What Tarot Are You

I found this on another blog that I found today when I was reading Mel's Friday Blogroundup on Stirrup Queens. I had to give it a try. Seems to be somewhat accurate.

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Other thoughts for the day. Have you seen the posters for the movie "Knocked Up"? It says at the bottom "how would you feel if this guy got you pregnant?" Is it scary that I really wouldn't care? I mean he's not a hottie but he's not ugly either and I really wouldn't care as long as I was pregnant. I see that poster every night on my way to work and every night I think that. It's really cool here this morning. I even needed to get a sweatshirt as my apartment is a little chilly. I work tonight then I'm off again tomorrow night, then work Monday and off Tues and Wed. I got the shit schedule this next week or so. The joys of traveling.

Somewhat Productive Days Off

So I've been productive the last 2 days. Sort of. I've made appointments. I have a dentist appointment next Tuesday and an appointment with a gynecologist on the 12th of October. For the dentist I am getting my teeth cleaned (I hope, the new trend seems to be to make an appointment for just a check up and come back for the cleaning) and hopefully a follow up appointment to do the fillings the dentist back in March said needed to be done. Yes I am really bad about procrastinating when it comes to the dentist. I got my hair cut today also which is good because it was at that stage (and had been for a while) that I was ready to start cutting myself.
I've also spent a bunch of time reading. I finally started the Harry Potter books and I'm over half through the 3rd book so far. I have all of them and will just work my way through them all. I knew there was a reason I waited to start reading them. I've also spent a bunch of time sleeping although it's been on a pretty weird schedule. A few hours here and there. That is the beauty of being single and on my own is that I can go to sleep whenever I want to.
I refuse to weigh in for my RNPC page so no need to bother looking. I don't want to know, ignorance is bliss. I haven't been eating very well lately if you couldn't tell. Yesterday I had dreams about cupcakes and all sorts of other wonderful baked goods so I had to go find a bakery to get a cupcake and baked stuff at. And oh it was so yummy. I also went and got P*p* Murph*y's pizza the other day and they know me there. Probably not a good thing, maybe means I go there too often.
I also have dealt with the whole apartment issue and have resolution. And I won!! I had called the office again on Wednesday as I still hadn't heard back from them about what we had discussed last time whether they were going to change my lease and if I could terminate it etc. I was told someone would call me back on Thursday and of course no one did. So last night I sat down and wrote a 2 and a half page letter to the main company telling them what has been happening and why I don't feel like this is a good example of customer service etc. and why I don't feel my lease should be changed. I got a phone call from the district manager this morning by 10am apologizing profusely and stating that they would leave my lease as is without pet rent or pet deposit until my lease term is up. I thanked her for her apology and again voiced that I had been frustrated when I was essentially told that it didn't mater what I had signed and that I was responsible for those amounts regardless of what had originally been agreed upon. I feel much better that this is resolved for now although do realize that come November if I was going to stay the pet deposit and rent would become part of the lease. For now though I can quit stressing about that.
So hopefully only a few days until AF is here. She better be on time (early would be good too) this month. I have a question though for those who use M*dwest. On NW website they have the list of donors and it has a small profile showing basic stuff such as allergies, how many siblings and the genders of those siblings and if they have had any basic health issues etc. The website for M*dwest doesn't show that. Is there some way you can get that?? One of the things that is a big deal to me is the issue of allergies. I'm also not big on using someone who has asthma themselves or family members with asthma. That sort of thing. I was just wondering and the office is closed this week so I can't call either.
Ok now I need to see about making a dermatologist appointment. I've got a couple of moles I want looked at. Yippee, fun fun.

The Good and The Bad

It never ceases to amaze me at how in one day you can have a great moment that makes you feel like the world is all great and then a really bad moment which makes you wonder what you are doing. I had one of those days on Monday. I went to work Monday night and as days shift was leaving one of the nurses I had talked to about my plans to try to become pregnant stopped to talk to me. She said that she knew I was a traveler and that I probably didn't have anyone here to help out etc. She then offered to give me her phone number (which I thankfully accepted) and told me that if I ever needed rides home from appointments or whatever to call her and she would be happy to help if she was able to. That made me feel so good as this was something I had worried about. What if I need a ride home from _______ procedure. To have someone offer like that really was a very kind and generous thing. Then hours later one of my patients who I thought was fine (at least as fine as someone in the hospital can be) was found with no heart beat and we had to call a code. I've had patients die before but if it's someone you are expecting to not make it and often you are expecting it when they get to that point, it's a different feeling than having someone you thought was fine die. And yes the patient did die. This is the first time in my 2+years as a nurse that I've had this happen and while I know that it's something to be expected when you work in the healthcare field it still felt a little unnerving or traumatic or something. It's the moment I've dreaded as a nurse. And I felt so bad for the family who was not given a chance to say their good-byes to the person while he could still hear them.
Thankfully my second night at work went much better. Now I get 3 nights off to rest up again.
As far as the TTC stuff goes I'm still just waiting for AF. She should be about a week away now. I'm still getting the weird sticky CM almost daily. Not a lot but some which is strange for me. I also have been reminded that I need to make an ob/gyn appointment. I have a spot on my right breast that is really tender. I can't feel any lump or anything and it's fairly close to a stretch mark which I think is possibly what is hurting but I should make the yearly appointment and get it over with. Yuck. Although it's better than going to the dentist.

