Since Forever

Yes, I know. I'm a bad blogger. I feel a bit like I've nothing to talk about yet I do have things going on.  I am still typing all this out on my iPad which is driving me a little nuts. I have yet to get myself a laptop. 

For one thing, for the first (and oh please let it be the only) time in my life I broke a bone. I've had many accidents, sprains, bruises, etc but never a broken bone. Two weeks ago I was walking, tripped over a ledge in the side walk and fell. I fractured my 5th metacarpal (hand). Thankfully it's my left so I can still write but I can't work with my hand in a splint. Yeah. This happened one week after I started my new job. So now I'm off work until it heals, no idea when that will be. Last week they went in and pinned it which has been rather uncomfortable. In the meantime I've been bored out of my mind. Sewing is difficult to near impossible and there is only so much to do when you're trying not to spend money since you don't know when you'll next get a paycheck.  Tomorrow I at least get the splint off which will be nice even if they just put another one back on. This is itchy. 

I'm still loving where I'm at. I just feel so at home here. There is so much I love about it. Being able to look at the ocean daily is something I don't think I will ever tire of. I've watched hang gliders and para gliders a lot lately. When I was a child I always wanted to try hang gliding even though my mom told me it was a sin as it took unnecessary risk with your life.  Now I'm thinking I will give it or at least para gliding a try. I've been looking into tandem para gliding and while I need to wait until the timing is better financially I'm definitely planning to do it at least once. Even though the kid I saw land last week looked like he was going to puke or pass out. 

I've heard back from my biological mother several times now. I now have more of a health history than I did before which I find somewhat calming although it will possibly lead to a sooner than planned colonoscopy. We've exchanged some information on likes, dislikes etc. she seems pleasant and happy to "talk" to me. She expressed that she was curious about me. Yet it feels like a detached curiosity. I'm not totally sure what I expected but it wasn't really what I got. I had hoped I suppose for a sense that she was proud of me and how I turned out. I knew that a replacement for the mom I no longer have was expecting too much. Even a fabulous and loving relationship wouldn't make up for my mom abandoning me. I do know that. However it still feels like I'm searching for approval from outside of myself which is frustrating. I think I also was hoping or craving a sense of belonging some where or a sense of family that feels at least partly missing from my life. As far as I know I don't have any siblings. 

I'm sure there is more than these few random things but I can't think of anything else at the moment. Hoping I soon can get back to work both for the paycheck and the interaction with other people. 

Newness

Well, I'm here.  I'm in s@nt@ b@rb@r@.  I've been here a little over a week and while it of course decided to get hot here right after I got here, so far I love it.  Getting out of the lease in my previous place has been a bother but it's done I think.  The manager states he has no plans to sue me and told me to go live my life. 

I'm still feeling a bit like I'm in shock with how fast everything happened.  When I came here in May to interview I had looked at apartments and left fairly discouraged. Many places didn't allow pets and if they did it was a two pet limit and apartments went fast.  I sort of figured I would have to find temporary housing or a sublet and then look more once I had moved down here.  I had also resigned myself to the idea that I would maybe have to live 30 miles south of here where there are more housing options.  Never dreaming I would find something here in town and within walking distance and sight of the ocean. Yet I am. The whole thing came together so remarkably easy that I kept expecting it to fall through right up until I moved in. The owners are ok with all three of my cats and are really very friendly. It is a much smaller space so I'm still struggling some trying to fit everything in but it is working out.  I just feel so incredibly lucky or blessed to have this chance to live my dream. It seems like I've spent so many years hoping and wishing for things that never happened and now the things I've dreamed about are happening. I don't know if I'm explaining that well but I had dreamt about having a place along the beach while always believing it wouldn't happen due to cost and availability.  Now here I am and while I'm not right on the beach, I'm only half a block away. I can see it from my apartment and at night when there isn't as much traffic, I can hear the waves.  So while I find myself trying to downsize further and find new creative storage methods I find myself thinking I never want to leave here.

The front of my apartment (it's a duplex).

The view from my apartment!