Sunny Weekends

Last year it seemed that every time I had a day off it was raining and cold. This January though has been great. The last 3 weekends we've had reasonably decent weather on the weekends and I'm LOVING it. Yesterday I went for a walk (to Target which is close by) and just got out and enjoyed the nice weather. Right now the cats are out in our little yard soaking up the sun and eating grass. Which they will come running inside to puke up all over the floor. At any rate I'm enjoying the nice weather and I can see a difference in how I feel mood wise.

This morning I swallowed my last bcp which is so nice. I know the last week at work I've noticed myself being more short tempered and less sympathetic. Granted I'm not figuring on things improving much with the Lu*pron but I can still enjoy the small parts. Like the last bcp. Hopefully for forever. I still have the general itchiness and the rash on the backs of my arms but I haven't had hives show up in other places yet. I know with the last cycle though the vi*velle caused a rash and itching too so I'm guessing this isn't going to go away any time soon. My only hope is that it's all worth it in the end with not only a positive pee stick and a good rising beta but even a take home baby. I'm trying to think positive and be hopeful while still trying to protect myself from the ache of another failed attempt.

I've got a bunch more of my blankets almost done and will try to get those up on Etsy today. I've also been working on some burp pads that match the blankets. The first one I did is a bit on the plain side but cute. I've got a few more cloth prefold diapers to work with to perfect the idea. One thing though. When did pre-fold diapers get so freaking cheesy? These ones I bought are seriously cheesy. Like gauze sort of and nothing like the diapers I remember my mom trying with my little sister or the ones we used for burp rags at the hospital I worked at. Speaking of the blankets though when I was in Target yesterday getting potty pads for my princess cat the lady in front of me was buying a infant bouncy seat. It looked like it was a gift sort of purchase since she really didn't look like she was having or recently had a baby herself. I stood there thinking I should say something about how I have some great baby blankets for gifts. Then when she was leaving she asked for the gift receipt. I really should have said something. I do also have one of the women in the office of my apartment complex who thinks she wants to buy one for someone she knows who's having a baby. So hopefully. Now, I better get to work. I really want to get busy on the couple of custom ones I have to work on.

Itchy Scratchy

So the last two IVF's I've done I had issues with itchiness. Unpleasant issues with itchiness and I've pretty much assumed it was related to the meds somehow but I'm sort of unsure how. I was still hoping that this time would be the exception. That there would be no itchiness. I've been trying to ignore and pass off the itchiness I've had the last few days as just dry skin as I haven't had a rash at all, just random itching. So today was the first dose of Lup*ron. I gave it to myself a little late as it took a while to get the go ahead from the clinic as the hospital here didn't fax it until late last night and the clinic didn't get it until this morning. I'm guessing it was about 2:30 or so when I gave myself the shot. When I got home tonight I noticed that the back of my left arm right above the elbow was really itchy, when I looked at it there is definitely a rash. Shortly thereafter I noticed the right side starting to itch. I checked there and there was no rash there. 30 minutes or so later, there are now hives on the right side too. Back of the arm, right above the elbow. Oh goody. I guess I'm not going to skip the itching this time. Lets just hope the benadryl helps. I do still have some decadron but I'm hoping to hold off on it since it messes with my blood sugar which I'd rather skip for now.

Fun times.

Meds

So I went and picked up my Lupron today and almost did a happy dance in the pharmacy. I had called and checked with my prescription insurance and they had told me it would be a $50 co-pay for the Lupron. Not horrible but not ideal. I have no idea what I paid for it last time, I just remember that the Lupron (which was the only thing covered by insurance), Vi*velle and PIO were like really expensive. So I went in this morning expecting to fork over $50. They charged me $5. Yippeee!!!!! Now if I can just get the Vi*velle at a much cheaper price than what they quoted me ($25 a box I think) then I'll be really happy. Of course they gave me more syringes. Yes I still have syringes coming out of my ear. Oh well.

Right now I'm so tired. I was up early this morning for a Dr appointment which wasn't for anything good or fertility related but the good news at least was that I got to leave my clothes on.