Saturday in Cool Cloudy Fresno

Wow, it's nice here. It's actually almost cold. I heard someone say this morning the weather was awful as it's only September. I was like Huh??? It's just now starting to feel like normal weather. Yes I know, I'm an out of towner. However I'm an in towner for at least another 3 months. I told my agency I would resign with this hospital and stay in Fresno. The hospital said I had to agree to work 2 of the 3 winter holidays. I responded by saying I would just as soon work all 3. Since I'm going to be down here anyways and my agency gives an awesome bonus on top of triple time for working the holiday I may as well. So I'll get to experience winter in Fresno. A little of a bummer that I will be working all the holidays and far from home but when I get the bonus check or new toy or whatever it will all be worth it. The bonus would be almost enough money to pay for my meds for another cycle. Lets hope I don't need it for that though and can instead use it to buy baby stuff.
My cycle is being weird again this month. My CM was absent until like CD14 which was a couple of days late for it. On CD 14 my sticky CM showed up, then the next day nothing, and the day after that nothing. Now I've had 2-3 more days of sticky CM. I have no idea if I have or will ovulate, or when AF will show. It's the old when you want her to visit, she's MIA. Right now is CD 18. It's annoying. I always have had an incredibly regular cycle until I started trying to get knocked up and then it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Whatever.
Also the saga continues with the apartment here. I had two phone calls on Thursday one saying that they "had gotten it figured out and they had a form that I HAD to come into the office and sign that day before 6 o'clock." The second one saying that I could never mind the first phone call, they didn't need me to sign anything after all. The next morning when I got home from work I got another notice on my door saying I was past due 22.50 and that this was my second notice and that they would take the amount from my rent next month and then I would be late on my rent yadayadayada. Interestingly they said I was past due for water, sewer and garbage this time. Which is something that is in my lease that I would have to pay. So I sat down and type this great catty response letter about how they needed to make up their mind about what the 22.50 was for and if it was for pet rent then yes I was disputing the charge since it wasn't on my lease that I had to pay it and I also included copies of my lease in case they were unclear on that. I headed over to take the letter and of course she was their in the office so I felt like I lost a little steam. I basically told her that I disagreed with the charge as it wasn't on my lease and that if it had been I wouldn't have signed the lease. She asked why not (I'm sure thinking that it was a small amount) and I told her I was pissed that the rent had already increased from what I had been told to start with and that I didn't like that the rent kept going up. I told her that I had told them I had cats and the amount filled in on the lease under pet rent was zero. She explained that they leasing agent was new and had forgotten to fill that part in etc. Then pointed out that by signing the pet agreement I had agreed to the deposit and pet rent whether it was on the lease or not (however again their is no amount in the space for pet rent on the pet agreement). She said that I would have to pay the pet rent as I had agreed to it and asked if I had paid a pet deposit. I told her that I would like to be released from my lease (yes I know this is unlikely to happen) since they were attempting to change the lease after I had signed it and I no longer agreed to the lease terms. She said she would have to check and she would call me back which she of course never did. I did also tell her that there was no way I would stay once my lease was up in November. So at this point I don't know what is going on. Yes I do realize that I am being really stubborn over a principle. For one thing, they screwed up by not collecting the right amount when I moved in (I'm pretty sure I didn't pay a pet deposit) and by not putting the pet rent amount on the lease or on the amount of the total I had to pay for rent each month and I don't feel that I should have to pay for their mistake. That said I will admit that part of the reason I'm being stubborn is also because I'm having a bit of renters remorse. I wasn't sure if I wanted this apartment as I had found out I could rent elsewhere cheaper but I had paid the deposit already. I liked the complex here but did feel it was still a little expensive for an apartment that didn't have a washer and dryer. I also knew that I should possibly be taking the cheaper apartment so that I could work more on paying bills etc. After I moved in I have become a bit less enchanted by the apartment. There are train tracks right next to my apartment and I swear to God, that the trains go by about every 15 minutes and they are incredibly LOUD! I also have neighbors who play really loud music almost all day long and that has woke up me several times. The idea of paying more rent for the apartment that I no longer really want because of the above mentioned reasons and because I have other things I want to be putting my money into bothers me. I had signed an agreement and was ok with and figuring I would stay until November as I had agreed to that. Now if they are going to come back and insist I pay pet rent and pay an additional 500.00 pet deposit I am going to freak out. I have a feeling that if I pay the pet deposit that is money that I will never see again and I don't want to give up that much money. I already have lost my pet deposit from the first place I lived with my roommate and my deposit to the apartment from hell that I rented when I first got back here (I'm assuming this as I still haven't seen it and it's been a month) and I don't want to lose another deposit. So yes part of the issue here is my problem but I still don't think I should have to pay for their mistake, I'm only going to be here another 2 months at the most and I hate to give up more money I will never see again. And yes I really do think I would have refused the apartment if they had raised the rent that much more. I already came in that day thinking/hoping they would raise the apartment above the 769.00 that was the first quote so that I could argue that they were changing the rent and possibly get my deposit back. So now because I didn't want to give up a hundred dollar deposit, lets hope I don't lose a lot more.

