How many of us haven't heard the phrase "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."? I know that I've heard it many times. I'm sure one of the times I heard it was as a child when I went home crying to my mom that this person or that person who I had been friends with yesterday had told me today that they didn't like me or said something mean to me, or told me I was fat or ugly. I remember feeling so hurt that my mom would usually say something like "don't worry about it" or "don't let them bother you". I'm sure that in her mind she was "helping" me. Trying to tell me that people change and paths change and that likely tomorrow my friend and I would be friends again, or that the person saying mean things was jealous of me for something. I'm sure that she rationalized that if I just ignored it, it would go away and that all would be fine. Looking at it now though I realize how stupid that phrase is and how untrue. Words do hurt. Sometimes to the point of beyond healing or beyond repair. You can't take words back, apologies don't wipe them away or delete them. They will always be there in the mind of the hearer. Words can ruin someones hope, dreams, and spirit. Words in the form of bullying have been a reason beyond extreme violence in schools and suicides. Words can hurt so much more than many people even realize. No, they won't break your bones but what they can break is so much more important.
All of this makes me think about the type of parent I want to be, or the type I don't want to be. I don't want to ever be the type of parent that tells my child to ignore it, or that the words won't hurt them. I hope that if ever faced with that situation I can gracefully validate their hurt and champion them to those who have hurt them. I also hope that I can teach them how much words can hurt and that they should never be used as weapons against someone else.
9 comments:
Extremely well put. Very good post.
So very true. I work hard to make sure my little boy knows that bruises can heal quickly, but hurt feelings can take much longer... Thank you for writing this... ag
So true. And as you are so aware of this, I'm sure you won't be the mother who tell her child to just ignore hurtful words, that you will be there for them.
A gorgeous post, sweetie, and a very important idea. And it's terrible how hurtful words do so much more damage than good words can do good.
Beautiful post.
Whenever I'm told, "don't worry about it," or "it's no big deal," it feels like my feelings and experiences are being discounted. This has happened to me a lot, and I try really hard not to do this, even when the thing the other person is upset about seems insignificant.
Thanks for making me think. :)
I think that sometimes parents just don't know WHAT to say when their children are hurting. BUT, you're right, words can hurt worse than physical blows and that needs to be addressed, not blown off.
I agree completely! It is so important to validate how someone else feels and words do hurt.
I was thinking about something similar the other day. A rude neighbor yelled at me because my dog wasn't on a leash - she was watching long enough to see that I was by myself and then the dog joined me (he got out of the yard).
That feeling of being treated badly stayed with me much longer than the feeling from someone doing something nice for me - like helping me get LB's stroller into the Rocket Bakery.
I'm trying very hard to teach my girl that she needs to mean what she says, and if she doesn't mean it, she shouldn't say it. I'm not sure how to address it when she's on the receiving end, but I think more discussion than "it's no big deal" or "don't listen to them" wil be in order.
Words as weapons are still weapons.
Great post.
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