Much Better

Ok, much better today. I thought about staying home this morning since I didn't get up until 9:30 but I just couldn't stand the thought of staying home all day again. So I showered and headed off to the coast. And what a fantastic day it was. I ended up in Pismo Beach and oh my gosh, I love it there. I could live there. That is if I could get past the I would be there all by myself part. It was such a cute little town and so close to the ocean. Plus cooler!!!! It was cloudy and overcast but it was also a glorius 64 degrees! I was in heaven. I spent 2 hours walking on the beach and for the first time since I was a little girl I found whole sand dollars. Lots of them. I even found a couple that were still alive and had this hairy like stuff on their bottom sides that moved. It was fascinating to watch before I put them back in the water. I found a couple of smaller clam shells also that didn't still have slimy stuff in them. The water wasn't too cold, I waded a bit and just basically had a great time. Then I drove around some, found an outlet mall (yes I can find places to shop no matter where I go) and then had an absolutely awesome dinner before driving home. Once I got home at 9:30 pm it was still 90 freaking degrees here. YUCK!!! But at least I got away from the heat for a while. I definitely need to go back there though. I loved it there. I wasn't too bad at the factory outlet stores. I did go into the Carter store even though I've been trying to stay away from baby stuff. I bought a couple of little sleepers but they are for a baby gift for my friends son and his girlfriend. I also got a couple of sweatshirts and some jammies from the Big Dog outlet store. I didn't notice however that the shirt on the jammies has rinestones on it which will be a problem with Luna. She thinks those are things that she must chew off. Oh and I also bought some fir lined crocs. I love it. Not that I will probably ever need them in California but they'll come in handy at home.
Thanks to everyone for all the cheering up. K, I would have called you but it was after 9 my time when I got home. And I'm not sure what Milk Maid has in mind. Hmm, meet in Colorado? That could be a song.

Stir Crazy

Ok, this is it. I'm going crazy. It's my second night off and I am so freaking sick of sitting around my house it's not even funny. I think I need to go somewhere tomorrow. I'm bored and all I do is sit home and eat. It's too hot to go outside and I have no motivation to go anywhere or do anything other than shopping which really isn't helping that much. I don't need any more stuff, I need to get my bills all the way paid off and save money for TTC. So if I'm not going to go shopping there isn't much of anything to do. And no one to talk to and I'm just going crazy. I get like this at home sometimes too but not as often as I have a lot more stuff in my house to entertain myself with. I've been sitting here reading or watching TV but my chair is killing my back and I don't think I can sit in it anymore. I'm whining I know. It sucks to go day in a day out with no one to talk to. And yes I know I have people I can call and talk to but I admit that I have a hard time doing that because I feel like I'm burdening others with my problems and moods and that if I do that no one will want to talk to me. That whole line of thought tells me that maybe the prozac isn't working as well as it should be. So in spite of the fact that I have a ton of errands I need to do such as take the cats to the vet to get an update on their heart medicine and find a dentist for myself here, get an oil change for the car, etc I think I'm going to hope in the car and go somewhere. Preferably somewhere cooler.

Sleep Wins

So I never made it to Wally's World (Wal-mart) today. As much as I wanted to go, sleep won. I didn't get to sleep until almost 10 and somehow getting up again at noon just wasn't happening. I made it through another 2 sucky nights at work. And boy did they suck. I was told to lie about stuff, give more medication than was ordered and had to deal with another poor confused lady who was just driving me nuts. Broken hip and I found her standing beside her bed. Wow. I sat/fell on a chair wrong and have a huge bruise on the back of my leg that still is very painful. On the whole TWW, I'm trying to ignore/not think about any of it. Not that it's really working but I'm trying. I'm not taking anything this cycle, including progesterone. So as far as temping goes, it may end up saying it can't pinpoint an ovulation date. I had the temp rise but then it dropped way back down again and still hasn't come back up. However I have a few things that may indicate that I may actually have some (a little?) progesterone in my body. Mostly just sensitive boobs which I don't usually have so that makes me wonder if my body is producing some?? Who knows and only time will tell. Now, I'm tired and getting a headache and am thinking maybe I'll go back to bed. Hope everyone else had a good weekend.