Paperwork Turned In

Ok so I have all my paperwork turned in to Mid.west. I took the forms out to the doctors office today (no short drive) and they signed the stuff that they needed to sign for it all. Then she offered to fax it all to Mid.west for me. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I should be able to order soon and will have super spermies!!!!!!!! As far as how I feel about the injectibles, I'm excited. I'm excited I have a plan, and that I have hope this will work. God I hope it works. Even though I'm a little worried about mulitples I had reached this point where I really didn't think that Clo.mid would work for me as I think it really thinned my lining out the one time I took it. My period that month was really light. When I think of that it makes me wonder if I should even bother with it in October but I had to wait October out also. I guess I still have a week or so to think about it. If I did wait October out I would be able to pay on bills some more and then have more money to work with in November. I don't know, we'll see. Now I ned to get ready for work or I'm going to be late.

It's All Good

I have a new doctor!!!!! And a plan and a whole hat full of hope!!! All that stress for nothing. Feel free to say I told you so. The only time my weight came up was when I brought it up and what she told me is that it may cause me to have a high risk pregnancy I knew and was aware of the risks and how to take care of myself. K you were right, they seem to see it as their job is to get me pregnant, the rest is up to me and my OB. She didn't even bat at an eye at my BP (which was fantastic today) only said that they prefer to use a different med for BP for the first trimester. She didn't ask me to change it though.
So the whole thing was interesting. I got there early as I left an hour before my appointment since I had never been to this office before and I didn't know how long it would take to get there. So I was waiting in the waiting room and there were several other women there. One woman was Indian (not Native American) and was sitting close by me. So she starts talking to me, I usually bring a book to avoid this but the book didn't seem to deter her. I was torn between wanting to be helpful and feeling really uncomfortable discussing this with her in the waiting room and feeling a bit like I want to take care of me at this moment, not others. So at first she was telling me she has had 3 miscarriages and then was telling me that her husband was still in India for a while and every time she went to see him she got pregnant but always miscarried and now that he's here, she can't seem to get pregnant. I don't know how long her husband had been here or how long they had been trying. She also was telling me that the first time she got pregnant her husband said it was too soon and took her to a woman who gave her some "medicine" to take and she later had a miscarriage. It actually took me a few minutes to figure that one out then I was sitting there marveling at how different cultures are. Basically her husband made her have an abortion. She thinks that whatever this "medicine" was is now preventing her from staying pregnant. And of course no one told her what it was she took. Since I wasn't raised in a culture that completely devalued women and took their choices away etc I have a very hard time understanding how others can live like that but I know to them it seems right. Of course then it took a turn for the surreal when she wanted to discuss sexual habits in that she was told that she should be having sex from 10 days after her period to 20 days after (ok timing may be a big issue for her), and how often she doesn't feel like having sex. That she was told she shouldn't be thinking about having a baby all the time as then she will never get pregnant, and that when she is having sex she shouldn't be thinking about anything other than sex. Well, that was an uncomfortable conversation at this point. When she's asking me how I deal with it I didn't feel it would be kind to go for the shock value of "I don't, I just buy my sperm in a vial". Thankfully at that point the nurse called her back, I had been trying to give the receptionist beseeching please rescue me looks that she didn't seem to be noticing. Then the nurse when I'm back in the exam room myself asks if sex is painful. Gee, I have no idea since it's been greater than 5 years unless you're counting Bob (battery operated boyfriend). After that it did seem to get a bit more normal and less strange.
I actually saw the Nurse Practitioner today and she was very nice. She talked about the cycle stuff (yeah I know that part) and what my options were. They want some more lab stuff done. A prolactin, LH and TSH which is about what I expected. She did say that my egg reserve was borderline. My OB at home had said it was good although she may have clarified that with a "for your age" but this lady said borderline and basically that we really shouldn't wait around to get going. She said they use Clom*d but usually for women who are not ovulating although she would go that route if that was what I wanted for 3 cycles. She preferred to start with injectibles for up to 4 cycles and if that hadn't worked then we would look again at options to decide if I wanted to go with IVF. Now I don't honestly know that I would want to do injectibles 4 times before going to IVF but I don't need to make that decision now which is good since I seem to change my mind daily. I also need to call back on CD1 and they are going to schedule an HSG. yippee. Oh well, I really should do that before I continue to throw money up my hoohaa. Of course that won't be done in time to do an injectibles cycle but she said that I could also come in at the beginning of my cycle and do a baseline scan and do 1 last clom*d cycle while we are waiting. She offered to do a scan today but since I have no sperm, it's pretty much a waste of money. I put the good panties on for nothing. She said I can use whatever sperm bank I want to and to have 3 vials shipped at once. The known donor is out. She said that I would have to wait 6 months for all of the testing etc to go through and that she doesn't feel it's in my best interest to wait that long. So I need to call J and let him know. I need to get hooked up with a new bank (anyone have any word on how quickly Midw*st can get you started and let you order?). I also really should try in the next couple of weeks to get a Pap (oh goodie), my teeth cleaned, fillings done etc. Oh and I guess I will be staying in Fresno for at least another 3 months. Good news is that I can quit temping and I don't have to buy opks anymore either as from now on, it's all monitored. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

