Last week I passed the one year anniversary of gastric bypass. On the 21st which was officially one year my weight was 191. 115 pounds lost. I've definitely plateaued and seem to be hanging out between 190 and 195 since around January. I'm mostly ok with this... I'm ok with the number and don't honestly care that much about the actual number. I know that I look, and feel much better than I did a year ago and am a lot healthier than I was a year ago. I'm ok with how I look. At least as long as I'm not looking at myself naked as all the jiggly bits are a bit horrifying to me. What scares me is that I'm still really close to that 200 pound mark which is a mark I don't ever want to go over again and I'd feel more comfortable if I was a bit farther from it. Or at least I think and have convinced myself that I'd feel more comfortable. Then again since so many women (myself included) seem to almost thrive on being unhappy with our bodies who knows. Yes I'm still working on exercise and trying to keep my food on track. The food part is a bit harder. It seems like there are more and more foods I don't like, I hate cooking and after eating the same meal over and over again I get tired of it. Hence I don't eat meals and then snack. Most of my snacks are fairly healthy but even things like nuts and dates and raisins can be bad if you eat too much.
All of that said and all of the things in my life that are going pretty good I'm still feeling a bit down. Things are really going well and I know that. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. There's just things that make me sad and right now they seem to be piling up a bit more than usual.
Trying to conceive and infertility have been on my mind a lot more lately. A lot more. I'm not sure why. Or maybe I know why and I just don't know what to do about it. I'm just feeling more and more like that ship has sailed and the letting go is painful.
I'm having a really hard time with Lizzie and that's making me miss Sadie horribly. I miss Sadie's pure joy in everything. With Lizzie I get the excitement that I'm home in the morning but only from a distance. She's happy to see me yet is too afraid to let me pet her. She still doesn't trust me and it seems like it's getting worse, not better. If I try to put her harness on her she freaks out so completely I can barely get it on her. If she sees me get the harness she will not come near me at all. I tried leaving it on her and she chewed it off. Even if I get it on her I'm afraid to take her out as she freaks out if there is anyone walking towards us or she gets caught on something or any tension on the leash and will pull her body out of the harness. If she gets out of the harness I can't catch her again. Not even with treats. I can't play with her as she thinks I'm trying to hurt her if I throw toys for her or whatever. I would love to get my hands on whatever fool made her this way. I know she is doing the best she can and I do know that she was never a replacement for Sadie. However I'm at my wits end trying to deal with her and help her. Then feeling guilty when I get frustrated with the situation or with her. I guess I'm just feeling completely overwhelmed by dealing with her and feeling like I'm not doing enough or doing it right but not knowing what else to do.
So that's where I'm at right now.
16 comments:
I've heard from people who have dealt with abused dogs that the learning to trust again period can seem like it takes forever. And, just when it seems like it is going no where, you can make a break through. Persistence and consistency are the key and it sounds like you have that covered. Even though it's hard, try not to be discouraged. You are doing a good thing.
Also, I am so happy to see you one year out from the surgery and doing so well.
A year already! Congrats on your great success with weight loss. Wonderful to feel healthier. I'm sorry you're feeling down and I know letting go of a big dream is so hard. Hope things get better with Lizzy.
Wow, I can't believe it has already been a year since your surgery! Congrats! You look amazing and I am so proud of you. That little puppy is lucky to have you, but i bet it must be hard for both of you.. hang in there. : )
wow, its been a year already!? congrats on such progress!!!
i hope you do have a breakthrough with lizzie - sounds like you are doing everything right. maybe she just needs a little more time...
You have done an INCREDIBLE job! So proud of you!
I am so very impressed with your weight loss hun, just so impressed.
I am so sorry about Lizzie, I will be honest though, I think you should be open to finding a home for her because you don ned the stress. You need a pet that really fits your lifestyle right now. A pet who does not need a ton of room but who loves walks and that you can maybe try out first.
Much love. We all miss you!!!
When I had issues with my dog (different type) I called a couple of dog behavior specialists to get ideas on what to do. Both were phone consultations as I live in a rural area, but the suggestions worked really well.
It might be worth a go.
1 year already! Wanted to say congratulations! You've done a great job & come so far.
I feel the same way about being naked and I think we should stop worrying about it. If someone doesn't want to be around you because of how you look naked they aren't worthy of your time.
I don't know anything about abused animals but I want to say you must be kind and brave to take one one.
Stay strong.
I feel the same way about my naked body but I'm trying to get over it. If someone doesn't want to be around me because of how I look naked I don't think I want to be with them anyway.
I don't know anything about abused animals but I just wanted to say you are a kind and brave person to take one one.
Stay strong.
Congrats on the one year!
That is awful how Lizzie was treated! It must be very tough dealing with her, but I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job!
115 pounds is such a huge accomplishment. I am so proud of you, so I can't even imagine how proud you must be of yourself. That was hard work -- and you did it.
Poor Lizzie. Poor you. I think Kristin's advice is spot on.
It's hard - we took in a little Chi rescue last Dec & are still in the process of gaining his trust...
TWICE last week, I was chasing him down the side of a busy road bcz he jumped out of the car, & won't come when he's called! All I could think of was how could I break the bad news to my hubby that this lil' booger got flattened - he's really taken a shine to this dog.
Maybe judicious doses of antianxiety meds for your Lizzie?
Whoops, was wondering where comment went? but I was also going to compliment you on 115 lb weight loss; that's TREMENDOUS! if I ever see the back side of 200 lbs again, I will never forget the battle it has been for me...It is next to impossible to peel off weight in the absence of my thyroid.
Watching my naked body doesn't make me feel over the moon. I guess, there must be some excess skin because of the weight loss and all, and maybe someday you will be able to have that surgery.
I am so sorry for the trouble that you have with Lizzie. I hope someday Lizzie realizes that you love her and won't hurt her at all.
Hugs to you.
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