Struggling

It's been a really rough couple of days here.  Over the weekend I felt like I had a pretty good solid idea on what to say in my letter and that I was willing to write it and send it off into the mail and the universe.  Letting go of the hope I could control, influence or know what would happen. It could go a hundred different ways and trying to plan or imagine what will happen will only make me nuts and won't change anything. I still plan to send it out, but I'm not sure when.

Yesterday's news of Robin Williams suicide hit me really hard.  Whether it's because I know what it feels like to be that sad, lonely and hopeless or for other reasons I haven't pinned down yet it felt awful. My heart breaks for anyone feeling that much sadness and pain.  I woke up late evening yesterday to a phone call from my sister that made the whole depression and suicide thing even more real and scary. I'm worried about her and her emotional state, trying to figure out how to help from several states away.  I'm not sure what is going to happen but I'm hoping to get her out here, at least for a while.  It was all enough for me to email my therapist and ask for an emergency session today.  For now I'm playing things by ear but have a couple different alternate plans figured out. 

As much as I have a difficult time with religion, God etc.  I would appreciate some peaceful healing thoughts and wouldn't even say no thanks to prayers for me and my sis.