T Minus 12 Hours

Ok, so my appointment is less than 12 hours away. Heck, by the time many of you read this, I'll be back from my appointment. So let's hope it goes good. I still have no idea what my body is up to. My CM that should have shown up is MIA again and there doesn't seem to be much if any sign of ovulation in sight. Maybe I'm glad I didn't spend 150.00 on fresh sperm (shipper and shipping) again since I'm pretty sure you need to use that fairly quickly and gee if I'm going to ovulate late again who knows when I would have needed it. So, I'm just trying to remain calm until tomorrow and hope for the best with the appointment.

Sunday

Ok, so one more night of work. I can live through that right?? Well I totally paid last night for the super easy night I had Friday night. I had 3 patients in restraints, one smoking in the bathroom, one fell and smacked his head on something and cut his forehead, another kept getting out of bed and walking on his leg that he wasn't supposed to walk on and slugged a security guard. Oh man. I so do not want to go back there tonight. But it's just one more night so I suppose I will survive.
On another note, I was spammed on my blog!! What the hell?? On my last post there was a comment about vacation spots or something. Is that why many of you do the word verification??? I suppose it's not a big deal but it's annoying.

No Word

So I have never heard back from the finance manager. She never called me back yesterday despite 2 phone calls to her leaving a message. And no voice mails today either. So I'm pretty sure that they can't change it. My cats are mentioned in the lease agreement and on the page with the breakdown of expenses under the topic of pet rent it says zero. It's not blank, it says zero. So the poor girl who filled out my lease agreement screwed up and I hope she doesn't get into to much trouble but they made a mistake and I'm not paying the additional money.
Last night at work was fantastic. I had 3 patients between me and an LVN until 2:30 in the morning and then got a 4th. I can hope but am not counting on it being that easy tonight. Something of course will change.

