Compassion

It feels like it's been a long ass couple of weeks.  I'm still not getting nearly as much sleep as I'd like but then sometimes what I'd like is a bit too much.  At some point I'm hoping I'll find a balance.  The good news is that sleeping at night is going really well.  Lily will sleep 4-5 hours at a time (once nearly 6) and so I get that much sleep too.  Day time is still rough.  She still wants to play when it's light out and I still want to sleep after having worked all night. I used to laugh at the whole helicopter parent thing and I think I've become one. To a dog. I worry a lot that I'm not doing good enough. But that seems to be a theme that runs throughout my life, touching virtually every aspect.
I think that this lack of confidence has led to a lot of the compulsive behaviors I've got.  Like  shopping. I joke about being a shop-a-holic but really it's fairly accurate. I love to buy things.  Often things I don't ever use since it's the buying and having that seem to be what motivates me.  I want to change this and I'm working on it.  That and being nicer to myself. 
Which leads to the compassion.  I'm a nurse.  To some extent I show compassion to others on a daily basis.  Or at least the days I work.  Yet for some reason I seem to be almost unable to show it to myself. I doubt everything I do.  I worry constantly about not being good enough in some way or another.  I am routinely nicer to others than I am to myself.  It's frustrating to be able to see that trait or habit and yet feel unable to change it. To feel like I truly am not good enough as I am and that I have to continually strive to be something or someone else.