My neighbor has a couple of times in the past invited me to go for a walk. Last week she mentioned we should do something on the weekend but I explained I was working, maybe next week. I'm not sure she understood why I couldn't go for a walk,or something when I wasn't at work although I explained that on days I work, I work and I sleep. Seriously that's about it. So Tuesday I texted her and asked if she wanted to do something this week. She responded with "walk tomorrow" "wine Thursday" I responded with sure, either sounded good or both, she said "great". So last night it was nearly 8pm when she got home which is later than usual. Never texted or anything saying something had come up. Never said anything today or texted etc. I never heard from her this evening either. So my thought is if she doesn't have enough respect to at least text and say hey, something came up, it's not going to work, she's not really the type of person I want to make an effort to initiate plans with. Then I wonder if I'm being to harsh as it's not like they were major plans. However again it feels like a lack of respect. It wasn't that I was so disappointed we didn't go for a walk. More that if she couldn't follow through on this why would she follow through on something bigger. Also I would see this differently (at least a bit although I'd still probably be hurt) if this was a close friend I'd known for quite a while.
Am I being unreasonable in this? I will also admit that there is a part of me that tends to feel like "why bother, people will let me down" and something like this reinforces that however most of the time I'm just fine with my own company and not going crazy with loneliness since I spend a large amount of time on my own.
7 comments:
Maybe she forgot? Or it's something simple? Maybe initiate and set a firm time, like "hey, want to walk next Thursday at 6? Meet you by the mailbox." or something. If it's specific, and she still blows you off, then I wouldn't attempt again.
That would annoy me too (and does, in fact, as we are having a similar problem with a family member). It sucks. Hugs to you.
Maybe she was waiting to hear from you? Did you send a text that afternoon or evening, checking in?
It sounds like she's interested in friendship and is reaching out. Don't give up. It's a give and take.
You mentioned she came in late. Maybe something came up. Maybe she remembered but was too tired to say anything.
Don't be harsh on yourself. Just be glad that perhaps it is better that she acted up and did not force you into a social situation that you may not like.
If you are keen, maybe you can text her and ask if she would like a cup of coffee or a walk sometime next week.
Don't feel like you have been stood up...we may not know what happened to her.
On the other side, we have a neighbour who has been wanting to see M for a while...she always says it and never actually visits, when she is just three doors away. So, some people are just like that.
It does seem a little inconsiderate but she's your neighbor and you have to live near her. May as well give her another chance.
It does seem a little inconsiderate but she's your neighbor and you have to live near her. May as well give her another chance.
I don't think you're being overly sensitive (I would be annoyed, too). Were the plans set plans? Meaning, was it a "we should get together" type feel to the interaction, or was a time, place, I'm-jotting-this-in-my-datebook type plan set. With the first one, I'd let it go. She may have thought that getting together was an aim but not a sure thing. If it was the second one, I'd give her another chance and then talk about it if it happened again.
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