finally got a positive opk @ 10:30 this evening so I am planning to AI at around 10am and 10pm tomorrow. EWCM is great tonight and I'm feeling pretty positive about this. I had to get more dry ice this morning and I was hoping that cashier would be there again but he wasn't. Oh well. Funny thing is that even though I didn't know what to say to him, I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing and don't care that much what others think. I know there will be those who disapprove. I've already encountered a few, including my mom I guess since I STILL haven't heard from her. Oh well. Her loss. I'm happy with my decision and know it is the right decision for me. So, my message for super spermies tomorrow,
Thanks for all the well wishes and I will keep you all updated.
Now I think I'll sleep more. That's the sucky thing about night shift, I basically lose one day off a week as I sleep most of the day and part of the night too. I can't wait to not be working nights anymore.

Funny

Ok, so tonight I had to go to the store to get the dry ice for my super spermie transporter and the checker was just trying to make conversation. So, while the other guy was getting the dry ice for me, the checker started asking what I needed dry ice for. He asked first if I just wanted really cold pop. Then asked if I was shipping something and just kept asking. So, I couldn't decide if I should just keep trying to dodge the question, if I should tell him it's none of his freaking business or if I should go for shock value and tell him it was for my donor sperm as I was trying to get pregnant this weekend. That would have shut him up. I laughed all the way to my car. I ended up just trying to dodge the question but it was pretty funny. On a more positive note, CM has finally showed up (thank God) and it looks like I'm only about a day and a half behind schedule so I should be good. I will likely be AI'ing on Friday which is good as I don't have to work Friday night. Much preferable to AI'ing tomorrow and then having to come to work. I'm getting so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**Update** I picked up super spermies this morning after work. I gave them the old pep talk most of the way home. CM is progressing along nicely and although my monitor still says low (it's went from low to peak before) and opks are still negative, they are getting there. I think by tomorrow. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!