Just Another Day

So I posted my RNPC weigh in stuff on my other page which there is a link to on the side bar. It's just flat depressing. Not to much going on since yesterday. It's still hotter than shit here. Yuck. I definitely ovulated sometime in the last few days as my temp went up again today. Problem is that I'm not sure if it was before I used super spermies or after. I guess time will tell. Now I think I will go eat the rest of my pizza and get ready for work. Oh and on Sunday I think I will be one of those crazy people who go stand in line for hours to meet a celebrity. Billy Ray Cyrus is supposed to be at the Wal-mart here in Fresno and of all the famous people he is about the only one I can think of that I would really go out of my way to meet, except maybe Vin Diesel. I know I'm strange.

Still Here

Sorry I haven't posted much in the last few days. I worked a couple days and then yesterday I was so tired I couldn't motivate myself to do anything.
Not to much going on. Pretty much settled into the new apartment. I promise I will post pictures soon. I just can't unless I go get another internet connection as my stupid Veriz*n Wireless internet card still kicks me off everything I try to post a picture. Sucks. I've also been fighting with my internet to try to get a picture/icon thing to work for a link to my getting healthy page. That hasn't worked so far but should hopefully be working soon with a little help.
Super spermies arrived this morning via overnight shipping and they have been utilized so I am back in the TWW. Not sure what to think about whether this will be successful or not. From one stand point, they are sort of fresh. That is a plus. From another stand point I have no idea at all what my body is up to. My CM showed up on Sunday a day earlier than it has ever shown up before. On Tuesday night I was having a ton of cramping that seriously felt like AF was here but no. Also CM still hadn't progressed to eggwhite. I was a little worried though that I was going to miss everything. Then yesterday nothing. CM was dry, cramps gone nothing happening. Then today CM was back. My temp went up today but I don't know how much since I didn't get a temp yesterday. I only slept 3 hours all day and I forgot to get it when I got up so I have no idea if I was too late or not. I will have to wait and see what the next few days temps show. Talking to J about the whole process seemed a bit awkward but on the flip side I can tell he is a bit excited about the idea. I am feeling more optimistic than I was the other day. And I still have a doctors appointment coming up. I haven't started stressing about that yet but I'm sure I will.
On another note, I am sick to death of summer. I am done with summer. If I were at home it would be better as it's been nice and cool there. Not so here. If I were to wake up to a foot of snow tomorrow, I'd be ok with that. Not going to ever happen but I can dream. I just want it to be cooler really. I'm tired of not even wanting to step out my door as it's so hot.
Oh, the only real problem I've noted so far with my apartment is the creepy crawly critters. There are ants in my kitchen. I've found quite a few spiders too but the ants are annoying me more than the spiders so far. The other morning I sat down to my bowl of cereal and found some extra protein doing the backstroke in my bowl of cereal. Sort of ruined my meal. They were going to spray yesterday until I realized that I would have to be out of my apartment for like 4 hours with my cats. I had no where I could go short of renting a motel as it was much to warm out to just be outside and I couldn't leave the cats in the car that long. Plus I desperately needed to go to sleep. I'm hoping to get the place sprayed next week although with the TTC stuff that is also worrisome. Not sure the situation will be improved much though. The big thing is what to do with the girlies. I could go to the mall or a movie but don't know where to take the girls.

All Moved

Well all the moving stuff has been accomplished with the exception of cleaning the other apartment up. I don't feel like doing that this weekend so maybe Wednesday or Thursday. I didn't go to the beach today. I still had too much to do to get settled into the new place and I knew I wouldn't like it if I didn't have that done before I go back to work tomorrow. So I finished up getting settled in and all is unpacked. A much easier task when there isn't as much stuff to unpack.
So far the apartment is pretty good. The girlies aren't nearly as impressed with the ducks as I am but they are definitely impressed with the next door neighbors cats. I'm less than impressed with the next door neighbor cat who hangs out on my balcony and has sprayed all over the window. Oh and the balcony. I let the girlies go out on the balcony last night to take a look around. Turns out that's not a great plan. It took Luna about 3 minutes to figure out that all she had to do was make a quick hop from the balcony to the roof of the overhang that is on the side of my balcony and from the roof she could see all over. Plus she could then walk over to the other side of the roof and get down to the ground. Yeah and it took me another 20 minutes to catch her. So unless I screen in the balcony so they can't get to the roof, they won't be going outside still. My view from the balcony isn't too bad so it will be nice to go sit out there if it ever cools down enough.
So far the noise from the garages has not even been noticable and while I hear the noise from the trains, frequently, they didn't wake me up at all last night. They go by very often and have the roar of the passing train but don't usually blow their whistle. Oh and B, I figured out how to get in the gate. It's my garage door/gate opener.
J. will be sending super spermies this week thanks to the sperm shipper so I will be giving it a try with that. Strangely, I don't really have a lot of faith that it will work but yet I still want to try. I know that's not thinking positive and all but I'm feeling discouraged with the whole process for now. I'm sure once I'm in the two week hell again that I will go back and forth between discouraged and excited so fast it could make your head spin. Even if it doesn't work though at least I'm doing something.
Not much else going on here. I started a new page for my getting healthy stuff and would like to create a link to it on the sidebar with a picture but am having a hard time figuring out how to do it. Maybe Mel can help as she has lots of links with pictures. Hint hint.
To those of you in Texas I hope you are doing ok with the weather down there and to Annette, good luck in school tomorrow.

