Thanks

Thanks so far for the input to my last post.  I started off replying via e-mail but then figured I'd put my replay out here. 

Paige - thanks for the kind words.  It's much appreciated and you're right that the year of saving may give me more time for planning and contemplation.

Mrs. Spock - I did look and there is a local chapter of SCORE and they gave a list of questions to answer prior to making an appointment with them etc.  All good things to think about and I'm working on the list and hope to eventually get some input from them.

Abby - I'll try to remember that although no promises.  I'm guessing regular posting might help increase my readership too.  I truly can't make many promises about that either.  I sometimes just don't know what's worth throwing out to the world and whats not.  Plus not feeling like I fit in anywhere in blogland anymore now that I'm no longer TTC and don't really blog about child free living specifically.  I tend to feel like my life (diarist) is just not that interesting and often only blog something that I feel a need to vent on and don't have another avenue that feels safe for doing so (such as FB rarely feels safe enough).

Lollypop Goldstein - I haven't spoken to Julie as I don't know her or that she quilts. It's a definite idea though.  I know some quilters are intent to do all the work themselves, others aren't as concerned by that and will let someone else doing the quilting portion.  I've done some of my own quilting (so far very basic and all straight line) and had someone do it for me on larger quilts that are difficult to do on my machine (although not impossible as I've recently been shown by an amazing teacher and quilter) or when I wanted something special done (like on my Halloween quilt).  I am working on talking to others who have a quilting business to get a feel for need and how to get started.  As far as etsy goes I sort of gave up on etsy.  Unless you advertise a lot or list things regularly/daily it's hard to be seen by random people who don't know you and aren't looking specifically for you.  When looking on etsy for something (such as a baby blanket) it's going to list the most recent things listed first so if it's been more than a day or so mine will probably not be seen as so many different things will come up and after like 3 months your listing expires and drops off completely.  Another problem I encountered is the price I was listing my blankets for barely if even covered the cost of supplies.  I could list for higher price so that I was actually making something on them but I know I'm less likely to buy something higher priced off the internet if I can't look at and touch before I buy.  

