April Fools Day

So, tomorrow is April Fools Day. So hard to believe it's already April. I used to just love April Fools day and always wanted to come up with the perfect gag. One year in high school I talked my identical twin best friends into switching classes for the day. Yeah, didn't work so well since everyone knew the difference between them. Other than that I've never been able to come up with much.

A couple of weeks ago we had signs posted at work that surgical services was going to have a cake contest. I had the perfect idea to use a recipe I had gotten e-mailed to me a couple of years ago. It was fabulous. Then I scheduled my surgery for 5 days before the cake contest and I'm pretty darn sure I'm not going to be making a cake 5 days after having gastric bypass surgery. So when we decided to do an April Fool's day potluck at work I decided that this would still be a great chance to make my cake and it's a good gag thing too. Sooooooo, Here it is.......

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A Kitty Litter Cake!!

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So what do you think???

No One Said Life Was Fair

I know. No one was ever promised a fair life or even a good life. Shit happens and all that.

I have a friend that I used to work with that while we haven't kept in great contact we do e-mail once in a while and comment on each other's face*book stuff. She had been on vacation for several weeks and last week had posted pics of her trip with her husband. The pics outed her as being pregnant, around 5 months. I was really happy and excited for her. I know they had a hard time as we had discussed it some about a year or so ago but I don't know how far they had to go. I hadn't gotten around to asking, I just commented my congrats and asked if it was triplets (I had a dream about her several years ago that she had given birth to triplets and it was sort of a running joke). Yesterday I saw she had posted a pic on FB that was 2 hands linked and with a comment that I didn't quite get but sort of figured that it was referring to them soon having a baby. Then today I saw another friend comment to her that she was so sorry about her loss. In going over to her F*B page I couldn't figure out what the details were but I did figure out that she lost her husband. Apparently there was an accident over the weekend. My heart is truly just breaking for her. I'm sitting here on the verge of tears and I can't imagine what she is living through right now. To be so close to one dream and then have tragedy hit. I know life isn't fair but this is just beyond that. This whole thing of life changing in the blink of an eye and nothing ever being the same again. She's pregnant and now her husbands gone. It just leaves me speechless.

Another Weekend Over

Oh how I hate only having 2 days a week off. Yes, I'm whining. In my defense however up until last September I've usually had 3-4 days a week off for at least the last 7 years or so. So I miss my extra days off. I got my laundry done today and some sewing done. I've got a few more sewing projects that I'm trying to get finished up and maybe get my table cleaned off. Maybe. I've eaten way to much junk today and not gotten nearly as much as I wanted accomplished. My apartment seriously needs to be cleaned. I'm starting to think that maybe I should just hire some one. At least for the bathroom which is my least favorite part, especially the shower with the damn shower doors. The rest I sort of seem to manage. Can't afford it but it still would be really nice.

Tenant finally called yesterday. I guess he finally got my message about putting a lock box on the door. I think the thought I was going to lock him out. I told him that I was putting the house up for sale. He then gave me his sad story about not having enough work and getting turned down for un-employment. It made me feel bad which also pisses me off. I shouldn't feel bad because I can't fix someones life. I explained to him that I can't afford my portion of the house payment that's not covered by the rent he pays and I certainly can't afford his portion. I can't fix things for him and I know that getting rid of the house is what I have to do for myself. He needs to take responsibility for himself. Yes things are tough right now. For a lot of people, myself included.

I've also planned my pot luck dish for later this week. There is a cake contest at work later this month that I had planned to enter but then scheduled my surgery for 5 days before the contest. I'm guessing I'm really not going to want to be baking a cake 5 days after surgery. So we're having a pot luck and it's an April Fool's potluck and I figured the cake would work for that as well. It's sort of a gag recipe someone sent me an e-mail of several years ago and I had always wanted to make it but never really thought about it. So, now I'm going to make it and it's truly sort of gross in a good way. I'll post pictures of it later this week when I have it all made. Now, I suppose I should consider going to bed so I can get up tomorrow.

I Have A DATE!

