Ok, so it seriously feels like I am wasting time and eggs here. On Saturday of last week my CM showed up and it just about drove me nuts for several days knowing I had no sperm. I was ovulating and could do nothing about it. So, I definitely need to try in July, even if it's another home try. I hate waiting just to try. I hate feeling like my body is doing something and I can't do anything to participate in the cycle.
Everything else in life feels like it's in limbo right now. I still don't have a contract for my next assignment. I've heard rumors that they don't offer a new contract until the very end of the assignment but it really sucks because I can't work on getting a new apartment lined up, or making plane reservations to go home. I can't get a hold of the fertility clinic and ask to be a patient since I don't know for sure if I will be here in July. I know I probably will but don't know for sure if I will. Plus, I really dislike the job. Last night, most all of the nurses on my unit had 6 patients each which is against California state law. It's state mandated for a 5 to 1 nurse to patient ratio which is the main reason I came to California. I started off my night with 5 patients in the overflow room doing primary care on all 5. Which means, I was doing the job of the CNA in addition to doing my job. I moved all those patients out to the floor by around midnight and was supposed to get help which I didn't. Then between 11:30 and 5 I got 5 new patients which amounts to a ton of paperwork. I finally complained loud enough that I got some help so it wasn't just me taking care of everyone but still. I feel like at times I am really risking my nursing license at this hospital. I had a patient with orders to move him to a floor where he got more advanced care and that didn't have for almost 5 hours. The only reason I find myself wanting to stay at this assignment is because I want to use the fertility clinic which at times feels crazy. So, I wait to find out what next and I don't even know for sure what to wish for.
6 comments:
Dang girl..sounds like a bad situation. No fertility clinic is worth your nursing license..you guys go through hell in nursing school..totally not worth throwing it away! So, you think you'll do a home insem? Maybe it will be good for you..being at home and relaxed..it be the golden ticket?
Sorry you had a rough night at work..hope the next one is better.
M...wow talk about a tough assignment. Out...nursing is no joke....the balancing act & juggling so many balls in the air reminds me of teaching in the public school system. You are certainly one dynamic person to be able to juggle all that high intensity situations. I am with poster "b" above, no fertility clinic is worth your professional license which boils down to your livelyhood once your BFP occurs & the baby arrives. Sounds like you are moving closer & closer to that BFP. Hugs all around Michell!
My mom and sisters #3 and #4 are nurses and this is happening everywhere. My mother worried many times about losing her license. Ugg... sorry and I hope it chills a bit for you. And limbo. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Take care of yourself.
I know what you mean about the eggs.. exactly what you mean!
Sorry about the nursing situation... that sucks. Come here, I tell ya we have tons of hospitals.. and you can bring your doggie!!! We have room for one more!
Gosh, I totally saw a different side of nursing while my Mom was in the hospital. The nurses worked their tails off and were spread very thin.
I hear you on wasting time and eggs. Doesn't it suck??? It's hard to sit out a cycle because you know you could be creating a baby...hang in there. Maybe in the next couple of weeks you will have more information about where you are going and that will make things a little less stressful...
Michell I feel your pain about the wait. Its torture . This whole TTC process is about waiting. You wait for the sperm, for ovulation, wait to pee on a stick and then wait 9 months once you get the BFP.
WAITING SUCKS!
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