Step One

This morning started off with the oh so lovely baseline scan. Nothing like an invasive ultrasound to start of ones Monday morning right? They said my doctor will have the results in 2-3 days. I also stopped by the pharmacy and told them to have the Lupron on hand for Thursday. I start shooting up on Friday. So scan was done and much more involved since I had it done at the hospital I worked at. They do the whole thing, outside, inside and all that jazz. That said it still only took like 20 minutes and then I was off to work. Work was surprisingly slow up until the end with the usual Monday afternoon pre closing rush. Oh well. It's job security.

I'm having a hard time today. I'm having a lot of strange random pains. Quite a few different places but the most annoying is the stabbing pain I keep having in my breast. Feels like someone is sticking a needle in it. I've had this once or twice before but never off and on all day like this. It's uncomfortable and I hate having random pains without a known origin. That and I'm scared. I keep thinking "what if this doesn't work?" Realistically if this doesn't work there is a pretty good likelihood that I'm done. I will be so out of money and in debt that I doubt there will be any more tries. I'm trying to think positive and stay calm about it all but I'm having a difficult time. I do know that I'm pretty much doing everything I can. I've lost a little bit of weight (about 20 pounds), I'm doing a fairly good job of eating healthy, I'm taking metformin, I'm exercising fairly regularly or at least more so than ever before. If it doesn't work it's not going to be for lack of trying but that fear is there. Now to get through the next month with my emotions mostly intact.

At The Grocery Store

I saw the funniest thing at the grocery store. On the cover of one of the gossip mags (I forget which one) there was a picture (supposedly) of Octomom in a bikini with the whole "How I got my bikini body back without surgery yada yada yada." I just about freaking fell over laughing at it. Cause you know what? I don't buy it. There is no freaking way she was that damn big and had that many stretch marks and now has a perfectly flat toned stomach with not a mark on it. Either she had some major surgery or there was some fabulous air brushing to that picture cause there is just no way. Even Kate (J&K+8) didn't hide her tummy tuck or whatever. There is no way that octomom looks that damn good without surgery.

Who the hell believes all this shit. Even the lady behind me in line was laughing at it.

Why I Love California

So after a week of almost constant downpour, heavy winds and the darkest dreariest skies this morning I woke up to sunshine coming in my bedroom window. That is such a nice thing. I walked over to the fitness center and it's beautiful and sunny and warm out. Yes there are clouds in the sky and it will probably get cloudy this afternoon but to be able to stand in the sun in January just makes me feel good. Yes I know other places get the sun like this and even at home in Washington we did get occasional sunny warm January days. But there are more of them here. Some people feel invigorated by the seasons. I've realized that I don't. I like the sun. I may not love the 100+ temperatures but I like the sun. Now I better go hop in the shower and clean up after my work out and get out and go for a walk in the sun.

And The Winner Is...

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Michelle from To Baby And Beyond

Thanks everyone for your participation and for those who delurked.

Kinda Stormy

It's been raining here quite a bit for the last several days. I know we need the rain so it's good but of course it's making a bit of a mess. There has also been some wind and we've had at least 2 large trees in my apartment complex come down. I noticed one sitting on a building the other morning when I left for work and tonight they are out taking down and chipping up another that was resting on another of the apartment buildings. I don't think there are any around my building that could fall and hit my building. I can imagine what that crash must sound like though and how freaky that would be to wake up to that. It all makes it a pretty good day for work though as there's no point in being out and about much when the weather sucks so much.

I've got an appointment on Monday for my baseline scan and I'm so freaking happy that I'm only going to be taking bcps for like 2 weeks. I start Lu*pron on the 29th and take my last bcp on the 31st. Yay!! I always forget how much fluid the bcps make me retain and Sun/Mon were pretty bad days for me. I felt so puffy and bloated and then since I'm also almost totally off the chronic pain medication I take ever single inch of me hurt. Today is better thank goodness. Scares me a bit though about how I will feel if I do get pregnant. Hopefully everyone is right when they say the fibro will be manageable. Other than that, not much happening. I started working on another batch of blankets over the weekend but haven't done anything since Sunday. Too sore to sit at the sewing machine. I'm hoping though to get them finished up this coming weekend. Plus start work on a couple of custom order ones. When I get the custom order ones done I'll post pictures of them. Oh and Friday I'll pick a winner for the cupcake blanket. Hope everyone is having a good week.