Moving

Well I went and signed my lease etc today and am getting moved a bit. I had planned on moving most of the day so I would be mostly done but by 10 this morning I was done for. It really makes a difference whether I work 2 or 3 nights in a row as to how tired I get. So I came home after signing the lease etc and took a nap. I got up at 4, loaded the car up and took a load over to the apartment complex but it's now almost 7 and I don't know what time the gate closes (it's a gated community) and I forgot to ask how to get in. So I think I'm done for tonight. Oh well, I'm still pretty wiped out. Kitties are a little frantic about all their stuff disappearing again. The apartment is nice although the view isn't quite what I had hoped for and it will take me a few days probably to learn to sleep through the noises. My bedroom is directly over a garage and the building I'm in is very close to the train tracks. yippee. I have had similar arrangements before though and I did learn to sleep through all of it fairly quickly. Also the view of the pond is from my dining room window, not the balcony. But the kitties can look out the window and I really do like the apartment better. I have a garage to park in and there are a lot more windows which makes for a lighter brighter place which I really like. I am big on everything being bright. I love lots of natural light and in the winter I tend to have almost every light in my house on. I hate sitting around in partial darkness.
Work was better sort of last night. At least no one ended up on the floor last night. The night before I had a patient who was confused, in with a broken hip and had been calling out a lot until I had given her something to help her sleep. We had been checking on her about every 30 to 45 minutes and she was fine at one check and when we went back in at 4am, she was on the floor. We have no idea how she got there, how long she had been there etc. Getting her back into bed and resettled took over an hour and then I had all the paper work involved with a patient falling, notifying the doctor, family etc. It was a bit of a nightmare. At least she didn't break anything else other than the hip that was already broken. Last night I had one patient who was very needy and anxious but otherwise it was a good night.
I looked at my schedule again for next week and I don't have 3 days in a row off so I won't be going home for some fresh spermies. I think I will go ahead and buy one of those sperm shipper kits and give it a try to see how it works. It shouldn't be too expensive for all of that. So tomorrow I finish moving and maybe Sunday I"ll go to the beach. Kind of sounds like fun.

I'm In, I think

Ok, so count me in on the Rollie Pollie Ninja Chubs (RPNC). That said, I hope it works like it did for Jen (I think I remember you saying you were joining weight watchers and a couple weeks later found out you were pregnant?) I can't really be dieting much if I'm TTC but I figure that making a goal to eat better should be ok and if the side effect of that is losing a bit of weight that's ok too.
So I will tell you that I'm 5'5"
Sorry girls but I'm just really not into posting my weight on the blog for anyone to read. Partially I'm embarrassed by the actual number although while I don't deny I'm overweight and need to lose some I still don't really think that I look like I weigh as much as the scale says I do.
My goals:
1. Eat more healthy meals and snacks. Do less fast food and more fruits and veggies. Less Dr. Pepper and more water. Try to make sure that I am always taking something to work for lunch, not buying lunch at work.
2. Get more exercise. Either walking on a treadmill (to damn hot here to actually go outside) or swimming or see if I can find a way to eventually and gradually beat that stupid elliptical machine. I'm still sore and I figure if that's the case I would be getting a hell of a workout.
3. If I don't actually get pregnant with my try with the known donor I would like to have lost at least 10 pounds and preferably 20 (yes I know, not very realistic) by the time I go see the fertility doctor next month. I'm still afraid he's going to refuse to help me based on the actual number of my weight.
So, there it is. Now off to shower so I can go to work again and lets pray for a better night. Last night sucked.

