Feeling Better

Well, thanks everyone for your kind words of support. I am feeling somewhat better. Partially because I have a plan. Granted I still have spent the last few days thinking of all the worst possible scenarios. What if I start menopause early, what if I never get pregnant, what if it takes me 15 tries like I've read it has some people (I will be totally loony if it goes that far I'm sure). All of these thoughts have led me to decide that I need to investigate various hormone levels prior to spending any more money on donor sperm. I have one vial left but am planning to use it as IUI and have my doctor do it after I have gotten some lab work done, maybe next month. I called my doctors office today and spoke to my doctors nurse and told her what I wanted (I forgot to tell her though that I was CD 3) and she said she would talk to the doc and call me back this afternoon. I told her I wanted to check FSH, Estradiol and Progesterone for sure and that I knew I was going to have to have at least a couple of different lab draws. I also am taking my antidepressant again. I really don't think that I can keep doing this TWW unmedicated since things that would seem bad normally anyways (fear of not getting pregnant) seem like at least 100 times worse unmedicated I've decided that maintain my sanity it's necessary. Then once I do get pregnant I can wean myself off of the meds. Not the best situation but a necessary one for me. I noticed the last few days feeling very much like past times where everything seems so dark and hopeless. My med is a pregnancy catagory B which means it's one of the safer ones for pregnancy so it should be ok for a few weeks into the pregnancy. So, that is my plan for now.
I had a good time in Seattle but then I always have a good time when I spend time with my best friend R. We have been friends since we were 12 and I have to say that I really don't know what I would do without her. I also got to meet Berrymom for lunch on Monday and had a great time visiting with her and getting to see the absolutely adorable Ethan. And while I was at Bell Square I found and bought some Martini mixers that are wonderful. They let me sample the mixer without the alcohol of course in the store so I bought some of each and I need to go get some Vodka. Since I'm not pregnant, I may as well enjoy some martinis. One was an orange pomegranate mixer and the other was a raspberry peach. Yumm.
Oh and happy happy, it's a little bit sunny. I am so sick of clouds, rain, snow and dreary weather. Of course it's still pretty windy here but I'll take it. I even went outside and took the dog for a walk this morning much to her delight.