I've had Sadie (my dog) for 8 years and I love her very much. I had gotten her back when I was with D and she started off as our dog. When we split up I took her with me and there were some days that the only thing that got me out of bed was her sitting there doing a peepee dance. In the first few years that I got her I took her with me everywhere. We went to the park for long walks and to the river to swim and if I went on a trip she went too. Of course I was a student then and while I was busy I was still only working part time. When I finished school and went back to work full time and got busier we didn't do as much of the walks etc. For a while I was really spoiled in that I had a neighbor who loved her and would take care of her whenever I went out of town so it was never much work to figure out. He also took care of her on the nights I worked so I didn't have to worry about her not being able to go potty in over 12 hours. Then a couple of years ago I took off to travel and left her home. I had at first planned to soon bring her with me but it was difficult as it was finding temporary housing for myself and 2 cats and she was doing ok at home. For a while I had considered finding her another home since I didn't know when I was going to stop traveling and I wanted her to be well cared for. When I finally settled into Fresno I was so excited to finally have her here with me as I had missed her. Shortly after she got here though I remembered how much work she was. I was back to trying to figure out what to do with her at night while I work. I hate to leave her outside all night, especially when it's so warm out like it is now but I hate to leave her inside without a potty place too. I would be more than happy to leave her in with a potty pad for her to use but she won't use it. She will hold it (and get a bladder infection) rather than potty in the house. It's also more difficult to take off and go somewhere out of town with her here. I have to find someone to take care of her or stay with her, especially now that she's on medicine twice a day. It's also not always very easy to take her places. A lot of places I'd like to go that really aren't very dog friendly. I've been working around all of this though and it's been ok. I've felt bad often that she doesn't get enough attention. Every other week I do five 12 hour shifts in a row. On those days I can't manage much other than to work, sleep and eat. I may sit at my computer for half an hour to unwind a bit before going to bed. Walks etc do not happen though and I've had a lot of weeks where I feel like I'm neglecting her. I've tried playing with her and she pretty much looks at me like I'm crazy. I've never been the player. I've been the walker, the care taker but not the player. She doesn't fetch or play with toys like many other dogs do. That may sound odd but that's the only way I can describe it.
When I went to Spokane a couple of weeks ago a coworker offered to keep her at her house while I was gone. It was fantastic. Her whole family loves Sadie. She got to go for 2 long walks a day. There are little kids to play with and Sadie loved them. They text me that they miss her. They've hinted that they would like to have her stay with them more permanently. Sadie went and stayed with them again this weekend while I went to Monterey. When my coworker showed up to pick her up Sadie was so happy and excited to see her. Pretty much more excited to see her than she usually is to see me. Which got me to thinking about the fact that a year ago I was sort of wishing I could find a really good home for Sadie where she got more attention than I was able to give her. And how it looks sort of like I may have found that now. The thought of her not being here makes me sad but also a little relieved and I really want for her to be happy, not just lay around the house looking bored. So I find myself considering letting this family keep her. With the condition that if they ever were unable to keep her she would come back to me, never ever to go to a shelter.
All this of course makes me question myself and of course I do the whole "does it mean I would be a bad mother if I'm willing to give my dog away because it's easier" thing. Stupid but yes, I still find myself questioning myself and my capability to parent at every turn. But it's not really about that. Right now it's just about what's best for my dog.
15 comments:
Oh honey, not at all. sometimes it is about what is best for them. I understand your issues, coming from a family where when you got a pet it was yours, but if she is happier-- isn't that best?
It is totally how you would treat your child: you would do what is best for them even if it makes you hurt. Duh! That is parenthood. You are a great mommy to your animals, and will be a great mommy to a human child, too. I think the family is a good thing for Sadie. Just make sure that you get Auntie rights, so you can visit her when you need a Sadie fix.
I actually thought the opposite and was thinking what a GREAT mom you are for thinking of what was best for Sadie. I can't imagine what you're feeling as it's gotta be so hard. :( I'm sure thinking of you!!!
This issue is completely separate issue than will you be a good mom. You are being a responsible adult and situations with animals can not be compared to situations with kids. I think you are being incredibly generous and thoughtful to even consider letting Sadie go to a new home.
I think it is a fabulous idea to give Sadie to the family. If she is happy and the family is happy, then absolutely do it. Just make sure she comes back to you if they can't keep her. I think you will also feel better in the long run. Good luck and please keep us posted!
Hugs,
Kami
I think it makes you a good mom if you know that you are not giving her the things she needs and someone else can. You will be able to visit her and you will be happier knowing that she is being well taken care of. I know it is hard and you love Sadie. Good luck. ((HUGS))
I would say the reverse is true. I really don't think you are finding here an easy way out or something like that but doing what's best for your dog. Giving up your dog is difficult, but you are willing to do so because you have her interest in your heart and know it will be better for her with that family. Thinking and doing for others even if it is difficult for you - that sounds to me like the making of an excellent, super-duper mother!
P.S
I am so not a playing type too, don't play with my cats and didn't really with my dog.
I think that in choosing to do what's best for Sadie you are embracing what it truly means to "mother material" (if there is such a thing). It's hard to watch someone you love go, but it sounds like there is someplace wonderful that Sadie could wind up--and what mother wouldn't want the best for their child? What pet owner wouldn't want the best for their pet? I know this is a hard decision and I'll be thinking of you sweetie! ((hugs))
It sounds like the perfect place for Sadie. I, in no way, think that you're decision to possible give her a new home reflects at all negatively on your being a good mommy.
I understand how you feel. There are some similar decisions that need to be made in our household. They are tough decisions....
Well, I am glad I popped over for this post because you need a stern talking to. ;)
A) So what if you are bad at making decisions? I am too. Chicken or Fish for dinner? Give me an hour and I will go over all the pros and cons. Worst thing is that it drives me nuts.
B) You have found a great home for Sadie, you don't have the time for her you would like to have . . . it seems simple. You are making the best decision for both of you even though it will make you sad. I think that is a great trait for a mother.
C) You are a good, worthy, competent person!
Hey, dogs need certain things, and you know that you're having a rough time providing them because of your schedule. Recognizing things like that is at the heart of parenting, methinks: You see what your child needs, and then try to do it.
I think you sound like a fantastic mom. Think of it this way: in dog years, Sadie is middle aged. A good mom wouldn't keep her middle aged child from following her bliss.
We have some similar decisions to make in our household too. Five pets is just more than we can handle or have time for right now. Our older dog doesn't require much entertaining but the younger one is craving activity and needs to burn off energy and we just don't have it to give. I feel like I was a good pet parent until Maddie came along and now she's my priority. I wouldn't mean taken our pet headcount down 2 or three but I don't have good family homes to take them to. You are very lucky that you have that option and I think it's a responsible thing to do for Sadie's sake.
We had to make a similar decision recently with our cat Matilda. Since J was born, we had ZERO attention to give her. It was fine until our other cat Prue dies, and then she was terribly lonely and acting depressed.
When J developed asthma, our Pedi told us we should not have a pet with hair, and that made our decision. If we could find someone we knew well and trusted, we would give her up to them.My FIL is retired and at home alone all day, and jumped at the chance to take her. She is very happy now, he has a companion, and she has 1.5 acres to roam and plenty of moles to hunt.
If she will be happier, and is well loved, then why not? Parenting will mean letting your child go at some point as well...
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