No New Job

Well, I just got a phone call from the fertility doctors office in Spokane and they have hired someone else for the position. I am torn between feeling disappointed and relieved. I really wanted that job, just not right now. It's basically what I want to do, the job I've been hoping I would eventually find and it's in my home town which is fantastic. I'm just afraid if I go home now I will have to put my TTC efforts on hold as I won't be able to afford them as much. I have an appointment with an RE here in Fresno coming up and I want to keep that appointment and have time to actually follow through on some of the treatment. If I were to go home in October I probably wouldn't be able to do that and there would be no point in keeping this appointment and I may as well wait. I don't want to wait. So in that sense it's a relief. I still have time with extra money coming in to do what I need to try to get pregnant.
On another note, yesterday I went to the fitness room to use the treadmill to work out, I'm trying to make myself exercise. Of course the treadmill doesn't work. It's broke, unfix able and they are waiting on approval to buy new equipment. Again, my impression is this complex is charging and arm and a leg to try to pass themselves off as upper class and failing miserably. Anyways I decided to give the elliptical a try although usually the motion really hurts my knee. So I made it for like 5 minutes before I felt totally worn out. Then last night my legs were hurting so bad I can hardly get up. I couldn't figure it out at first and then remembered my 5 minutes on the elliptical. Wow, that's a heck of a workout if 5 minutes can cause that much pain. Maybe I'll have to try it again.

Dr's Appointment

So I called the Fertility doctor's office today and made an appointment. And they can't get me in until September 18th which means that's almost 2 cycles away. Shit. The appointment will be about 2-3 days before I ovulate in the month of September. It also sounds like the doctor wants to do an HSG which isn't my favorite idea because of cost etc however the flip side is that I haven't gotten pregnant so far so I suppose an HSG isn't a bad idea. I also need to call my doctors office and get my labs I've had done so far faxed to the new doctors office. And I may end up staying in Fresno longer if I don't get the job at home since my contract is up in October. Oh well, I think I'm pretty much ok with that part. I just hate waiting that long to even get in and see the doctor. And I suppose it's my fault for having waited this long to make an appointment. I was trying to think positive that I wouldn't need it although that didn't seem to help much.
So I may be going home next week to do another home AI with the known donor. I am still wanting to wait on finding out this week about the job at home. I was looking at NW site online and did notice that they have a sperm shipping kit. It's for shipping fresh sperm. The kit is 89.00 and then I don't know for sure what it would cost to ship it to me here but that's a thought too.

Decisions Decisions

So I was looking online at airfair. A bit more expensive than I thought it would be. I do have 3 nights off work around the time that is close to ovulation but it looks like I would have to pay close to $400. for the trip home (for a 3 day trip) in order to use the known donor. Right now it is sort of dependent on the possible but not likely job at home in the infertility office. If I was a bit more certain that maybe I would get that job I would likely skip August and work extra shifts, as many as possible between now and when my contract here is up in October so that I can finish paying everything off and maybe have some savings so that I can go home and continue trying to get pregnant if it doesn't work with the IF doctor here. But if I'm definitely not getting the job at home and therefore would have more time to do the travel nursing thing than I could afford to spend the money and go home and give it a shot with some super spermies that are fresh and ready. And hope and pray that if it worked, the child wouldn't end up being allergic to cats. And yes, had someone asked me 6 months ago, I think I would have said that I wouldn't have considered using a known donor but there does seem to be definite advantages to it. Sort of a long explanation which may make people wonder about me and my plan to be a SMBC but I also am fairly comfortable with it.
Other than all that running through my head not much is going on. I still feel crappy. I had cramps so bad yesterday that it sucked. I've been nauseous for the last 2 days and this morning had the worst headache that wouldn't go away regardless of what I took. I think it must be the progesterone leaving my body all the way or something. I hope it quits soon. It sucks to feel this miserable and know it's all for nothing.