Important

I just finished reading a post over at Dreaming Of Quiet Places that really got me thinking. A great post about waiting and not knowing in advance what's next. Something that I will admit that I suck at pretty bad. I'm one of those that even though I read a book from start to finish (I never read the ending first) I want to know my ending. I want to know what will happen next. Granted part of me wants to know what will happen so that I can pick an alternate reality if things aren't going to go the way I want them to. For instance part of me reasons that I want to know if (and when) I'll be successful at this whole being a mom thing cause if not I could definitely be spending my time, money and heart break elsewhere. I've even spent time dreaming of what my life might be like if I decided to walk away from trying and decided to just live on my own. But then I've spent so much of my life imaging what my life will look like next week, next month, next year, in 5 years and so on. It's sort of tiring really. The interesting thing is that I've just recently reached a point where I really feel like I like my life the way it is. Yes, I still want to add things to it. I want to add motherhood. Sometimes I think that maybe I'd like to add love of a partner to my life. But I'm happy where I'm at. Stressed at times over money or day to day things but happy none the less. Kind of sad really that it took me nearly 40 years to figure that out. I won't admit to being perfect at remembering it either. Somedays it's so damn difficult to focus on what I have instead of what I don't have. Somedays it's so damn hard feeling like I am forever on the outside looking in and I'm only peripherally important to the people who are so vitally important to me. See this is where I admit to one of my little (or not so little) insecurities. I've always felt like I was and will always be second best to something. Like the people that I have so willingly put first in my life always had something or someone who was more important than me. My relationships were unequal. So many times I've felt like I was giving my all and yet only received (or deserved) to be second best. Hell I was even second for my mom, just behind her religion. She couldn't or wouldn't acknowledge my fear that I wasn't good enough to be important as I was. Instead I spent so much time trying to make myself into what everyone around me wanted me to be. It's just the last couple of years that I've started to work on putting myself first that the feeling of unbalance has diminished and that I feel like I care much less that I'm not the most important thing in someones life. Granted I still have pangs at times but it's better than it used to be. So much better. Enough so that at times I can see myself as being good enough as I am which is a huge step from where I used to be.

Experiements And A Contest

So has the rain started where you live?? It has here. It's funny I grew up in the Seattle are. It rains in Seattle. A lot. Or maybe I should say for a lot of days. But I have never seen rain like what I've seen in California. Granted it doesn't do it very often. Occasionally in the fall and early Winter. A bit more frequent in January and February. Almost never after like April or May. But it does this torrential down pour all day long that makes you wonder if everything is going to float away. Seattle you get a steady drizzle for days on end but it's usually not enough to slow you down too much. This makes you want to hibernate. Granted the gray doesn't help much.

Yesterday morning I walked out of my house into a beautiful sunny blue sky day. Days like that, especially in the winter make my whole body just sigh. Today I don't want to go outside.Yesterday I cut some more fabric for some more blankets. I've got some more really cute ones ready to start sewing together. I also have been wanting to experiment. I love minky which is the really soft like velour sort of fabric. I have a friend from work who wanted something specific and I thought I would give it a try but before I start working on the really expensive fabric I thought I better try something more cost efficient. I had some pink stuff I bought like a year and a half ago to do something with and while the size isn't quite right (the

fabric store stuff is sized smaller than the quilt stores) I was able to give it a shot. Basically same idea as my other blankets but the border is a bit smaller. It turned out mostly ok although one corner is a little bit wonky which I think was more my error than because of the type of fabric I was using. Because it's still a very fun and snugly blanket I thought I would give it away. All you have to do is leave a comment here and on Friday I will enter all the names (and please there should be some way to reach you if I can't just hit reply in my e-mail) in some sort of picker thing and pick someone at random. Also since I missed the Delurk thing last week, for all those lurkers out there, this would be a good time to delurk too. Oh and I'll ship anywhere so don't

worry about what country you live in. The only catch is that if you win and when you get the blanket if someone comments on it direct them to my etsy store. Here are a couple of pics of the blanket that's up for give-a-way.

