Back To School

Ok so it's been a while since I posted here.  I know, I'm bad at posting.  I tend to forget that not everyone who reads here doesn't see me on Facebook as well.  I'm good at updating FB regularly.  My blog not so much.  

Yes I am officially going back to school.  After a bit of back and forth I was finally accepted into the program I wanted and I start classes next Monday.  Wow.  Good news is that pretty much all of the extra stuff I took in nursing school carried over and other than my 9 nursing classes I have to take to finish my bachelors degree I only have to take statistics.  Yay!! I was so not looking forward to taking a bunch of unnecessary classes.  Especially since I'm paying for all of this out of my pocket.  Yes, that's a big ouch.  My first 7 week session of classes is nearly $1500. I will be able to get a little reimbursement from work which will help but it will still be up to me.  I of course don't qualify for any grant money etc because I make way too much money and because of my bankruptcy I am not eligible for any loan money.  Oh well.  I think I can still manage it ok.  

Work is going pretty well.  I enjoy it about as much as you can enjoy work.  I like what I do but yes I do sometimes fantasize about how nice it would be to not have to do it.  I enjoy working with the babies.  I get a kick out of them and most of the time the moms are pretty great too.  Yes there is the dysfunction.  Sometimes a frightening amount of it but knowing that I can help some of these families in some small way is satisfying.  

That said the farther I get from infertility and treatments the less I want to go back.  I enjoy working with the babies but I don't feel the same need to pursue parenting anymore.  I like my life as it is.  The few times I've read on someone else's journey through another cycle all I can think is that I have no desire to do that again. Even if I magically was given enough money that I could afford a cycle, actually spending the money on a cycle wouldn't even make the top 5 of what I'd like to spend the money on.  I finally truly believe in my heart that I'm done and I'm ok with that.  It's not where I would have pictured myself but it's still not a bad place to be.  I have a lot of advantages that I probably wouldn't have as a single parent.  Not to say that I wouldn't have loved being a parent or that I wouldn't have been good at it but I'm good with where I'm at.