Following K

"ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship."
- ENFJ Profile (TypeLogic)"altruistic, easily hurt, religious(not even), neat, content, positive, affectionate, image conscious..."
- ENFJ Jung Type Descriptions (similarminds.com)"Success for an ENFJ comes through involvement in the process of making things happen for people; through the accomplishments and satisfactions of those they have helped to enrich the human world with greater value, and through finding that their efforts on behalf of others have fulfilled their own life as well."
- ENFJ Personal Growth (The Personality Page)"Teachers expect the very best of those around them, and this expectation, usually expressed as enthusiastic encouragement, motivates action in others and the desire to live up to their expectations."
- The Portrait of the Teacher Idealist (Keirsey)
"ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this."
- Portrait of an ENFJ (The Personality Page)"ENFJs focused on the organization's ideals and operate within those ideals. They focus on how organizations should treat people and communicate these values to others. They enjoy leading and facilitating teams, and like to bring matters to mutually beneficial conclusions. ENFJs prefer a work setting that contains individuals focused on changing things for the betterment of others."
So, this is interesting. It did say a good career choice is nurse. However in all the taking care of others stuff never does it mention that I take care of myself. Hmm.
On another note, AF finally showed late last night. So now on to the next cycle.

How Long

So, how long after you ladies stopped taking the progesterone in whatever form did AF finally arrive and the effects of the progesterone finally disappear?? I took my dose yesterday morning, got another negative HPT (16 dpo) and decided to quit taking the prometrium. My cramps that I had been having Monday and Tuesday are now gone and I feel crappy today. My stomach is just unsettled and queasy. And of course no sign what so ever of AF.
Still working on getting an appointment set up for the fertility doctor. I called yesterday and turns out that isn't the number I needed to call which I found out when I woke from my nap at 9pm last night and then today I forgot to call. So Monday I will call and see about getting an appointment set up. I hate to sit August out, yes I think I am now well and truly addicted to TTC and I am tired of doing a try and then waiting and trying and then waiting. So who knows, maybe I will give the known donor try in August while I'm waiting to get everything figured out with the doctor. It wouldn't cost me much, just a plane ticket home basically. Less than I have been spending on frozen spermies so far.
I went and signed papers and turned in a deposit on the apartment with ducks today. So I will be moving next week. I'm hoping it's not as hot that day. Yes I realize this may be an unrealistic hope for Fresno in August. I can dream though. I still haven't heard anything from this apartment complex about the complaint I filed with the BBB. Not really expecting to but hey, at least I said my piece.
That's about all in my world for today. Good thing I suppose since I just don't feel like I can deal with much right now. All I want is to just curl back up and go to sleep. I suppose if I wasn't trying to get knocked up and needing to eventually get rid of the prozac I should be looking into increasing it. Hmm.

Still Here

I'm still here. Not crazy yet, I don't think. Had myself a little retail therapy yesterday and a bit of a makeover. I went and got my hair colored (no more fake blond) and cut. It looked great yesterday but of course I can't ever seem to recreate the look the hair stylist manages so not quite as nice today. They always make my hair nice and straight and sleek and I just can't seem to ever get it to do that. No matter how much I try with the blow dryer etc. I do like the color though. It's kind of a reddish brown. Not sure how long it will last. I did go out and wander to see if I could find someone to take my picture so I will see if I can get that posted later. I called the fertility clinic earlier today and left a message, now just waiting for a call back. I slept really good last night which was great. Other than that, I'm feeling blue. I'm ok, just down. Afraid this is never going to happen and again part of the impossible dream. I find myself bargaining but I'm not even sure who with. I had told myself that ok, if God or fate or whatever had decided that I wasn't going to meet the right person to share my life with I could deal with it. Not love it but deal with it. I could still accomplish the rest of my dreams on my own. I could have a baby on my own. But if I can't have a baby, nope I just can't deal with that. And yes I could adopt. It wouldn't be the end of the world and I would still have kids. But as much as I'm sort of ok with that, it's not really all of what I want. I want to be pregnant. I want to know what it feels like to have my baby move inside of me, how it feels to breast feed my baby, to give birth to my baby. I don't know if I feel like I'm being punished for something I did or didn't do, or if fate just sucks. And yes I know I haven't tried that much, not nearly as much as many of you ladies out there but I really thought this would be easy, just a matter of timing and finding access to some sperm. Ha. So much for that thought.
Still not totally clear on the whole moving thing. I do have an appointment tomorrow to go back to the place with the ducks and turn in my application and all. The apartment is supposed to be ready on the 18th. As much as I really don't like this apartment I really am not looking forward to moving either. Plus it's frustrating not knowing what my plans are. Am I going to stay in Fresno for another assignment after this one or am I going to move on. I'd like to move on but having easy access to a fertility doc is a big deal at this point. I'd like to go home but if I do I'm afraid I might never get pregnant. I don't know if I would ever be able to afford it. So basically I just feel a bit adrift and not sure what the future holds and no concrete plans in the works which all just makes me a little bit nutty.