Let The Hormone Olympics Begin

Yes folks. Todays the day. The day of the first swallowed bcp. That little pill. The little pill that when it first came out years and years ago was just wonderful for so many. It was even nice for me back in the day when I was hoping to prevent pregnancy for a while anyways. Ironic now. For now though it's the little pill that turns me into an occasional stark raving bitch. Oh goody. Funny I got an e-mail the other day from a friend (who doesn't know about all the IF stuff) that was called the Hormone Guide and it had a list for men of bad responses, good responses and best responses. The best responses were all "Here, have some wine." Cracked me up because it is oh so true. It must be tough being a man with all the hormonal stuff when anything you say can have a volatile response either bad or good and the same phrase that worked well last time nearly got you killed this time. Good thing I'm single right?

Away We Go

So this is another one of those few and very far between months that I've actually been looking forward to AF. So this evening when I noticed her arrival I found myself excited. In a couple of days I'll be starting my bcps which while I hate taking them, it will be nice to again feel like I'm doing something. I'm feeling very optimistic about this cycle and am very hopeful this will work. Oh boy do I hope this works. So. Here it is. Cycle day 1 which is hopefully the beginning of many great things...

Overtime

So I've picked up about 16 hours of overtime so far this pay period. I'm hoping my check is nice and that uncle Sam doesn't keep too much of it. I'm not hugely optimistic on that but I'm hoping. Part of that was the 8 hours I did on Saturday and I had worked late almost every evening last week and then late tonight. The extra will help out. Also I'm pretty excited about the fact that I've sold 4 more blankets at work. One a friend in my office bought and the other was the aide who has Sadie. She had gotten one of my blankets before and loved them. The other day she asked if I had anything with dinosaurs and I said I did. Sunday when I did my sewing I made 3 dinosaur blankets up and she bought all 3 of them tonight. Whoohooo!!! I've decided for now not to stress about the whole google and batty*nurse thing. It's not that I'm super bothered by people finding my blog because I'm not. It's just that I'd rather not have my employer reading about stuff like my cervical mucus or dildo cams and such. Other than that I'm fairly open and so am not overly worried about others finding me. If that ever changes then I can do some rearranging.

For now though the name will stand. I even got a fabulous little header thing for my etsy shop that matches the button for my etsy shop. Thank you Calliope.

My One Day Off

So I have one day off this week. I had to work yesterday. Or I had to go to a mandatory class that was really boring beyond belief and want a lot more into that theoretical place of nursing in a perfect world. Cause you know how administrators love to come up with ideas for the lowly working class to implement. Hahaha. To some extent I can see where parts of the idea have merit but again, with current staffing (which is much better here than in MANY other places, so much of this plan just seems like more busy work. It was about 8 hours of how the manner nurses give and receive report can be ineffective and lead to bad outcomes and how we can do better. Do we need to do better? Yes. Do I think that this class which is starting out as a tool to use at this time but which will eventually become mandatory is the answer to fixing this issue? Not so much. At any rate I kept telling myself I was getting paid overtime for the class and getting 10 ceu's which can always help.

This morning I got up and went over to the fitness room and worked out. It was open this morning which helped. I feel like I'm failing the last few weeks when it comes to exercise since I've had a hard time getting up early to go work out. I end up staying up late, usually until at least 12 or 1 and getting up at 6:30 which while possibly doable isn't really happening. So my goal is to try working out in the evening when I get off work and first thing when I get home. I hope this works out. I know how much better I feel when I work out.