I do. I have a surgery date!! Surgery is now scheduled to happen on April 21st. That was like 4 weeks from yesterday (Wednesday)!! I wasn't sure if I would be able to schedule it that soon but in talking to my boss about when would be a good time I was told to schedule it when it was good for me so I did. I turned in my request off today and have the 2 weeks after surgery requested off. One of the charge nurses (who didn't know what surgery I was having, just that I was having surgery) came over to ask if I had help available after surgery and what could others do to help. Makes me feel better to know that I will have help available if I need it. So now just getting myself ready. I've found some protein drinks that not only work but actually taste pretty good. I've found chewable vitamins and calcium citrate. Turns out most chewable calcium is calcium carbonate and for the bypass the citrate is better. I however found a web site called bariatric advantage that has a lot of products specifically for bariatric surgery patients and they had all kinds of vitamins and supplements. I got several different calciums from them and may end up getting vitamins and such too. At any rate the countdown is now officially on.

Oh and today apparently my darling Luna went for another adventure. I had forgotten to close the window this morning before I left and around 2:30pm I got a call from my apartment complex that the manager found her outside and put her back in and closed the window. Down side is that she saw Sara's potty pads but at least Luna is safe. I really need to not forget that she pushes that screen out since now that she knows that is the way out she thinks it's fun. Goofy cat.

Maybe?

Work has been beyond quiet this week which is a huge change from the previous several weeks where we couldn't hardly keep up. It's been sort of nice although a bit boring too and maybe even alarming. If it stayed like that I doubt we would all continue to have jobs. I'm guessing it's because of spring break coming up and maybe the docs are taking some time off for vacations. At any rate it's been nice to have some slow time. One of the things though right now that is worrisome that we've been informed that our department is being watched very closely for productivity and all the other bits and pieces that have come about since the economy took a nose dive. Things like I think there is maybe one person lately in our group who got a good yearly review. People are upset and are being marked down for things we didn't know we were supposed to be doing etc. It feels a bit like they are trying to keep expenses down by giving out minimal raises this year. Not exactly a pleasant feeling. I like my job but don't love feeling like it may not be there next week. I don't think I'm in imminent danger but I could see where they would possibly decide to do away with the position if the economy didn't improve. I know at this point there is no point in worrying about it so I try to mostly ignore it and mostly I do ok with that. I've thought though a bit about what would be next. I like what I'm doing but I know that it's not a skill I could take with me to another hospital. Even if other facilities have similar positions they likely hire from within etc. I don't want to go back to doing med/surg though. Not really. I would if I had to but it isn't what I want to do. I catch myself thinking then about the possibility of going back to NICU. I know that in the past I've said I wanted to try again some day and I still feel like that. I don't know when but I really do want to try again at some point. Maybe.

Also maybe today? I may have a surgery date. As soon as I have a for sure about that you know I will post.

Nice Weekend

But way too short. Saturday I worked on some sewing while watching TV. Harry Potter was on ABC Family again and so I watched that. I have to admit that I never really tire of watching Harry Potter. I got one blanket finished and another 5 half finished. I'll have to post some pictures eventually. Then yesterday I spent the day reading and then watched more Harry Potter. I could have done some more sewing yesterday but I was enjoying my book so much I didn't want to stop. I also got a hold of a realtor and am working on getting my house listed for short sale. I tried contacting the tenant to discuss things with him and to basically say that I'd much rather he just moved out and of course he isn't calling me back now. Figures. It worries me a bit that he might do something to trash my house. Other than that not a lot happening. It was such a nice sunny weekend and I had the doors and windows open which was nice, got the house aired out a bit. Now it's Monday again and I'm off to work again.

Maybe I'm Just A Bitch

And if so? Oh well. Life goes on. So after the call from tenant last night that he wants to stay I gave the city utilities a call this morning. He still hasn't paid the bill and according to the city they will be turning the water off any day now. So obviously no matter how much he LIKES the house and wants to stay, he can't afford it. Then around noon came the kicker. I received a call from a furniture leasing company asking me to verify that I was his land lord. Umm really? So after beating around the bush a bit and me flat out asking if he was buying furniture the lady came right out and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them. I had a lot to tell them. I'm guessing that whatever furniture he was trying to buy he isn't going to. So needless to say I was really not happy or impressed with that.

Then this afternoon at work I spent like 20 minutes arguing with a coworker about whether the government should be able to force cell phone companies to quit making phones with texting capabilities. You know since his kid drove his car into a building while he was driving and texting. I kept saying let's just agree to disagree. Needless to say I was very much feeling the need for dinner out and some adult beverages. Which I must say were both very yummy. And who knows, maybe I'll even sleep tonight.