BFN

Well, that pretty much says it all. Not sure where to go from here. I really want to get in to see fertility doctor here is Fresno. Do I stop taking the prometrium now?? I also still have the known donor waiting. I'm totally good with that idea except for one thing that has caused me to rule out automatically others. He is allergic to cats. If I had a child that was allergic to cats I would get rid of my cats, but I would be devastated. Not sure what's next.

Phone Call

I e-mailed my resume for the job off last night. They already called wanting to set up an interview. At which point I had to explain that I was in Fresno until October. I explained that I realize that because of that I may not be the person they were looking for although I really wanted the job. Also that I couldn't be in Spokane this week for an interview but that I could possibly at some time in the future. She said that the October part didn't necessarily rule me out completely as they wanted to find the right person for the job and that she would contact me next week to let me know where things stood. I want the job. Really bad. And yes supermom I know that there are several fertility clinics on the other side of the mountains but I love Spokane. Plus I can afford to live in Spokane and usually don't have much more than a 10 mile commute. I know, I'm spoiled.
I still haven't tested. This is the longest I have ever waited. I feel like I'm having more cramping so I'm scared to test. I almost did last night. I was reading a book called "Your Pregnancy After 35" and all of the sudden I had a crazy urge to test so I stopped reading the book. Then this morning I got up and was thinking, hmm. I could just test now. I didn't though. I am 13 dpo today and trying really hard to be patient.

Still Being Good

I still haven't peed on any sticks. The urge is getting stronger though. I'm going to try to wait until Tuesday or Wednesday. Fertility Friend says I shouldn't test before Wed. As of today I am 12 dpo. I had thought about testing on Tuesday but don't know if I will. I have to work Tuesday night and if it's negative I don't really want to go to work in a bad mood. But then if AF shows up while I'm at work I may end up feeling blindsided by her. So I don't know. I know today I have been peeing so much it's not even funny. And I've felt like I've been a little nauseous. That could totally be the progesterone though or just my mind playing tricks on me. I did buy another pregnancy test though. So now I have 5. I know, it's stupid. I only need one.
So, on a different topic.... I started doing this whole travel nursing thing because I didn't really know what kind of nursing I wanted to do long term. Strangely I don't think I necessarily want to work in a hospital long term even though the money is better. At some point in the last few months I had several conversations with several different people about all that was involved with artificial insemination etc and it was pointed out to me that I really knew a lot about women's health stuff. One person even pointed out that it would be nice if I could use that somehow. Now granted I know that I don't know nearly as much as many of you others out there in the IF blog world but compared to some of the nurses I work with, it's amazing how many people don't have much knowledge in this whole area. All of this led me to think that it would be really nice if I could find a job that had me doing something with infertility stuff or women's health. The down side is that I figure with only one fertility doc in the Spokane area, I would likely have to relocate and I'm just not sure if I want to permanently do that. Then this morning I'm looking through the Spokane online classifieds and guess what I saw? A job posting for a coordinator for a fertility doctor in Spokane. I am thinking I will apply even though I had planned to do at least one more contract with traveling. Of course it's very likely I won't get the job. I can't leave Fresno until almost the end of October. And I doubt they would wait that long. But I will still apply. If it's meant to be, it will be. Yeah right like I'm good at that kind of patience.

