Everything And Nothing

So what's happening in your life?

Mine, lots and not much all at the same time. It feels like it's been forever since I've posted much of anything (I started this post over a week ago and am just now finishing it and posting it) and there has been plenty of things happening but then not much of it really felt worth posting about. I seem to spend the majority of my time reading, sewing and with friends and my furbabies lately and sort of spend very minimal time on my computer. Especially since I can check my e-mail and facebook from my phone. Checking blogs or blogging are a bit more complicated. As in I haven't actually figured it out yet.

Work is work. It's going fine and I like my job. Some nights I work the nursery and some nights I work on the floor taking couplets (moms and babies). They asked me at work to be a superuser for the new computer charting system that we will start using later this year and I agreed. Something new and different to try. I like variety and this will help with that.

Outside of work though it seems like a rarely even turn the computer on anymore. I feel bad that I'm not keeping up with every one's blogs as much but I also feel a bit like I've grown away from the TTC or infertility part of my life. At least for now. I can't say for certain that I will never try again but it isn't something that consumes me constantly any more. The reason for that is a bit more unclear. Sometimes I think that I'm really ok with never being a parent and sometimes I think that I've sort of some how managed to fool myself into think I'm ok with it as a defense mechanism in case it never happens. As always though life goes on whether it takes the planned path or makes it's own path and I find that I'm liking it more or feeling more at peace with it than I ever have before.

My weight loss has sort of leveled off at 110 to 115 pounds. I'm sure there are those who would say I didn't do very good as I could have lost more weight but I'm ok with where I'm at. I feel good. I'm still working at becoming more active (although I still don't really have a four legged walking partner as the little goof still sort of freaks out half the time when I take her outside) , I think it may be a life long sort of struggle as my favorite past times don't usually include a gym or weight machines etc. I am self conscious about some of the excess skin/flab that I have on various parts of my body but don't know if I will ever manage to save enough money for much plastic surgery and realistically my insurance isn't likely to cover it. I like me. Or most of me. There are still parts that bug me and things about myself that I question but for the most part I feel better about myself than I have in a really long time.

Two weeks ago I had a date. The fact that I'm still processing and not all that excited about going out again tells me that the spark or whatever wasn't there. He seemed like a nice guy but it just didn't feel like a good fit or what I was looking for. Then of course came the oh so annoying guilt that maybe I'm not giving it enough of a chance or that I'm not open minded enough but I think a lot of what it comes down to, is that I like being on my own enough that I'm not willing to settle for the first person who pays attention to me. I've been there before and it wasn't very fun or nice and I don't have much desire to go there again.

So that's my life. A whole lot of not much news and a bunch of little everything thrown in to keep it interesting.

Stuff

Yes, I'm working on getting rid of more stuff. I have so dang much of it. It amazes me too how difficult it is to decide to part with all of it when I have moved it so many times and have barely used any of it. I'm getting rid of the last of my rubber stamping and scrap booking stuff. Last year I sold all my paper and stamp pads for the rubber stamping so logically the few stamp sets I have left even though they are my favorites it doesn't make much sense to keep them. Hello, I have nothing left to use them with. The scrap booking stuff is all very pretty and all but again, I purchased a lot of sets of paper and stickers and have barely if ever opened any of them. They were all things I was going to use someday. The down side is that I don't love scrap booking. I love the finished product of cool pages with pictures but the actual process? Not so much. It's sort of a long time consuming process that seems to take me an hour or so to come up with a page or two. Multiply that with the quantity of pictures I have and deciding which to scrap book and which to just put in a photo album (hello it's much easier to put all of them in a photo album) and it's overwhelming to even think of starting. Plus the packs I have may or may not match the photos I have and many of the photos I have are scenery type photos (except the ones I've taken of my furbabies) and while beautiful not really scrap book worthy. Again, it's just more stuff to move around and collect dust. When I sold all my stuff previously I had put it on craigslist and one woman in southern california had purchased pretty much all of it and paid the shipping to send it to her. I e-mailed her yesterday and she said she was interested in what I had left and so today I sent her pictures of all of it. The hard part for me is the whole someday idea. I had bought all of this to use "someday when I had kids or got married" etc. It feels like stuff that I've put my life on hold for. I'm making that daily effort to not live my life in a holding pattern waiting for what might happen and it's time to work on getting rid of the stuff that is sitting around for "someday." Should I ever decide later to start scrap booking again my goal or plan is to go in and buy just the couple of sheets of paper etc that I need to complete a specific project, not just a bunch of random stuff that I like and want to use someday.

I'm also working on sticking to that idea for the quilting. I'm really enjoying learning how to quilt and want to keep learning but I'm working on not buying fabric just for the sake of buying fabric because I like it. I want to just buy it when I have a specific project I'm going to make. For instance I was going to take a certain class on Friday (which was cancelled dang it for not enough people signing up) and I bought the fabric for that project. I'm hoping that I can figure that project out enough on my own though and then maybe go into the shop for specific things I need help with and get it completed without the class.

So, that's my first couple of days off. Trying to weed out some of the stuff that's taking up space in my life that I don't really have much use for. And ugg is it a lot of work.