Question

So I'm waiting for the financial manager to call me back regarding this little note I got in my door last night saying that I owed them another 22.50 for insurance and pet rent. I spoke with one person in the office and was told that EVERYONE who has pets pays pet rent and that the leasing agent I spoke with must have made a mistake with not putting it on the lease if I had in fact told them I had cats. I did tell them I have cats. I've got the copy of my lease agreement and it specifically says zero under the space for pet rent. Also the page that shows the breakdown of what my rent is shows the total amount to be 775.96 which is exactly what I paid them. So I know this isn't a big amount but I don't want to pay it. Can they change my lease after everything has been signed etc and I'm moved in?? When I had originally looked at the apartment I was told rent was 769.00, then when I came and put the deposit down on the apartment I was told the rent was 725.00. When I came to sign the lease I was given a rent of 775.96. Between the time when I paid the deposit and when I came to sign the lease I spoke with another traveler who lived in a decent apartment that was much cheaper. She said she felt comfortable there and wasn't worried about security etc. So I considered renting there instead. Not as nice of an apartment but significantly less rent, therefore more money to pay bills and TTC with. I was frustrated with the change in the price of rent from the 725.00 to the 775.96 but the difference in cost was for cable television which is provided (and mandatory I pay for it) and renters insurance which is also mandatory. Ok, I don't like it but I hate to lose my deposit I've already paid. However if the rent had been elevated to almost 800.00 a month (yes I know only a 25.00 difference) I would probably not have rented here as I was somewhat ambivalent about renting here in the first place. I probably would have went with the cheaper apartment. Now they are trying to raise the rent on me after I have moved in. That doesn't seem legal.
And another question is am I being unreasonable. Am I expecting too much from businesses when I expect them to follow through on what was offered or originally done etc. I am just at the point where I'm starting to feel like I get screwed on a pretty regular basis. The first apartment complex I was in, this apartment complex, NW. Maybe I am being unreasonable.

More Decisions To Make

Ok so I honestly will probably be sitting this cycle out. I didn't even think about that I can't order the sperm shipper again from NW as they aren't accepting any orders from me until I update my paperwork and I haven't had time to research buying one from somewhere else. I would need it all by Monday or Tuesday of next week so I don't think I have time to get my hands on one this time around. I think it is really weird how NW can be so helpful and provide great customer service to some and such a pain for others. I know that part of the reason they are being difficult with me now is that I've had so many different address changes in the last few months and I do understand that. However, it always seems like something like this happens when I'm in a time crunch. Even back when I had to send in a deposit which I hadn't had to have before. I had to overnight the money and then order everything as a rush. When I needed sperm in July and all the sudden I can't come pick them up so then I have to ship for absolutely astronomical shipping charges and again I have to rush things because since I can't pick them up it's an extra 2 days on to everything. And yes I'm sure they would reason that I wasn't planning ahead but I feel like they keep changing their policies with me without giving me any advance notice. I also think that their shipping charges to local areas are crazy. I've seen a couple of other sperm banks that offer free shipping or ok to pick up if you live within a certain radius. M*dwest does as does one of the ones here in Cali I believe. I think it's crazy that I can have sperm shipped from much farther away with M*dwest for cheaper than I pay NW when I live in the same city. So that is my frustration and why I want to change banks. That said it worries me that at some point in the future I may need them and I hate to burn bridges.
So I'm like 5 days from my appointment and I'm hoping that it all works out and the doctor is ok with helping me. I talked to my agent today about upcoming assignments. He said that he has assignments open in S*nta B*rbara. I would LOVE to go there. However the pay sucks. The pay is at least a hundred a week less (yes that doesn't sound like much) than where I'm at now but the rent is going to be a lot more expensive there. Over a thousand a month there. I could get a place here for around 500.00 if I move somewhere cheaper. Yes I'm aware it's crazy to be thinking of moving again. However if I'm thinking about saving money it might be a better choice. Also I got a letter on my door today saying I was short on my rent because of pet rent and insurance. Now my lease said nothing about pet rent and I paid the amount on my lease so yes I will dispute this. But if I dispute this much, they may not allow me to renew my lease in November if I stay here. So I basically told my agent to give me until next week to decide. I keep thinking that I really want to go somewhere else but the money here is better than anywhere else and depending on how expensive the whole TTC thing ends up being, I will likely really need the extra money.
Last night at work I couldn't resist anymore. I work with another nurse who is pregnant, about 35 weeks now and tonight is her last night. She has been really nice to work with. I have had for several weeks this urge to feel her belly (nothing twisted about that, just a need to experience someone else's pregnancy until I manage to get pregnant myself). I have restrained myself so far as I think it's a bit weird to go touch someones belly unless invited or you know them really well. So finally last night she was standing there feeling the baby move and I couldn't resist anymore. I finally asked if I could feel and she said sure. What an amazing thing. I can't even imagine what that must feel like from the inside but it was amazing to feel this little being moving around and trying to get comfortable. All I can say is God please let me feel that someday. And that is saying a lot for me since I have problems asking God. Goes back to a long history of having warped things about God drummed into my brain which probably would bore you all or make you think I'm crazy. I'm not, I suppose I'm just lacking in the faith that others have.
So that's it for tonight. I slept all day and I feel like I could go back to sleep now. I have to work again the next 3 nights. I have found a way around my internet connection to post pictures. I can post to fl*ckr and then put a link here for you to go look at. I still haven't found a way to post the actual picture on my blog but there are pics. There are pics of my chubby self, for B there are pics of ducks. There are pics of my girlies and some of the pics I took at Pismo Beach.
Congrats to Deena on your BFP and to Rajen on your ultrasound results. Wow, twins. I'm so happy for all of you.

