Oh boy do I need children

I really do need to have kids.
The poor pets really aren't as thrilled with the halloween festivities as I am. Especially the dog.

Baby Showers

Well, I just came home from a friends baby shower and it was fun but also left me feeling sad. I'm really happy for the mom to be and any time someone is having a baby, it's exciting. There's a part of me though that feels like it will never be my turn. I know that I am planning to try and get pregnant in a few months and I know that the time will fly by, but I just want to get started. I want to be pregnant and feel the baby moving, and all the good, bad and ugly stuff that goes along with pregnancy. I know it will happen, one way or another, it just seems so far off and my lack of patience is getting the better of me tonight. It was a pretty cute shower. It had a 1950's theme and the mommy to be's mom made her an authentic (pattern from the 1950's) maternity outfit which was really cute. The skirt was funny, no stretch panel. Instead it had basically a hole where the belly was and then it tied above the belly. I won a prize on one of the games (a tupperware bowl) which I then accidently forgot. Oops. That's just my scatter brained self I guess. Oh, and the cupcakes were the birds and the bees. Very cute. They even found a bunch of old style soda pop and candy. Well, I guess I'll turn in for the night. I have a horrible headache as I spent a couple of hours today trying to change a light fixture in my kitchen with my arms above my head and now I'm paying for it. Light fixture looks much better than the previous 70's look that was there. And it works. Of course it took me hooking it up, unhooking it, hooking it back up, getting pissed because it wasn't working before I finally remembered that there had been 2 of the 5 light bulbs from the previous fixture that were burned out. Soon as I changed the light bulb it worked great. Like I said, it's that scatterbrained thing.

Planning the process

I'm a planner, I have to make out a plan for anything major I do and I usually do this way in advance, get excited etc and jump in, often not really following my plan completely. This works for me most of the time although it can get stressfull sometimes too.
My plan to become a mommy. I had talked about doing this before many times. I had told myself that I could do this and I would do it but had never really taken it farther than the idea that it was possible. Then this last spring I moved back home after a lonely year in California. I got a job that I have wanted for a very long time, and I bought a house. All of the sudden I realized that I had in line all the things that I had told myself I needed to do before I started working on becoming a parent. So was that the next step? I'm 36 so I don't feel like I can wait too long. However, as much as I always said that I would do it alone if I had to, I don't know if I ever really believed that it would actually come to that. As much as I've told myself that I didn't count on finding my soul mate, a part of me also sort of figured I would. While, it's still a possibility that I might someday, my biological clock is running down fast and I feel like I can't wait any more. I need to get started. So, I've decided to start this journey on my own and hope that someday I will find the someone I can share my life with or that I can continue to be content with my decision to go it on my own. I have many friends who are supportive and will add to the life of my child. I have "honorary" grandparents since there won't be any involvement from my mom likely. I have godparents that will act as parents if God forbid, I'm not able to.
I'm currently working on weight loss as I know that my weight would make my pregnancy higher risk although I can't decide how much I should worry or stress about it since my doctor told me she wasn't worried. When I first decided in August that I was going to do this, I had planned on starting to try June of 2007. Now, it's almost November and I'm getting anxious. In visiting a chat board of women TTC, there are so many who have been trying for months. I'm afraid what will happen if it takes me that long. Plus, I'm excited. I want so badly to be pregnant. I want to join that club of pregnant women who are waiting their nine months for their miracle. So, I've now moved my date up some. I am hoping to start trying in February or March. I would love to have a Christmas baby or a Thanksgiving baby. Partially because I'd love to have the holidays off. I guess I'll still have to wait and see. I've got a ways to go yet. I'm working on paying off bills and the weight loss and trying to get my cycles figured out so I know exactly when I ovulate, not just the week I ovulate. Hopefully this blog will help me write it all down and find a way to take it one step at a time.

October 26, 2006

Well, here is my beginning with this blog thing. I've got a ways to go to my goal of becoming a mommy but this is where I will write about the journey.