It's hard to believe that it's been 7 weeks today since I had surgery. Wow. I had so many plans for that time and let me tell you, I got almost none of them done. I did finish a quilt for a friend and that's about it. Other than that I read, a lot. Also this post is a bit all over the place as I have so much bouncing around in my head.
Recovery was a lot worse than I thought it would be (I should have known better knowing I was pretty much having 3 different procedures done I know), but I'm through the worst of it. I still get uncomfortable if I'm on my feet a lot which worries me about going back to work but I'm sure I'll get through it. I've been released now by two of my three doctors. Yay! Especially the urologist as his office is always so freaking behind.
Emotionally I'm doing a bit better. My regular doctor started me on a second medication and then this week I did start hormone replacement therapy. I had decided to wait and see on the HRT and for the first 5 weeks or so I thought cool, I won't need that as I was freezing constantly. Then about a week ago the hot flashes started. And kept getting worse. Holy hell did they get worse. That along with the mood issue made me think that for now it's the better option so I'll see how it goes. Of course the acquaintance mentioned in previous posts that had opinions on my taking pain medication 2 weeks after surgery had an opinion on HRT as well so I just kept my mouth shut on what meds I'm taking. None of her freaking business either. Yes I know I should stand up for myself more maybe although I have been standing up to her and I've also decided that since it's not likely to be a long term friendship I can hold my tongue and not tell her stuff that isn't her business although I have pointed out to her that our tastes in many things (other than our craft habits) is vastly different. She's nice in some ways but very opinionated and I tend to be a bit weak at standing up for myself or feeling walked on. However I'm finding that if I just don't discuss certain things then I don't end up feeling like my beliefs or feelings are being stomped on. I don't know if that makes sense to most but for now it works.
This week I've also taken a bit of a step back from FB. No I haven't unfriended some of those that have been annoying me. Mostly what's been annoying me is all the political posting stuff and all the gun stuff. On one had I respect peoples right to have guns within reason but god dang I'm tired of seeing pictures of guns plastered all over FB. That and it seems like so few people any more post anything about what they're doing, just other pictures they picked up somewhere on the internet. For me FB was a way to connect with people I had lost contact with or people that I didn't see very often. It just feels like I don't get that anymore. I don't deny that I'm sure there are those who don't love or agree with everything I share as well but I like to think that I stay fairly conservative with what I share. I also know that lately I've been a bit over sensitive and maybe stepping away is a good thing.
One thing I've been afraid to say much about is my decision to rehome one of my cats. Last year I had adopted a 9 year old at the time Cornish Rex from a local shelter. I had a friend from work who had seen her at the shelter and was told that she wasn't up for adoption. When I went out to see her they were more receptive to letting her be adopted when I told them I had 2 other Cornish Rex's and I ended up taking her home that day. She took to me or claimed me right away but has never gotten along with my other two cats. I've had problems non stop with inappropriate urination with her (she peed all over my hallway, on a chair numerous times, a towel on the kitchen counter, a shelf in the bathroom, stacks of towels in the bathroom, in a change dish, on clothes on the dresser, on some stuffed animals on a shelf including a teddy bear I've had since I was a year and a half old, and on my bed). How much of this was territorial or related to my other older cat who thinks she's a dog and insists on using puppy potty pads I have no idea but she did seem re trainable when I left her with my vet over a weekend where she was confined and when she came home she stuck with the litter box. She continued however to be very aggressive to my other two cats who both lived here before she did. After a year I realized that she wasn't going to get any better with them and would likely be happier herself as an only cat. So right before Christmas I started looking for a new home for her. Last week I found someone who knowing all of her quirks was still interested in adopting her and so Saturday I met the person half way between our homes and did the exchange. I'm hopeful it works out well, sad because I did really love her and also feeling a bit like a failure as the last two rescue animals I've adopted seem to have been such a bad fit for me or my home. I've got my other two cats whom I love to pieces, they're my babies since I won't be having any babies. Yet I still feel myself yearning to have a dog. I miss having a dog. A dog that I can interact with without it shitting itself in fear. I know my schedule isn't ideal for having a dog but I also believe that I could make it work if I found the right dog. I'm just scared of failing again and disliking myself more because of it.