Undecided

Well I got an e-mail from NW that they had tried to send me a bill (for sending dewar back late) and it came back. So I called the office, gave them my address and paid my bill. However now they want me to resubmit my paper work before I can order again. So, I guess I'm not ordering again from NW for this month. Which then leads me to the whole thing of I'm sick of them. I can have stuff shipped from Chicago which is a whole lot farther away from my house than NW is much cheaper. However I don't at the moment have the doctors signature. But I am frustrated enough and have been considering giving up with NW so I am thinking that I need to just have them send my deposit back to me and quit using them. I mean if I have to update my paperwork with them then it wouldn't take too much longer to hook up with a new bank. It still wouldn't happen this month but I can have J send me more of his. Or I could just wait and see what the doctor says. Which I may just do. I hate to sit out a month but it would make sense to just wait at this point and see what the doctor says. However if doctor says he won't help me then I'd be upset that I wasn't trying somehow this month. So, I'm still undecided.

Mostly Great Weekend

Ok so I had a pretty good weekend. Saturday was fantastic. Sunday was ok. I had planned on renting a segway and taking it down on the beach. They have these beefed up ones (that looked like they would hold my weight) that can go down on the sand. So I was going to do that. Then by the time I got to the rental place he had just sent the last 3 out. He told me to call back around 3. What I should have done at that point was either go rent an ATV instead or drive up to Hearst Castle or something but I instead drove around town, down to Arroyo Grande and didn't do much of anything. I tried sitting on the beach very briefly but could feel myself getting sunburned so gave that up fairly quickly. So when I called back the guy renting them said that the people who had them before had them out longer and that they weren't charged enough for me to take one out but that I could come back today at noon. However I was planning to head home by then as I was worried about my girls and had a bunch of stuff to do still before going to work tomorrow. By that time it was too late to rent an ATV or go to Hearst Castle etc. So I drove up to Morro Bay for a bit but then I started getting a horrible headache and ended up going back to my room and spending the rest of the evening laying down and trying to get rid of the stupid headache. Finally at 11pm I felt a bit hungry and so I ended up at Denny's to eat. So Sunday wasn't the greatest. Plus I got to thinking about the fact that I had been so sure this whole TTC thing would be easy. I had thought I would have a baby by Christmas and here it is September and I'm not even pregnant yet. Granted I did have to take a few months off with job changes etc but still. That put me in sort of a blue mood. Overall though it was still nice getting away from smokey hot Fresno and I love the weather at the beach. It was so nice. I've got 3 days in a row coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking maybe San Francisco this time. If I do, Tracey we should get together and have dinner or something. Well, I'm about a week away (as of tomorrow) from my appointment so let's hope that it all goes good next week. And my schedule for the next week sucks. I work Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm off Thursday and then I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Yuck.

Not Too Shabby

Ok, so the hotel room isn't bad. I'm rather impressed. The room has been updated and the room itself is nice. The view pretty much sucks but I had read that on the reviews so I expected it. It's way better than I thought it would be.
So today I walked on the beach a bunch. I also walked out on the pier. It was pretty and in looking over the side I saw this guy and girl together sculpting boobs out of sand. It was pretty comical. Quite a few people (mostly all men) were taking pictures of the sand boobs. I unfortunately hadn't brought my camera with me so couldn't take a picture. I didn't find any whole shells on the beach today. All were broken. I did see several jelly fish washed up on the sand. I think they were dead but they were pretty. They looked like they had a purple flower in them. The weather is fantastic. It's sunny, was about 70 degrees and I love it here. I hate the idea of moving somewhere on a permanent basis where I don't know anyone since I have a tendency to withdraw and spend most of my time alone. I also get to missing my friends and everything but I really seriously think I could live here. Or somewhere close by here. I love it. The climate is pretty much what I like, I love the coastal towns and I have wanted for years to love close to the ocean. The closest I have ever come was when I lived in Portland and was about an hour or so from the coast. But I would love to live somewhere in this area.
I'm trying to decide if I'm going to try again this cycle or just wait to see what the RE says. I will be seeing the RE around the time that I'm due to ovulate. Part of me keeps thinking that I could have some sperm and see if maybe while I'm there they would do the IUI. Probably not but I suppose I could do it at home too. Then comes the which sperm question. I could have J send me some more of his and have that on hand but I am fairly sure that they wouldn't do an IUI with his since I don't have records of his being tested for various diseases etc. I know he had the testing done, I just don't have records of it. Plus I don't know for sure that his are surviving the transport stuff. Or I could go ahead and order a vial from NW and have it shipped down here. Maybe I'll call and check who they have available. If I am going to work with this doctor I'm going to see if I can either get hooked up with m*dwest or another sperm bank instead of NW. I'm just to the point where I am totally not impressed with them.
Now I think I'll read my book for a while before I go to bed.