Blanket making is coming along. I've got quite a few of them finished and working on more still. I'm also passing the word along wherever I can. At the class yesterday, anyone I get a chance to talk to. I tell them to google battynurse creations and it comes up with my etsy site. It also comes up with a lot of comments I've left on other peoples blogs which is a bit more concerning. Mostly as I don't necessarily want everyone at work finding my blog. For now though I'd like to be selling more blankets so I keep telling people. I'm also posting new things every couple of days or so. So, if you know anyone who's looking for a baby gift, could you tell them about me?

Ideas

So every so often I get ideas for projects. Sometimes they turn out really great, other times not so much. I'm hoping this might be one of the great ones. I'm getting so much positive response to my blankets and I've sold 4 of them so far. It's funny because I was looking around on Etsy tonight and I saw a lot of blankets that used the same fabric I did. In a lot of cases I thought mine were nicer. Granted I saw some that used different fabrics that were nicer than mine but those gave me ideas too that I will likely have to try. We'll see. I did notice that what someone had told me once before that having smaller amounts of things for sale helps or basically listing things on a regular basis as if you go search something on etsy they show you the most recently listed first. So I need to work at listing something new daily. Also I've had several people comment that they were maybe looking for something specific. That got me thinking that I could definitely take special orders. I'm willing to try specific fabrics or whatever. The only thing is that I haven't been sewing long and I'm not positive how something else would turn out. I know I've gotten pretty good at these blankets. Other things I'm not so sure. It's worth a try though. Also I want to figure out ways to get the word out to people not just in blogland to look at my blankets, especially if I start working on other types of blankets and stuff. So I'm trying to figure out how to go about that. I was wondering if it would be worth listing on craig*slist or something. I also stopped into the hospital gift shop today and the manager wasn't in but I left a message for her about whether she would be interested in buying some of my blankets to sell in the gift shop. I'm kind of excited about that prospect. Other ideas are to maybe look around for places that have children's or baby things that aren't like big chain places and see if they're interested. Like I said, ideas.

Tomorrow unfortunately though I'm not going to spend the day sewing like I would like to but instead at work, in a conference room listening to a boring ass class on nurse professionalism. I keep telling myself I'm getting paid over time to go sit there but it still sounds sucky no matter how you look at it.

Holy Crap!

There are 36 posts in my reader from today and part of yesterday. And this is my 700th post. I talk a lot.

This morning Bleu called me which was a really good thing. I had last night ambitiously set my alarm for 6:30 thinking I would get up early again and try working out, even though the day before the fitness room was still locked at that time. So it went off at the scheduled time and I decided I would just get mad if I got up and went over there and the door was locked so I reset the alarm and went back to sleep. Then my phone rang. When I put my glasses on I freaked out a bit when I saw the clock said 8am. Bleu said it was only 7:15. Finally I figured out that in my sleepy haze and without contacts I had reset the time on my clock instead of the alarm. If she hadn't called me who knows when I would have woken up.

This afternoon I thought I would go work out after work (since I've been such a slacker when it comes to getting up early). So I came home, changed clothes, walked over to the fitness room to find it locked again. Apparently they closed it for the night to finish painting. Dang it.

That's my last couple of days. Kind of a boring week as far as time off goes since there hasn't hardly been any. Yesterday I worked 12 hours which felt much longer than it used to. I've worked late every night this week except tonight plus I'm working on Saturday. So I haven't worked on finishing any more blankets in a few days. I do have one I finished but I love it so and I just don't know if I can part with it.

Thank you to everyone for all of the supportive comments and all of the help offered and received. It is all greatly appreciated.

Thank You Again

Again I want to say thank you so much to all of you who have commented on my blankets and to those who have bought one. I greatly appreciate the comments and the sales. The sales are basically going towards what I need for the FET.