Better Day

Today was better. Sort of. I called the mortgage company this morning. Because my house isn't owner occupied I basically don't have much in the line of options. Their suggestion was well if the property is empty you can move back in and it would be owner occupied. Umm, yeah but I don't have a job in Washington and that's a hell of a commute. My options seem to be foreclosure or short sale. Then this even I get a call from the tenant (gee I thought on face*book last night you said you didn't have my phone number) and he says he's only working 4 hours a day but that he loves the house and doesn't want to move and can I please work with him. For the record I do know he loves the house and he's done a pretty good job of taking care of it but fact of the matter is that I can't afford to help him out. I'd rather not foreclose on it but I truly can't afford to pay more of the rent or anything else.

This evening when I got home I got out of the car and I could hear a cat crying very loudly. There was a young guy trying to coax the cat to him. I asked him if it was a funny looking cat and he said no, then he said it was white with brown spots. So I went over to look and couldn't see the cat as it was under a car. I tried calling it and nothing but I did see a foot that looked like my cat Luna's so I called "LuLu" which is often what I call her and sure enough, here she came. She had apparently pushed the bedroom screen out enough to get out the window. She had a couple of very small spots of blood on her back but I can't seem to find any wounds and she seems pretty much ok now as she crawls all over me and purrs like a motor boat. She was sure happy to see me though. Freaked me out good too. I guess I won't be leaving my window open when I'm not home anymore.

I did have one good moment in my day yesterday that I forgot to mention. I had a patient that I talked to who was having a miscarriage. I usually will acknowledge that the woman is experiencing a loss and did so yesterday as well. She thanked me and then went on to talk about comments she had received from people that while likely said with good intentions were still painful to hear. Including a completely ridiculous comment from the doctor that the embryo had been growing incorrectly from the beginning and therefore she wasn't really loosing a baby as it had never really been a baby. I took the time though to talk to her and even though she was still grieving I think it helped her feel better when she left. At least she felt validated and like someone recognized that she was experiencing a loss. One of my favorite things about being a nurse is when I can make someone feel like there is someone who cares what they are experiencing. They aren't just a diagnosis or another face. While I can't always convey that message to everyone it makes me feel better when I know I made a difference to someone.

Tomorrow is Friday. Thank goodness. What a relief. Then a weekend of sewing and hopefully some great weather.

What A Day

Why is it that some days feel like nothing can go right. Why is it that some weeks seem to go so slowly. Today feels like it should at least be Thursday but nooooooo. It's only freaking Wednesday. So this morning began way to early for me. I couldn't fall asleep last night and then I had to get up early this morning. I've been getting letters from Su&ba&ru for a while about some recalled part that can affect the catalytic converter and I've been trying to get it in. They kept telling me I don't need an appointment, just come in. So I stopped yesterday afternoon when I got off work early. Oh sorry, we can't fit you in but if you're hear at 7am tomorrow we can get that done and still get you to work on time. So this morning I was up before the crack of dawn at 5:30 to be at the dealership but 7. Oh but guess what. They forgot to mention that my gas tank had to be close to empty or my car would probably smell like gas inside. And of course I had 3/4 of a tank. Needless to say after 4 hours of sleep and my car still hasn't been worked on I wasn't very happy.

Work was busy as it has been for a while now and busy is actually good, fine and all that except my right hand which is hugely necessary has been aching so bad. Of course with it being St. Patty's day someone brought corn beef and cabbage which was nice. I had this fabulous light up giant clover necklace thing that was all kinds of fun. For lunch it was so nice outside that I thought I would go sit out on the patio for lunch. It was gorgeous and I was sitting there reading my book and felt something (LARGE) hit the back of my head. Which of course had me flying out of my seat, jumping around like an idiot and swearing. Much shaking of my head and hair and feeling around didn't have any results so after a few minutes I figured that whatever it was must have went about it's business. Then like half an hour later after I've been walking around etc I was walking down the hall and one of the nurses that was walking towards me says "hey, you dropped something." I turned around and on the floor was the biggest grasshopper I've ever freaking seen. It was like 4 inches long. Needless to say a lot more squaking and jumping around followed the revelation that the mutant grasshopper had been riding around on train Mic*hell for a good half an hour. Ewwwww. Nasty.