Finally

Ok so I'm a bit of a procrastinator sometimes. I looked on h*t*ls dot com the other day (Tues I think) and there weren't hardly any hotels for Pismo Beach this weekend unless I went Sunday/Monday which I didn't really want to do as I work Tuesday night and I don't want to get up Tuesday morning and drive home. The ones that were still available were either the low star rating places or really expensive. So I didn't book a room. I waited until tonight. As of tonight there was 2 places left with rooms available for Saturday/Sunday. The one star place and an unrated place. The unrated was more expensive but the pics didn't look that nice. The one star place had one ok recent rating (said the view was not so good but all else was good) and several bad ratings from March and April complaining about the construction as they were remodeling. So hopefully most of the remodeling is done, I will have an updated room and it will be ok. Since that was all that was left. You would think the weekend after labor day wouldn't be too busy. I did and I was wrong. Still excited though. I won't likely be spending a lot of time in my room and more time on the beach. And hey it will be cooler than Fresno. Although I have to say it does feel like it's getting cooler here too. Thank God. Wish me luck that my room isn't too scary.

It's Friday, It's Friday. Lalalala

Yay, it's Friday and I have the next 4 nights off. I still don't have a hotel reservation which might bite me in the ass but I think I will figure something out. Busy night at work but hey, I had a week (2 nights) where I had NO crazy little old ladies that needed to be tied to the bed. Yippee!!!!!!!!! And my patients really weren't too bad just had a bunch of business this morning from 3 on.
It's hazy and yucky here thanks to the fire that Tracey mentioned. I'm getting closer to RE appointment which is improving my state of mind at least somewhat. I also got a call from the witch vet yesterday saying the girlies kidney function is fine and she will renew my meds for longer. She didn't say how much longer but she is sending me the results so I will make sure Dr. Katie at home gets them. Much better.
Not much else going on at the moment. Or maybe there is and I'm just too tired to remember what all it is. So I need to go get some sleep. I will weigh myself (yuck) when I wake up and post it later today (not the actual number though). Anyways, Congrats to Rajen you will be wonderful mommies and yay for Michelle who will be heading off to Guam in a few months.

Onwards And Upward??

Well the TWW is over again. AF showed this evening 2-3 days early. I actually (pathetically) got excited at first when I saw the spotting thinking maybe it was a good sign but it has all rapidly progressed to the full meal deal complete with gut ripping cramps. Goody. So, now on to the RE appointment on the 18th. Lets hope that something good comes of that. FF has started even giving me little messages about how my luteal phase changes more than it should. Haha. Interestingly AF would be due about now if she had shown up on time last month but was a little late since I was still taking progesterone. Then I really think ovulation was early (not what FF is showing). Whatever, I just want my body to cooperate for me. Now I wonder what else I can eat.