I also am thankful for those who have offered Calliope's call for help fundraising. I greatly appreciate that also. It's really not easy for me to ask for help. Not at all. I have no idea why but I'm always worried people will say yes even if they don't want and to help and that they will question why I should be deserving of help, or that if I ask for help people won't like me because I'm too weak or not good enough. When in the course of an e-mail conversation Cali mentioned being happy to help I sat and cried for a while and yet still had such a hard time e-mailing I really like which makes it so much better. It's also a job that I recently (Sept) took a 2K a month pay cut to move to in order to get myself out of a hostile and emotionally damaging work environment. That in addition to the first 2 IVF's that were financed and the house in Washington which the rent doesn't cover the entire mortgage and which has decided recently to cause me problems with things such as having to redo most of the bathroom thanks to an old toilet and sink that were leaking doesn't make for a very good financial environment in my life right now. At the time of Cali's offer I was trying to figure out if my credit was good enough to take out a loan, line of credit or whatever to cover the amount I'm still lacking. I had already made arrangements to deduct most of the money from my paycheck pre-tax with my FSA but I was afraid to have any more deducted from a check that is already much smaller than what I was doing ok with before. Since the change in jobs I've moved to a less expensive residence, I'm in the process of reducing or getting rid of as many extra expenses as I can. I'm trying to earn some extra money in whatever way I can. With working over time, making and selling my blankets etc. I didn't think it was going to be this close to not having enough money back in October or November when I decided to do the FET with donor embryos. I feel a bit like I'm trying to explain why my life is hard and that makes me feel really guilty because I KNOW there are many others who have it harder. I do know this. I do also feel though that since Cali has put herself out there to try to help me that I can at least explain where this need comes from. I feel a bit like I'm now naked in front of you all which is disconcerting. I have placed a donate button on my side bar, underneath the link to my etsy shop. I'm going to be listing more things in the etsy shop as I have them completed. If you want to help know that it is hugely appreciated from the bottom of my heart. If you don't want to, aren't able to etc, please don't feel badly or feel obligated to. I know the timing is not great and I know there are many others who are doing equally poorly.

I wish I had something more eloquent to say that could effectively express my gratitude to those who are even willing to try. Thank you.

Thank You

Thank you all for your compliments on my blankets. I appreciate them and the encouragement to try selling them very much.

So, the Etsy shop is up and while I've only got 5 things in there so far it's at least open. I'll be adding more stuff as I finish them and as I get the pics loaded and resized. The link to the Etsy store is over on the side bar there and says "Battynurse Creations." While the button my not look very sophisticated it was something I came up with playing with paint which isn't something I'm usually all that good at. For now though it works.

So, come visit!

Blankets

Ok so I'll post some pics here of the blankets. I'm also working on getting them listed in my etsy shop and resizing all the photos (Thanks Billy, that worked perfectly). I've finished 4 of them completely and then I had a few left over from the last batch I made. I'll put up a link to my etsy shop as soon as I get it set up a bit more

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Hello

Hi there, anyone out there? Nothing like a slow weekend I suppose. I didn't end up going to the beach the other day. The current money situation is a bit more bleak than I thought and as much as I wanted to go walk on the beach I decided that staying home made more sense. So home I've been. I took most all the Christmas stuff down although I still have to go outside and take those lights down. I've cleaned house a bit, done all the laundry. Stuff like vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom which hadn't been cleaned in far far too long. That is the thing about living alone. There is no one else here to complain if I go too long without cleaning the toilet. Hence it doesn't get done as often as it should. Oh well.

I've worked out twice which it had been close to 2 weeks since I had been on the damn elliptical. Right now I'm fighting with myself about whether to go this morning. I know I should as it's unlikely I will tomorrow. But my calf muscles and my knees are sore and I don't want to. But I should.

I've also spent some time sewing which has been fun. Usually I will put a movie on TV or something and then sit and sew. I like to pick something I've seen before so I don't feel like I'm "missing" something and then work on what ever craft project I'm currently doing. Currently I'm making more of my receiving blankets that I've been giving to people from blogland that are having babies. I love doing these as they are fairly easy to make and they turn out so cute. You're going to laugh when I say this but I currently have about 22 of them in the works and mostly done. No small projects for this girl. See I started all of these because I was thinking of setting up an Etsy shop and selling them. I know they've been a big hit. But then the insecure and negative me spoke up the other day and started with the "who would want them, they're not perfect, they have mistakes, you can't sell them, with mistakes" etc. I hate that part of me. I still would really like to try maybe selling them though. So, any opinions? I did set up an Etsy account last night and tried listing one of the blankets. Problem is that I couldn't upload the photo as it was too big. So I could also use some input on how to shrink the photo size so that I can load it into Etsy.