Then on the way home I was contemplating (read stressing out over) my financial situation once again. I'm behind on my house payment in Washington. Trying to figure out a way out and not coming up with any thing quickly. All of the sudden I had this thought of "what if the tenant moves out?" So I get home and power up the old puter and guess what. There is a face*book message from said tenant saying he can't afford to live there and will be moving out by April 10th. Fan-fucking-tastic. Really? Via the face place? And I'd be willing to bet that I won't be receiving any more rent from him nor will he be paying the city bill that is several months behind and that will transfer to me if he doesn't pay it. Wonderful. Maybe I should go to bed now before anything else happens.

Loving The Sunny Day

So I did get to leave early today. Not quite as early as I would like but earlier than usual. Of course this was after I had handed off a couple of charts to someone else to do and as usual they did a totally half assed job and snuck them back into my office when I wasn't looking. I'd really rather they not help me if they aren't going to do it right. Oh and part of the hospital was still sort of without water. Fun times. So so glad I don't work on one of those floors with no water.

It's like 76 degrees out and lovely. The kitties are out in their little fenced space eating grass so they can come inside and puke on the carpet. I think I hear one of the now hacking up a grass ball.

Doctors appointment today was fine. He didn't even blink twice at my request for clearance for surgery. I don't know why I get so worried and stressed and imagine the doctor refusing etc over something like this. At any rate that's one more hoop and I think the last hoop done. Hopefully by next week we'll be making a surgery date!

Now, I think I'll go outside.

Spring!

Well today was definitely a spring day. Sunny, gorgeous and warm and it was still a little bit light outside when I got off work which always makes me a bit giddy. Of course I was stuck inside all day. In a hospital that had an iffy water supply all day. At one point the manager came around to tell us all that there was no water (thanks to a busted water main) and that if we had to do number 2 we would have to use a plastic bag. Thanks, I think I'd rather go home. At least I can be thankful I don't work the floor. Our water did come back after a while but last I heard floors 4-10 still didn't have any running water and they were trying to contact doctors to ask them if they would cancel their surgeries tomorrow. I'm guess it's going to be a bit of a slow day tomorrow in the OR's. Maybe I'll get to go home early because of being over staffed. That would be nice, especially if the weather is nice again. It was nice to hear though about the lack of functioning bathrooms after I'd drank a whole diet pepsi. Goody.

This morning I had an appointment with my rheumatologist. I had stopped taking all of my meds back in January in preparation of my cycle. Then in February when I cancelled everything I started taking it all again although I didn't have any refills left so I needed some refills. Going over everything today and all the pain, especially in my hands which has been pretty bad lately I also mentioned that when I went to the dermatologist she had told me I had some psoriasis behind my ear and on my scalp. Doc took a look at that and guess what, I have a new diagnosis. I am now being told that I have psoriatic arthritis. Basically sucky as it's degenerative like rheumatoid. So he upped one of my meds and in 3 months when we have approval he's going to put me on an injectible medication for it. I'm guessing this one won't be compatible with pregnancy either. I also think I need to for sure wait until after surgery. From one stand point it's nice to have someone finally tell me "yes, there is a reason for all of this pain" and yet from another having a degenerative arthritis is hardly a good thing. This of also though counts as another good reason for gastric bypass. I really need to remove as much stress from my joints (especially the weight bearing ones) as possible. I'm glad I have a doctor that is very proactive though. Hopefully tomorrows appointment with the primary doctor will be more cheerful. He's usually a good guy and funny so that helps. Of course part of why I'm going is because I need him to sign off on the surgery that I didn't ask for a referral for, I just called the surgeon and referred myself. Hmm. Maybe I should wish for some luck?

Dreaming

So I usually dream a lot at night. I don't always remember them but I do dream a lot. A lot of the dreams are often like I'm a character in some sort of action movie which are kind of odd and I've been known to do some very un-me like things in my dreams. I also tend to have dreams that are in some way associated to what ever I have going on in my life at the moment. Needless to say having a dream about surgery wasn't unexpected. A bit scary but not unexpected. I dreamed it was surgery day although I don't think I was having gastric bypass yet. I knew though that my platelets were really low and that I could bleed a lot. I had a hangnail on my toe that kept bleeding and then the nurse who was a friend from nursing school was going to give me a platelet transfusion but she wasn't doing it right which was totally freaking me out. Needless to say I was really glad to wake up from that one. In the light of day it makes me laugh too. Funny the things I process in my mind while I sleep.