I Forgot To Mention

I forgot to mention my trip to a new vet with my girlies the other day. I didn't manage to get them in to see their regular vet while I was home in July as she was on vacation that week. So I had to take them to a vet here. And of course since I waited until they were almost totally out of heart medication, I didn't have much time to shop around. So the office I made an appointment with didn't ask to have their vet records sent over or anything which the day of the visit I got to think that was a bit odd. So then after I get there the tech comes out and says she doesn't know if the doctor will be able to get me a refill of my prescription today because the medicine is a serious medication (its an f'ing beta blocker for god's sake) and there are things that need to be checked. Oh and I had both girls on leashes which is usually how I take them to the vet and the first thing they do is take them away and put them in a cage in the back since "there are supposed to be a couple of large dogs coming through the waiting room any minute" which I sat there an hour and never saw. So finally I get taken back to a room and one of the first things the vet says to me is "so you've NEVER had any monitoring of them since they started on the medicine what, 18 months ago?" So then she proceeds to examine both of them and leaves the room. She comes back and says she will give me a refill for 20 days of medicine and I need to have lab work done to see how the meds are affecting their kidneys. I ask what happens if it's affecting their kidneys and she says we may have to change medications or change their diet. Diet ok, but I was told the med they are on is the only one they can take. I then asked about Sara's watery eye. she has had a lesion in her eye twice now. I know she has herpes in her eye which is related to the rhino virus which is incredibly common in cats. They both have had it but Luna lost part of her eye sight in one eye (it's opaque) and Sara's eye still waters some. So the vet starts telling me that the drainage in that cats eye (pointing at Luna) tells me that she has active herpes. So I'm sure I had a confused look on my face since Luna's eye really doesn't have drainage at all and I had been asking about Sara. So the vet starts getting pissy and is doing the pointing thing at Luna saying "That cat! The drainage from her eye" at which time I asked if she meant Sara, pointing to Sara. She said "NO, that cat right there, her left eye should look like her right eye!" and I said yeah, she's partially blind in her left eye. And she was like "no, the drainage!" Finally she stopped for a second, I had been afraid to say anything, and looked a Luna, and then bent over and turned Sara's head towards her and looked at Sara's eye and said "oh, well this cat" I was so pissed!!! First this lady is totally confrontational and is bitching at me and acting like she thinks I suck as a pet owner and she is pointing at the wrong damn cat. Yeah that inspires a lot of confidence in me. So this morning I had to take them back for lab work. I should have found someone else but didn't want to go through the office call etc again. They charged me a half day hospitalization at 17.50 each cat for a 2 hour stay. She said she would call me tomorrow and let me know what the results were. But from the sounds of it she has no intention of letting me have a copy of those results. Well, I have no intention of taking my cats back there. Last night I was sitting here and got it into my head that I was going to take my cats there and she was going to try to take them away from me because she thought I wasn't taking care of them right (gee, I wonder where I got that impression) and I was a total basket case this morning when I dropped them off. I was so nervous that I couldn't go back to sleep until after I had went to pick them up. I even had all sorts of bad weird dreams. I don't remember what those dreams were but I remember they sucked. Anyways, both girls are home now and for now I've got enough meds for about a month. I should get more refills soon and will make sure my vet at home gets the results of the tests etc. They were faxing them back to that vet office and my vet left that office. I follow her so I need them to go to the new office. This is why I hate going somewhere new.
Not much else going on. I still haven't decided where I'm going this weekend. I really want to go back to Pismo Beach but was looking online for hotel reservations and most places are full up. So I'm not sure. I would love to go to San Francisco but I think I would end up spending a lot of money there. So still thinking about it. Still not sure where I am in my cycle. I'm either 13 dpo according to my calculations or 9 dpo according to FF. Still nothing really. I still don't see how it could have worked either. But then I don't feel like AF is on the way either. But then maybe it's too early if I just ovulated 9 days ago.

Sleep Is Good

Ok so after a good 7 hours of sleep or so I'm much better. Granted I think all of you are gone this weekend. Enjoying the holiday weekend I hope. Of course being a traveling nurse I am working the holiday. That's ok though. I have a 4 day weekend next weekend and I'm definitely getting out of this hot freaking town. I am so miserable it's not even funny with the heat. I really don't deal with it well. I think part of the problem is that my Proz*c makes me sweat even more than usual and so that seems even worse. Of course who knows what my hormones are up to and that could be contributing also. I'm not actually taking any hormones at this time though.
Now to decide where to go next weekend. Part of me wants to head up to San Francisco again and spend at least one night there and explore some more. Another part of me wants to go back to Pismo Beach and spend another couple of days. I liked it there so much. I'm definitely not staying in Fresno though.
The TWW is plugging along. I really haven't been stressed at all or anxious about testing or anything really. I guess because I really don't think it worked. I know I should be thinking positive but I really don't think it worked. My FF chart never even showed I ovulated until today it showed an ovulation date of 4 days later than what I thought it was. My temps have been all over the place. I'm not taking any progesterone supplements although I probably have some in my system naturally. I have sore nipples. They started a day or two after when I thought I ovulated. That's it though and I just don't think my timing was that great and I'm not even sure I ovulated. So, I'm just waiting for AF to show and for my appointment with RE.

I'm Back

Ok so after another 3 nights in a row of work, I've been MIA a bit. Sorry everyone. It's been a crazy 3 nights. My request for the week at work is to have one week where I don't have to fight someone to get them back in bed or tie them to the bed to keep them there. Seems like a reasonable request doesn't it????? I guess not. I have a crazy schedule. I just did 3 nights on, I have 1 off, I work one (of course the holiday) have 2 off, work 2 then have 4 off. I'm excited about the 4 off. I'm going somewhere and getting out of this hot town. Now, I need to eat some breakfast/dinner (brinner?? difast?? , and which is it really when it's your meal before bed, first thing in the morning?) and get to bed and get some sleep. I will post more this afternoon/evening when I wake up again.