Show And Tell With A Story

This weeks show and tell comes with a bit of a story too. The last few months I’ve been feeling somewhat like my life is out of my control, gee imagine infertility causing a woman to feel like that. I’ve felt a bit like nothing in my life has turned out the way I wanted it to. I have a history in the past of liking guys who didn’t like me back for whatever reason and yet I would put my everything into liking them, trying to change myself to be what I thought the guy of the week or month would like. I finally had given up this damaging habit a couple of years ago, around the time I more or less gave up on men. While I have had dates in the last couple of years I feel I have done a fairly decent job of being mostly true to myself. I also haven’t dated anyone that gave me that really excited, I really like this guy feeling. I haven’t felt physically attracted to any of the guys I’ve dated. Then a few weeks ago I was talking to a co-worker who asked me out on a date although we didn’t really set a concrete plan. This guy did a lot of sweet talking with a lot of pretty words and I amazed myself by falling for it. I liked this guy. Liked him to the point I didn’t even blog about him. So while I didn't totally trust the sweet talking, I did pretty much ignore my distrust too. There were several tentative plans made and phone calls that never came. A couple of weeks ago to get away from what I knew would likely be a weekend sitting at home hoping and waiting for the phone to ring I went to Seattle. A few days after I got back he called me and asked if I wanted to go to the fair. The fair sounded great and I was really excited. He talked off and on all week about how much fun we were going to have. So the day of the fair, he calls and says he’s on his way to pick me up and oh by the way, he’s bringing his friend Julie. Huh????? You’re bringing another girl on our date?? I should have just said no thanks but of course I didn’t. The girl was nice and I got along with her ok but it was just weird. The guy seemed to mostly ignore both of us although from the way she talked they spend quite a bit of time together. At the end of the night he dropped me off at home and took off with her and I did what I had told myself I would never do again. I sat and cried. I was confused, wondering why he would say the things he’d said and yet leave me confused. The next night I went to work and a girl I work with asked how the fair was. I hadn’t mentioned the fair to her but I figured maybe the guy did. I told her it was ok. She seemed to pick up on something and asked if it was related to the guy and thought that maybe she needed to know what had happened. So I ended up talking to her and turns out he had been feeding her (and who knows who else?) all the same pretty words. He had actually told her on Saturday that he wasn’t going to go to the fair on Sunday as he wanted to go with her and she was working but then went to the fair on Sunday with me and Julie. So talking with her opened my eyes and instead of feeling bad about it, I got mad. It was a liberating feeling. I realized I had been doing a bit of the doormat routine again. So I decided that I needed to do something for myself to make myself feel more powerful. More in charge of my life and less like a doormat. So I did this.

According to the site What's Your Sign this is the Triple Spiral and it represents the drawing of the three powers of maiden, mother and crone. It is a sign of female power and especially power through transition and growth.
Now when I need to remember how strong I am I only need to look down at my foot.