Other than that, nothing much going on this weekend. Just enjoying 3 days off of sleeping in. Next week I have a 6 day work week as I have some boring class to attend next Saturday for work. Not looking forward to that but at least a co-worker is taking the class next Saturday too. Hope everyone else has had a good weekend!

Dismantling Christmas

So yes, for me it's that time of year to take Christmas down. To pack everything back away and clean up the house a bit. I don't really have a set time each year to take things down, it's a matter of when I have time to do it although that time usually falls somewhere around the new year. This year I have time to do it now. Next weekend I'll only have one day off and I likely won't spend it taking things apart so now it is. Usually it's not a big deal to take things down around the first though as I often will have Christmas stuff up before Thanksgiving. Usually by New Years I'm ready to have my house back to some semblance of normal. This year I was late again getting things up and there is a bit of melancholy about taking things down although I likely feel a bit like this every year. I love having my house decorated for the holidays. Putting things up each year it feels like getting reacquainted with old friends. Going through each of my ornaments and unpacking them and seeing the decorations I haven't seen in close to a year always brings back so many memories. For almost all of the ornaments I have I can remember where I got them, who gave them to me, or the memory associated with them. I can remember painting ceramic ornaments with my friends on the second year I ever celebrated Christmas. That year I bought 80 some ceramic ornaments from what was then Oregon Craft and Floral but later became Mic*hael's. I had almost no Christmas ornaments and it was probably September and I decided I needed ornaments. So I bought all these ornaments and a bunch of paints and paint brushes and set off to paint all of them before Christmas. A friend of mine bought a bunch too. I managed that year to paint almost all of them. Some of them I look at now and think "oh my God, what was I thinking painting it that color." Putting them away today I came across one that was signed by another friend who helped me paint that year. I've got the pickle ornament that was given to me as a gift exchange at the Christmas party I went to in Chico, Ca the first year I was a nurse. I remember the charge nurse who gave it to me. I've got ornaments I bought at the hospital gift shop of the hospital in Spokane where I was born and where I worked for 4 years. Some I got on clearance after Christmas and some I bought before because I couldn't resist them. I remember which are which for the most part too. Yes I also spent entirely too much money in that gift shop too. I have ornaments I've purchased on trips to the coast to Pismo Beach and Monterey. One I got when I went to Kings Canyon my first travel assignment in Fresno. I've got an ornament from my trip to Disneyland at Christmas with BFF a couple of years ago, right before IVF #1 when I was so freaking sure that the next year I'd have an infant.

Putting everything away is very methodical. Everything goes back into the boxes etc they came in. The painted ceramic ornaments? I still have the little paper bags (thanks also to another friend who you could say guarded my memories for several years of me trying to find myself and my way) that the store clerk wrapped each one in when I bought them all unpainted. The lion king ornament that was given to me by a friend the year the original movie came out (1994) still goes back into the box it came in as does the new Lion King ornament that I got this year when I went to Las Vegas to see the Broadway Musical of it. I have the original little decorative boxes for several sets of ornaments I bought at book sales they used to have at the hospital I worked at. I do wonder sometimes if I'm the only one who is this anal about putting things back in the boxes they came in. I hope not. I also have enough ornaments that I likely will put up two trees next year. I almost did this year but a bad phone call that stressed me out during decorating this year sort of ruined my momentum.

This year I find myself wondering though. Will I have someone to pass all these treasures I have, on to. Will there be children to give all of my Christmas treasures and memories to? If I do have children will they view those treasures as precious like I do or will it be just more of mom's junk. I have tried in some cases to write down on boxes etc where things came from and think maybe I should try to do so with more of the stuff. That though is maybe a project for another year.