Just Another Day

So far all the pregnancy tests in my house are unused. I've been good. Of course I've been working and therefore to tired to think much about anything like peeing on sticks. And as much as I swore I wouldn't obsess over symptoms, I have some anyways. I really am not sure what to think here. I'm hungry frequently but know that can likely be totally psychosomatic. My boobs don't hurt much, definitely not like they did for the first 6 days or so after ovulation the month I took Clomid. My temps have been all over the place. They have went down a bit the last 2 days however I don't know if I trust the previous few days temps. See my acupuncturist said that it didn't really matter what time of the day I took my temp as long as I had gotten at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Well, I have determined that I almost NEVER get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I wake up a lot. Either to go to the bathroom or just because. I always have which is why when I'm not trying to get pregnant I have a medication I take that helps me sleep better but it's not pregnancy friendly so I'm not taking it, therefore not sleeping great. I do sleep, sometimes for 9-10 hours but I wake up fairly frequently in that time. So the last 2 days when my temps have dropped are the first 2 days in a while where I have actually slept 4+ hours at a time. Yes I do realize though that I could be deluding myself into hope. The only other thing going on is a bit embarrassing to admit and I don't even think that it is a sign of pregnancy.
Not much else is going on in my life. I'm just waiting until I can actually move. I did file a complaint with the BBB about this apartment complex and the fact that I feel like I was misled. I don't know if anything will come of it but I at least had my say in the matter. Work is work and seems to be going fine. I'm not really stressed anymore about the needle stick since the source patient tested negative for everything. I will get myself tested again at 6 months but other than that I'm not worried much. I still really find myself wanting to go back to the ER and tell that PA he's an idiot when it comes to fertility stuff. Yes I know this wouldn't really serve much of a purpose. It's so hot here I don't even want to go outside which is making me depressed. That and I'm a bit homesick still. I went to the farmers market this morning and got a bunch of fresh produce. It all looked so yummy. Especially the strawberries and raspberries. I love fresh fruit and veggies.
Now, I think I will go be lazy some more. I slept like 5 hours today but want to go back to sleep. Then I'll probably wake at 2 in the morning and be done sleeping. That's the part I hate about night shift is the transitioning back and forth.

School

Remember sentences in grade school?? My big one in the 2nd and 3rd grade was "I will not talk in class" and I was so good at it I could pop a hundred of those out in nothing flat. So here's today's version.
I will not pee on sticks, at least not before Tuesday.
Now repeat 99 times.

8 Random Things

So here's to B tagging me for 8 random things.

1. I hate onions. I hate the taste, texture, idea of onions and will not ever eat them, not even to be polite.

2. I was a virgin until I was 28, almost 29. That will make more sense with the next random thing.

3. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. I'm not anymore but it really screwed my head up for a long time.

4. I've always been afraid I would end up being the crazy cat lady but having 5 cats at one time pretty much cured that fear. Litter box duty sucks especially when one of your cats insists the litter box be pristine clean or she starts looking for alternate locations.

5. I've been friends with my best friend since we were 12 years old. We've lost contact several times but always find each other again and pick up where we left off.

6. I've moved like 28 times since I graduated high school in 1988. That does include my last couple current moves even though I still have my house at home.

7. I collect things. I've collected spoons since I was like 11, I have rubber stamps, books, lately baby stuff, moose stuff, beanie baby's (I did get rid of many of these), Christmas ornaments, fridge magnets, stuff that matches my dishes in my kitchen, Disney movies the list goes on and on. This makes the previous thing a bit more difficult, I have a lot to move.

8. I am a shopaholic. I come from a long line of shopaholics and shopping is pretty much my favorite thing to do. Even window shopping when I don't buy anything is better than sitting home.

Ok, so I don't know who I tag, maybe supermom, kittenroar, and becca. Sorry everyone.
Oh and Deena, I miss you. I hope you are ok.

All Is Well, Mostly

Well, I am doing pretty well now. Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful words of support and offers of listening ears. I found myself all teary several times yesterday at everyone's kindness. I will program all those phone numbers into my phone so if I should ever again have need of a kind voice, I will call. I got a call from Employee health this morning. The source patient tested negative for everything. No HIV, Hep B or C. I'm good. And I feel so much better. Hope has shown back up and is resting mostly quietly and trying to hide from obsession. I'm trying not to think about the possibility that I might be pregnant. I'm trying not to think about how I would tell everyone and how I would feel at that moment I found out. I'm basically trying not to think about it at all. Even though I'm still temping. Which my temps are good but I'm pretty sure that's because of good old prometrium. It's funny though. I am taking the prometrium but I still don't notice much of the signs others have mentioned such as sore boobs etc. I'm not really feeling much of anything. And I'm trying not to think about that either. I went and looked at apartments yesterday. I found 2 I liked. One I liked and it had a washer/dryer but seemed a little overly expensive. The other was cheaper, cheaper than what I'm paying now and includes cable TV and a garage but doesn't have a washer/dryer. It does have laundry rooms that are really close by though and ponds every where with ducks. See I'm thinking of the enjoyment of my girlies. Of course it would have to be more supervised after Sara's effort to fly like a bird. They are both in better areas of town too. But then I wonder, if I am going to consider an apartment without a washer and dryer so I can save money, should I look for something even less expensive so that I really save money. I do have several days to think about it still.
Now, I'm thinking maybe I'll take a nap. That sounds good.