Indecision

I feel so strange and undecided right now, almost adrift. I don't know what I want to do next. Or I do know but I don't at the same time. I'm ok with taking another travel assignment as the way I have it figured I will just make it a condition of my contract to have Thanksgiving off. Then the contract will end around mid December or so which will also give me Christmas off. I'm ok with this. However I'm feeling a bit over whelmed at the idea of packing up my things yet again and moving them to another temporary location. And coming up with and paying all the deposits and moving costs. It was never much of a problem for my first contract since I stayed in Fresn0 for 9 months or 3 contracts. Since I left there I have moved every 3 months. And now that I have my craft stuff etc here it's even more to move. I do like having my stuff to do though. It's getting expensive and that cuts into the extra money I make that is to go towards IF treatments. I would love to be able to just stay here in Sac if I had a job I liked but I absolutely will not stay at this job. I think also another aspect of this here is my compulsive need to plan out every step for both my professional life and my little science project (TTC). It just doesn't work and I'm having a hard time with that. Then the indecision of what type of nursing I want to do. What I'm doing now (med/surg) works now but it really isn't what I want to do long term. As a matter of fact I'm getting kind of tired of it. I would love to work as an RN in an infertility clinic. However working in clinics tends to not pay as well as working in a hospital would which is a down side too.
Of course there is also the issue of I don't know where I want to live, long term. Part of me really wants to stay in California. I like it here. Some places better than others but I like it here. However I miss my chosen family at home. And I know that if I have a child I want them involved in my child's life which in some ways seems like it's an easy choice to go home. However the flip side of that is that the pay in Spokane sucks. Really sucks. Like anywhere from 5-15 dollars an hour less than I would make here. And right now the cost of buying a house is similar here in Sac and Fresn0 to what it is at home. Plus there right now are no jobs that I really want to do in Spokane. So I feel undecided about all that. And for the moment I'm trying to just not think about it all and leave it for later. This works for a while, sort of.
In the meantime I think of other things. I went and bought a vacuum today. I bought a dys0n which I'm very much looking forward to using. I hated to spend the money but I had a cheep vacuum in Fresn0 and it wouldn't suck up cat liter so when I left, I left it there. Then in SB I didn't have one at all and the landlord of my apartment it appears kept the entire deposit ($500) because of me not vacuuming the carpet. The irony of that is not lost on me that I lost $500 dollars when I just spent close to that on a vacuum. I did get it at a discount though since I had a 20% off coupon. So at least I can leave these carpets well vacuumed.
I also have a bunch of books I've bought and read that I'm trying to figure out what to do with. I have given some of my books to Bleu before and no Bleu I don't mind giving them to you again. However I was thinking of something although I don't know if anyone will be interested. I would like to make an offer to all of you ladies on bedrest that if you are interested in any of the books I have I would be willing to send it to you, you can have it and then share somewhere else or keep. If anyone is interested e-mail me or leave comments and I will let you know what books I have. They are mostly all pretty current books, some hard backs. Another possible idea would be if we could create some sort of an online book exchange. If anyone is interested in that idea maybe let me know too and I'll see what I can set up.