Charting and more

I've been keeping up pretty good with my charting etc this month and it's been interesting. I've been temping every day and that seems to be going ok even though I temp in the afternoon when I wake up. I also have been using my sometimes working clear blue easy fertility monitor. Two days ago it was still registering low, then yesterday it showed peak. Wow, that was quick. I've also been using the opks that you are just supposed to pee on that I got from NW and I don't think I like them. For one thing, I still haven't gotten a positive on them and I got a peak on my monitor yesterday. I've been checking with them at least 4 to 5 times a day/night. Also is the fact that I bought the ones that you just pee on (not pee in a cup and dip) as I take them to work at night and test and it would be sooooo much easier to just pee on it, and wait and see rather than sneak a cup into the BR and pee, then dip etc. Well, the problem is that here is this stick with instructions saying that you are not supposed to pee or get urine above the arrow. So, I have about an inch worth of stick to pee on. Ok, well, I'm not a guy and I can't exactly see where I'm peeing at. Sorry that's a bit graphic but I'm getting frustrated as I have had 3 so far that flat out have not worked because there was pee where it shouldn't be. So, at home, I end up peeing in a cup anyways and then dipping which totally defeats the purpose of buying the more expensive tests so they would be easier to do. I suppose though that if I don't get a postive, I may go back to using answer opks. Ok, so I know I don't have a reason to stress about this yet as I'm only charting and not AI'ing yet but basically I think the reason is that I am so scared this won't work and I won't be able to get pregnant. I just want it to all be so clear about when I ovulate etc but if I'm getting opks that don't work for me (this would be the second brand) then maybe there is something off with my hormones. I'm 36 almost 37. What if I waited too long.
Well, I sent out my Christmas cards and I did include in my letter my plans. I decided to go ahead and tell people what my plans are now. It may sound weird but I don't want to contact people later next year and say "Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant" and have them wondering/thinking that I had a fling and ended up pregnant accidentally. I want people to know that this is a planned journey for me, that I am going into this with my eyes wide open. I know that it shouldn't really matter what they think, but to some extent it does I guess, these people are what little bit of family that I have left and while I don't see them very often, I really love that they are my aunts, uncles and cousins. So, I sent the letter. Of course now I'm thinking "oh my gosh, should I have done that??" But I know it was the right thing for me. Which then left me needing to let my mom know somehow. I thought about an e-mail, but I don't know how often she checks hers and if it took several days or a week or more, it may get to her by other methods and I would really rather she hear it from me. So I wrote her a letter explaining my plans. Not that I think that will make her take it any better. Yes, I realize that some may think that I should have called her and told her but I guess I don't really feel the need to do that. I have only spoken to my mom on the phone 3 or 4 times in the last 4 1/2 years and I guess I just don't feel the need to talk to her now. It's a very long story but basically it comes down to the fact that because of differences in opinion about religion, I have no relationship with my mom whatsoever and probably never will. It took me a very long time to come to peace with that but I feel that I mostly have. So, a letter to her, should suffice just fine.
Well, I'm just getting off work after a 5 night stretch. I ended up picking up a second job at another hospital here in Spokane that also has a NICU and will be doing the same thing there. The second job is to pay off bills and I'm getting started with a bang. With as busy as my unit is (we have like 40 babies) and me picking up extra shifts at my full time job, plus orientation at the other hospital, I am working an ungodly 128 hours in 2 weeks. Right in the middle of the Christmas season. Oh well, the checks will be good and I should be able to pay off at least one bill.