Recovery was a lot worse than I thought it would be (I should have known better knowing I was pretty much having 3 different procedures done I know), but I'm through the worst of it. I still get uncomfortable if I'm on my feet a lot which worries me about going back to work but I'm sure I'll get through it. I've been released now by two of my three doctors. Yay! Especially the urologist as his office is always so freaking behind.
Emotionally I'm doing a bit better. My regular doctor started me on a second medication and then this week I did start hormone replacement therapy. I had decided to wait and see on the HRT and for the first 5 weeks or so I thought cool, I won't need that as I was freezing constantly. Then about a week ago the hot flashes started. And kept getting worse. Holy hell did they get worse. That along with the mood issue made me think that for now it's the better option so I'll see how it goes. Of course the acquaintance mentioned in previous posts that had opinions on my taking pain medication 2 weeks after surgery had an opinion on HRT as well so I just kept my mouth shut on what meds I'm taking. None of her freaking business either. Yes I know I should stand up for myself more maybe although I have been standing up to her and I've also decided that since it's not likely to be a long term friendship I can hold my tongue and not tell her stuff that isn't her business although I have pointed out to her that our tastes in many things (other than our craft habits) is vastly different. She's nice in some ways but very opinionated and I tend to be a bit weak at standing up for myself or feeling walked on. However I'm finding that if I just don't discuss certain things then I don't end up feeling like my beliefs or feelings are being stomped on. I don't know if that makes sense to most but for now it works.
This week I've also taken a bit of a step back from FB. No I haven't unfriended some of those that have been annoying me. Mostly what's been annoying me is all the political posting stuff and all the gun stuff. On one had I respect peoples right to have guns within reason but god dang I'm tired of seeing pictures of guns plastered all over FB. That and it seems like so few people any more post anything about what they're doing, just other pictures they picked up somewhere on the internet. For me FB was a way to connect with people I had lost contact with or people that I didn't see very often. It just feels like I don't get that anymore. I don't deny that I'm sure there are those who don't love or agree with everything I share as well but I like to think that I stay fairly conservative with what I share. I also know that lately I've been a bit over sensitive and maybe stepping away is a good thing.
One thing I've been afraid to say much about is my decision to rehome one of my cats. Last year I had adopted a 9 year old at the time Cornish Rex from a local shelter. I had a friend from work who had seen her at the shelter and was told that she wasn't up for adoption. When I went out to see her they were more receptive to letting her be adopted when I told them I had 2 other Cornish Rex's and I ended up taking her home that day. She took to me or claimed me right away but has never gotten along with my other two cats. I've had problems non stop with inappropriate urination with her (she peed all over my hallway, on a chair numerous times, a towel on the kitchen counter, a shelf in the bathroom, stacks of towels in the bathroom, in a change dish, on clothes on the dresser, on some stuffed animals on a shelf including a teddy bear I've had since I was a year and a half old, and on my bed). How much of this was territorial or related to my other older cat who thinks she's a dog and insists on using puppy potty pads I have no idea but she did seem re trainable when I left her with my vet over a weekend where she was confined and when she came home she stuck with the litter box. She continued however to be very aggressive to my other two cats who both lived here before she did. After a year I realized that she wasn't going to get any better with them and would likely be happier herself as an only cat. So right before Christmas I started looking for a new home for her. Last week I found someone who knowing all of her quirks was still interested in adopting her and so Saturday I met the person half way between our homes and did the exchange. I'm hopeful it works out well, sad because I did really love her and also feeling a bit like a failure as the last two rescue animals I've adopted seem to have been such a bad fit for me or my home. I've got my other two cats whom I love to pieces, they're my babies since I won't be having any babies. Yet I still feel myself yearning to have a dog. I miss having a dog. A dog that I can interact with without it shitting itself in fear. I know my schedule isn't ideal for having a dog but I also believe that I could make it work if I found the right dog. I'm just scared of failing again and disliking myself more because of it.
2 comments:
I am so sorry about the cat. What a hard position to be in, though it sounds as if the new situation will be better for the cat. So not exactly a fail. More just a sideways change. Which I hope opens the door to the right dog coming into your life.
I hear you with FB. I find that the days that this one person posts gun stuff are the days that I skim the whole feed because it unnerves me.
When your animals are not living happily with each other you figure out a different solution. You could not have known she was going to pee everywhere. The mature decision is to find a new home where the animal has a chance to be happy. You have a big heart and you can't say you didn't try!
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