Still In Beta Hell Updated

Yes, I'm still here. Sorry I didn't update last night but I still didn't have internet at home (I finally do now) and I just didn't have the energy (or the money) to go back to the internet cafe to post after work.
Saturday's beta was a 26. So not doubling like it should after 3 days. Of course still increasing enough to earn me a keep taking your meds and test again. I was supposed to do it tomorrow but I have to work all day so I did it today. I don't know if I will know the results tonight or tomorrow.
In the meantime I'm struggling. I want very badly to withdraw into myself and just not deal. Sleeping for say the next 6 months sounds good. I've been burying myself in books and just not thinking or much. I haven't cried much. Yesterday after getting the results for Saturdays draw I found myself way more angry than sad. I had let myself hope over the weekend. I had let the dizzy spells and hot flashes give me hope and along with a positive pee stick really believed that it could still turn out good. Today I don't. I have no hope left. I feel so angry and cheated. All through my life my likes and dislikes or wants have changed as I have. The only 2 things that I've wanted that have remained a constant is to be married or to have someone to share my life and wanting to be a mom. I feel like I'm being tortured or punished somehow and that those things will never be a part of my life. I feel still like I am chasing the impossible dream. I know there are others who have felt this way or who have dealt with similar feelings. I don't pretend to hurt any worse than others. But I hurt. I am just so angry that for once things can't just work out well. I know I am blessed and that I have more than many but when I'm looking at the possibility of never being a mother it seems so much like I have nothing. I know that's not true but it's how I feel right now.
Today I went to Chi*li's for lunch as I felt like I deserved it. As I was walking through the restaurant I noticed a toddler sitting at a table. I didn't even think about when I sat down facing in one direction that she would be in my direct line of sight and usually this wouldn't bother me anyways. She looked like she was about a year old, had a knitted pink hat with a great big flower on it and was so cute. She turned around and gave me big huge smiles and waved. I started getting all teary and waved back, watching her eat and watch others. I felt like the pain I was feeling radiated off me and it seemed like her mother gave me a sympathetic look. Maybe just what I was wanting to see. I finally had to focus on my book as I knew that if I continued to sit and look at this beautiful little girl I would soon have tears running down my face. Since I tend to prefer crying in private over public places reading seemed like a better plan.
For now I wait. Wait for the next set of results so I can maybe stop the meds. Strange thing is that I had no problem with daily shots in the ass with a great big needle when there was so much possibility but now that my hope is gone it all seems like it's just more effort than I want to make. I'm not sure what's next.
Updated. Todays beta is 4 so it's over. Expect my period in 3-4 days and I can finally stop poking myself. Now what.