Yesterday while I was working on some custom order blankets I also had the TV on. Not a lot to watch on a Saturday afternoon. I ended up finding myself strangely enthralled by a couple of reality TV shows I never would have guessed I'd be interested in. Bi*lly the Exter*minator and Ge*ne Sim*mons Fam*ily Jew*els. They were rather fascinating. I have two of the three custom blankets done and am hoping to finish up the 3rd one tonight. So I suppose I should get busy again.

Behind As Usual

I'm falling behind on blog reading again. I used to be so good at keeping up with all of it. This has been a pretty busy week. Work has been very busy and I've had appointments to make it to and all that good stuff.

Tuesday morning I had an appointment with a counselor for my psych evaluation for surgery. It went fine once I finally made it there. See I had gotten my paperwork originally from the doctor back in September. And turns out the counselor moved. So I had the wrong address. Oh but they sent me a packet of stuff to fill out. To my old address (I moved last October) and I never got it. So I was a bit late and I just went back tonight and dropped off the last of the paperwork that I had filled out. Then Tuesday night I couldn't sleep. See I had started reading a book and it was a really good book, as in really good. I tried to stop reading and go to bed but about 40 minutes later got back up and ended up sitting up until 2 am to finish the book. Then had to get up early Wednesday to go to the dietitian appointment. That was sort of a group informational thing where they went over a lot of the food requirements and food options for post surgery. All good things to know.

I still need to go get my car worked on but I just don't know if I'll be getting up really early tomorrow to do that. Likely not.

Next week I have an appointment with my primary physician to have him sign off on surgery. Which honestly will be the first he hears about it. See I don't have to have a referral to go to a specialist. So I didn't. I hope he's ok with sign off all that stuff since he prefers to refer to a different doctor who has a 6 month waiting period. And that is my last "hoop" to jump through. Then it's just a matter of waiting for the insurance company to do their thing. It is kind of looking like it will be around the beginning of May as I don't think I'll have a surgery date in time to request time off for this next work schedule. Still close although I was hoping for April. Oh and I'm also seeing the Rheumatologist next week and maybe we'll figure out why my thumbs have been locking up on me. And why my hands hurt so damn bad.

Weekend Projects

So I thought I would take a few minutes to post some pics of my two main projects for this weekend. First off I had several people mention that I should make my blankets in adult sizes. So I tried one. It was a little more difficult working with that much more fabric but all in all it turned out pretty good. It's about the size of 4 of my smaller blankets. So here's a few pictures of that.

Then I had seen some fabric a couple of months ago at the fabric store that I LOVED. It was this super soft red faux fur. So I finally decided to get some of it and pair it up with one of the fabrics I had already made a blanket from. Just because I loved the fabric so much. I think this one turned out pretty good too.

I also ordered some business cards. I found a web site that offered 250 free and ordered some. You had to pick from their few designs to get the free ones but they didn't look too bad. I figure I can use them at the indoor flea market which I'm planning on doing. Give them out to people who may want something later. I also finished some filing although I need to do more and gather together a bunch of info to send off to the mortgage company. Oh and at some point I suppose I should do my taxes although that idea scares me. I'm pretty sure I'm going to owe money this year. So that's what my weekend has included. I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Saturday

It's the weekend and I have so much to do. I seriously need to clean my house, do some filing, get together some necessary paperwork to send off to my mortgage company and get a couple of blankets finished up. I do have an adult size skull and cross bones one that I'm working on, just don't have it together yet. Plus a couple of other ones. I'm waiting on some fabric to do the three blankets the person from work had orders for and she thinks she might have some more orders for me. Whoohoo!!!

I've been trying to work on getting myself ready for surgery. Trying not to do a food free for all but yet take some time to enjoy stuff I won't be eating for a while if ever. I've also been trying to find a source of workable protein that I can swallow. I have a hard time with things I "have to" drink. Most of the protein drinks I've tried are nasty. The texture and the taste and I gag on the first drink. I found one of the special K things that was ok but it was pretty low amounts of protein. I've also found these protein shot things which are much higher amounts of protein in a relatively small size. I don't love the taste but they are doable. I also want to get some of the stuff we used to use when I worked NICU. It was like bene*fiber only it was bene*protein. It's not supposed to have a taste. The thought is if I can mix that in with some foods or drinks that could be a workable source. Also working on the whole vitamin thing. I was told that I would need to take chewable vitamins and so I was thinking chewable=kids vitamins. The other day at the store I bought some and then got to looking at the values etc. Of course it's no where near what I should be taking in as an adult. Now I have some kids vitamins that aren't what I need. Oh goody. So I went back today and found some adult chewable vitamins. They aren't bad. Definitely doable. I forgot to look for sub lingual B12 but I'll find that next. I also found out I would be taking 2 weeks off work. I had sort of been hoping for only one even though everyone I said that too thought I was crazy. Oh well. This week coming up I have my dietary consultation and my psych eval. The week after I see my regular doc and have him sign/fill out the necessary paperwork for my clearance for surgery. So things are moving along.

