Yuck

So I'm sitting here, checking blogs while I should be doing something else. Like finishing the reading for the class on heart dysrhythmias I signed up to take through work. The reading that I am maybe half way finished with for the class that starts tomorrow at 8am. Of course also of note is that it's after midnight, I'm not even remotely tired and I would need to be up by 6:30 at the latest to get to class in a timely manner. And I'm not done reading but my brain is done reading. I keep reading this stuff over and over and over again and it still doesn't make any freaking sense. Of course that is partially because I'm not good at reading text book kinds of things. Don't ask me how I made it through nursing school because I really have NO idea whatsoever. I can't read a text book and have it as a whole make sense. I will have bits and pieces that click and make sense but for the most part me reading a text book is a pain in the ass. Yet I can sit and read a fictional book without difficulty. I've never understood that. So I have no idea what I'm going to do. If I don't go to sleep soon it's not going to happen anyways since there is no way I can sleep only a few hours then get up early and also work tomorrow night since I usually am not good at napping. I suppose it also doesn't help that I'm somewhat ambivalent about the class as a whole. I felt like I should take it because I'm being floated regularly to a unit that most of the patients are there for something that is cardiac in nature. I like the unit because the people I work with there are really nice but working in a cardiac unit isn't really what I want to do long term. Granted I could end up using this in other areas but unless I use it frequently it will never stick for me and this class will all be for nothing. Can you tell I really don't want to go to the class tomorrow.
I also spent some time this evening avoiding "homework" talking to bff R on the phone. For like an hour and a half. This was after her brother left. Which brings me to another yuck point. R had called earlier and said that her brother was at her house. This is unusual since they haven't been close in the past. She told me she was for warning me but that he wanted to talk to me. Now I have never really gotten along with her brother. He was mean when we were kids (abusive mean to her and her sister), always calling me names, making fun of me etc. Except one occasion. At a fair when he thought it would be a good idea to kiss me. And me, being all of 14 and the kid I was didn't know how to say no. I was totally grossed out by it but I didn't know how to say no to him at that time (so help me God if I ever have a girl she will know how to say NO if she needs or wants to) so I went along with it because I didn't know what else to do. Then several days later I had to admit that I didn't really like him. Which of course made the abuse I received from him even worse. Basically stupid stuff, the trials of teenagers. But yet today, after almost 24 freaking years, he wanted to relive (and rekindle) our days of the past. WTF???? After a couple minutes of him asking repeatedly how I was "Fine" and him asking about hey do you remember when... and voicing some sort of what sounds like a lewd suggestion I finally asked to speak to R again and quickly ended the call. She called back later apologizing profusely. But damn men (or at least the immature ones) can be such stupid assholes sometimes. Yuck. And he has a girlfriend whom he lives with I guess. What a jerk.
So I guess I'm done venting now and I really should get back to E*C*G* made*easy (my ass) book.