I just finished talking with my best friend whom I've known for 24 years. She called me to tell me that her 16 year old daughter is pregnant. She's known for about 3 weeks now and has been going through this without talking to me since she was afraid to tell me as she knows I am hoping to get pregnant. It's hard to know exactly what I'm feeling right now. I feel for my friend who has to see her "baby" going through this. I feel for her daughter who is losing a part of her childhood as she is forced to make some very grown up decisions, none of which are easy. So far it looks as if her daughter has decided on an abortion which I think my friend feels a little guilty that she is relieved about. I can understand where she is coming from though. I know that I wouldn't want my 16 year old having a baby and raising it if it could be avoided. She would lose forever what is left of her childhood. Her entire life would change drastically. I know that as a parent, my friend wants what is best for her daughter first and foremost just as I would want if it was my daughter. I can't say there isn't a part of me though that doesn't feel a small bit of hurt. Hurt that it's not me pregnant. Hurt that it was so easy for someone so young and unprepared for this journey. Although I have never tried getting pregnant before so I don't know if it will be difficult or easy for me. There was a momentary thought about adoption, and that maybe it could work. However I know that is unlikely. I read something the other day on a pro-choice site that it is very damaging to a young girl/woman to actually go through the process of adoption as they have carried the child and then given it up, to forever have a hole in their life. That may not sound like it makes much sense but what I read really did seem to make sense to me, it's hard to explain though.
Some would say that the abortion is wrong and she is doing something evil. While I don't think I could ever have an abortion myself, I don't think it's my place to judge someone else or to take another persons choice away. I know that I support my friend completely just as she has supported me many, many times. I want was is best for her daughter also. It's just sad to me that this situation exists. A situation with no easy answers.
4 comments:
I'm with you on many levels here. 16 IS young to be going through this. Abortion is lousy birth control, and its repeat use really bugs me. But I would never want that choice taken away from a woman. I used to think I would never have an abortion myself. But there was a time I didn't use protection about 18 years ago and thought that abortion might be an option if I had gotten pregnant. But I've never been pregnant and have no idea how easy or hard it will be for me either.
The thought of carrying and having a child and then giving it up does seem MUCH harder to me than an early term abortion. But I suppose it depends on the person making the choice, what their beliefs are and whether they know the person who would be adopting their child if they had it. If they really felt they were doing a service for someone, and that their child would be cherished and provided for better than they could do at that point, I think carrying the child could be rewarding. But 9 mos. for a 16 year old is a very long time.
I wish the best for your friend and her daughter. "Mistakes" do happen. And hopefully we learn.
What can say I send prayers to your friend &her family during this very sad time. On the side I am a Counselor to young, "I know everything about the world" youth. Teen pregnancy is something we talk about constantly. Many of these young folks come into "the system" at 14/15 already pregnant with baby#1 & sometimes, believe it or not, Baby#2. Truly not enough room for me to list my feelings here. It sounds like you are a wonderful friend and a good support.
It is so hard to be Trying So Hard To Concieve and seeing these young women get pregnant by accident. Whatever her choice.. it is a hard one.. and one she will think about for the rest of her life. Be supportive to your friend and her daughter. They are going through their own struggle right now and though it is on a completly different track then ours.. it still isnt easy and it is filled with hurt and sadness.. My thoughts are with you, your friend and her daughter. That all of you will find happiness...
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I really appreciate them.
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