Busy Brain

My mind is as usual busy.  Just running like it does but there are specific things running right now.  Ideas and plans and maybes. So I thought I would throw this out here to blog land and say that hey if there is anyone out there, I wouldn't mind some feedback on these ideas and plans. 
I'm thinking about trying to start a business.  I haven't decided yet if this is a cool idea that could work out and eventually be awesome or if it's a little crazy.  In the past I have attempted a few times to sell various arts and crafts things and while I've done okay at it I never did fabulous but this was largely due to cost of supplies etc and not being able to sell things for what they are worth.  I had fun with doing it though and I never really regretted the time, effort, and money I put into these projects.  I've also attempted twice to be an independent sales representative for a couple different companies, which admittedly I didn't do very good at. The first time was rubber stamps with *stam*pin up.  I loved the product at the time and mostly wanted to get my stamps cheaper although I did have fantasies of find a customer like myself who was just discovering it and wanted it all! The reality was that the company was 10 years old at the time and most people who were into the hobby already had a demonstrator they bought from.  My upline who had been a demonstrator for nearly the whole 10 years made really great money with the company but she had tons of customers and people under her.  It was fun while it lasted but I had a pretty hard time keeping up with the $300 in quarterly sales required and after about 2 years gave up.  The second time I tried was m*a*r*y k*a*y.  Again, I loved the product but it's been around for a long time.  Most people who use the product have a representative for it and I encountered a lot of people who said they were allergic to the make up.  Plus it was hard to compete with those who had some of every single item so when a customer called and wanted something they could hand it over on the spot instead of waiting for an order to come in.  I couldn't afford to have all that product plus it would have been a huge waste since I never really sold much. Again after about 2 years I gave up. 
Now I'm thinking about trying something again.  I want to start a long arm quilting business.  The initial start up would be expensive.  The machines aren't cheap at all.  Having used one only a few times I'm not great at it although I know with practice I could become great at it.  After the machine purchase there wouldn't be a ton of other costs.  It's something that I would do out of my home and I would be doing other peoples quilts in addition to my own.  I spoke with someone the other day who was in the quilting class I took who said when she got started she offered to quilt the quilts for her local quilt shop for free if they would just put her name on it as quilted by.  She says she is now doing about 8 quilts a month and has been so busy she hasn't launched her website that her husband made for her (she works full time also). 
I figure it's going to be probably a year or so before I can get the machine unless I manage somehow to get a screaming deal on one somewhere.  I'm trying to figure out how to effectively budget and lower my expenses in a way that will allow me to save the most possible to be able to buy the machine in a year or so.  I just found out there is possibly a place in Fresno where I can rent time and there is a shop about an hour and a half away that will allow me to rent time by the hour on their machine to practice and there are a few other shops a bit further away that will do the same.  Going to the various places to spend time on the various machines would give me a chance to try out several different brands to maybe narrow down what I'm looking for.  It would also give me a chance to get some practice in to start improving my techniques and abilities. 
Down side if it doesn't work is that I will have spent a fairly large amount of money on a personal machine.  If I can afford the machine though this isn't a huge draw back as I would still use it for myself.  I don't plan to buy the machine unless I can afford it or the payments.  Meaning I'm not going to agree to payments I can't afford on the idea that I will make money that will cover the payments.  The biggest thing this means is that I may end up choosing a machine without all the bells and whistles that I would love to have and that might make a business easier but that I can survive without and that I can possibly add later.
Upsides are there too.  I'd be doing something I love and I'd be creating something.  There could be some tax benefits.  I think there is also a possibility that I could get some work doing teaching of quilting stuff as well, either locally or maybe not so locally. I don't necessarily see a point where I would give up being a nurse (at least before I'm 70) but if I did well enough at it, I could possibly cut back to just working as an RN part time which I'd love to do eventually.
The annoying voice in my head, which I am getting better at quieting and ignoring (she sounds a bit like my mom) of course says that I'll never make enough money at it and its the equivalent of deciding to be an artist which almost never works as a career.  Like I said, I'm getting better at ignoring that voice. I know it is possible to be moderately successful at this. I may never be famous or make millions of dollars but that isn't my goal.  My goal is to do something I enjoy and share it with others. I know it would take a lot of work and a lot of putting myself out there.  I need to be prepared to learn techniques and business tools.  The part of me that is ignoring that other voice and working hard to believe in myself says I'm pretty sure I can do it and do it fairly well.
So. Any thoughts?

An Ah-ha Moment

These Ah-ha moments keep happening in my life.  Moments where all of the sudden things I've thought or believed for years or habits I've had finally make sense.  While it's often a relief to know the why behind the problem, it can also be frustrating as it feels like something else to work on. 
I had another one recently that has sort of left my mind spinning a bit more than usual. I've mentioned on here before that as a child my mom used to tell about how Jehovah's Witness were tortured in Nazi Germany like the Jewish people were and that it could all happen again. As a child she used to tell me how people could come take me away from my parents, torture me and even kill me to get me to say something against God.  And she wondered why I was afraid of the freaking dark??  A side part of this belief was that I could (and should) expect to be disliked or even hated for my religious beliefs. 
See where this is going? Yeah.  For as long as I can remember I've always had this feeling or expectation that I would be disliked if people really knew me.  If they really knew who I was, what I believed in, what was important to me, that I wouldn't be likeable.  So I spent all of my childhood and a great portion of my adult life to this point trying to be whatever the person or people around me would find likeable. That was hugely tiring and I think at some point I decided that I was tired of pretending to be something I wasn't but yet in order to protect myself I pushed most everyone away to a safe distance so that it wouldn't matter if they didn't like me or who I truly was.  I think this also factors in at least somewhat in how hard I find it now to have someone I've considered a friend who speaks out vocally against something I believe in.  Like gay marriage or equal rights for everyone.  How can I be friends with someone who is against something I believe so strongly in supporting.  Yet if I eliminate the possibility of friendship with someone because they don't share my beliefs does that make me as bad as those who I fear would dislike me because of what I believe in?  This is what I've had a difficult time with lately.  Well that and the whole fear of being disliked.  Yeah, that's still there.