Now I better get busy with the house cleaning because it isn't going to do itself.

Learning

So tonight I came home feeling a bit crappy with a post all wrote out in my head. I don't know if it ever would have made it onto the blog as some of those snitty posts tend to not seem so important or funny once a day or two has passed. So I'm sitting here reading blogs, trying desperately to keep up with all of you and came across a lovely post by Quiet Dreams that got me thinking. I have a hard time with this concept myself. This idea of being kind to myself, or liking (hell not even close to loving) myself. Not something I'm great at. I can see where something happens that frustrates me and so in order to get it out and say something I joke about it. Could be therapeutic but it could be that I'm being unnecessarily unkind to myself. I don't know. I have a hard time figuring out when things in my life move from helpful to hurtful.

The sort of crappy thoughts? Those are still there. But maybe in a bit less hurtful of a voice. Right now they feel like great motivation to bring about change. Mostly because I'm not liking where things are at right now. And I'm doing something about it. I'm taking the steps and moving forward and even though it makes me nervous I'm doing it. Yeah the whole surgery thing. It feels like a lot of possibility is opening up. Right now, I feel like crap. I hurt. I'm heavy enough that reaching various parts of my body has become downright difficult even if it is rather necessary. I'm horribly ashamed of the actual damn number that will show up on the scale tomorrow at my appointment with the program from work that deals with fitness that I participate it. I'm really afraid it's going to be back over that 300 number. And some days I can't figure out how the hell I got here. But all of that (and the fear of diabetes, loosing toes, feet etc) not to mention my blood pressure that goes a bit wonky every time I surpass a certain number, has pushed me to decide to do something I've spent several years now telling myself I could find a way to avoid. See back in my early 30's I had decided to do the surgery. But the insurance wouldn't cover it. Then when I got to a point where maybe the insurance would cover it I started telling myself that no, maybe I could do it on my own. Now here I am almost 7 years later and while I've lost probably close to a hundred pounds, I still weigh the same damn number. Cause I've simply managed to lose the same fucking 10-15 pounds many times. I want a life. Whether I have a baby or not (but I still want one really bad) I want to feel better. I want to be able to go places and do things. I want to get on a plane without looking at all the people with empty seats next to them who have this look like "Oh God is she going to come sit here" look on their faces. And yes, I've seen the look. I've had people get up and ask to be reassigned which from one aspect is humiliating but from another standpoint I can see their perspective. I want to like myself. While I know that weight loss isn't an instant path to self liking, worth or whatever I can't help but think it might make it a little easier. No I don't expect to be perfect after surgery but I'm hoping for healthier and maybe a little cute? And maybe feeling good about myself and what I've done will be a stepping stone to finding even more likable things about myself.

Monday Again

That weekend was entirely too short. I have to admit though, I've really been missing having 3-4 days a week off lately. When I worked 12 hour shifts I usually had 3 or 4 days a week off. This business of only having 2 sort of sucks. Work has been really busy but I suppose that's a good thing. Job security and all that. I spent some of my weekend running errands and some of it sewing. I finished a couple more blankets that were special orders. Then this morning I was talking to someone I work with who had got a blanket from me and she had 3 more orders for me. Wow!! Yay!! I also received an e-mail last week about an indoor flea market that's starting here in Fre*sno. It's relatively cheap for a booth and I'm thinking of doing at least a day or two there to see how it goes. Maybe do one day and see how it goes and then think of doing more.

Not really a lot else going on. I've been feeling sort of empty. I'm sad or feeling down and a lot of a now what feeling. Which then I find myself feeling a lot like I need to do something to fill in that emptiness. Food isn't working although it's sure adding a couple more pounds. I keep catching myself looking at ads for puppies which is sort of funny since I know I don't really want another dog. I'd love to have another cornish rex cat but I doubt that is going to happen. I know I don't need it either. I love my 2 girls and don't need another animal but it's that emptiness. I'm also getting really excited about the thought of my life after surgery. The things I'll be able to do and feeling better.