Mine, lots and not much all at the same time. It feels like it's been forever since I've posted much of anything (I started this post over a week ago and am just now finishing it and posting it) and there has been plenty of things happening but then not much of it really felt worth posting about. I seem to spend the majority of my time reading, sewing and with friends and my furbabies lately and sort of spend very minimal time on my computer. Especially since I can check my e-mail and facebook from my phone. Checking blogs or blogging are a bit more complicated. As in I haven't actually figured it out yet.
Work is work. It's going fine and I like my job. Some nights I work the nursery and some nights I work on the floor taking couplets (moms and babies). They asked me at work to be a superuser for the new computer charting system that we will start using later this year and I agreed. Something new and different to try. I like variety and this will help with that.
Outside of work though it seems like a rarely even turn the computer on anymore. I feel bad that I'm not keeping up with every one's blogs as much but I also feel a bit like I've grown away from the TTC or infertility part of my life. At least for now. I can't say for certain that I will never try again but it isn't something that consumes me constantly any more. The reason for that is a bit more unclear. Sometimes I think that I'm really ok with never being a parent and sometimes I think that I've sort of some how managed to fool myself into think I'm ok with it as a defense mechanism in case it never happens. As always though life goes on whether it takes the planned path or makes it's own path and I find that I'm liking it more or feeling more at peace with it than I ever have before.
My weight loss has sort of leveled off at 110 to 115 pounds. I'm sure there are those who would say I didn't do very good as I could have lost more weight but I'm ok with where I'm at. I feel good. I'm still working at becoming more active (although I still don't really have a four legged walking partner as the little goof still sort of freaks out half the time when I take her outside) , I think it may be a life long sort of struggle as my favorite past times don't usually include a gym or weight machines etc. I am self conscious about some of the excess skin/flab that I have on various parts of my body but don't know if I will ever manage to save enough money for much plastic surgery and realistically my insurance isn't likely to cover it. I like me. Or most of me. There are still parts that bug me and things about myself that I question but for the most part I feel better about myself than I have in a really long time.
Two weeks ago I had a date. The fact that I'm still processing and not all that excited about going out again tells me that the spark or whatever wasn't there. He seemed like a nice guy but it just didn't feel like a good fit or what I was looking for. Then of course came the oh so annoying guilt that maybe I'm not giving it enough of a chance or that I'm not open minded enough but I think a lot of what it comes down to, is that I like being on my own enough that I'm not willing to settle for the first person who pays attention to me. I've been there before and it wasn't very fun or nice and I don't have much desire to go there again.
So that's my life. A whole lot of not much news and a bunch of little everything thrown in to keep it interesting.
6 comments:
M, Hey I am glad you posted! I loved reading about your life! Nice to hear from you again. Hey, on the moving away from TTC front, I understand 100%! I pulled away almost 3 years ago and it was almost a strange relief to be away from the consuming nature of TTC. Now, I am back with a better mindset and better career/Financial placement as well. I like chatting with you, so whatever math you choose, thanks for letting me stay a part. :) Congrats again on the AMAZING weight loss! Way to go Girl!!!!
Wow, a date, huh?
You could always get a little doggie stroller to go on walks with her...kidding!
Glad you posted. I'm not so good at keeping up with blogs anymore. Sounds like you're trying to figure out what kind of life you want to have and that's a good thing. Good that you're getting out, but stick to your guns about the person you want to be with. My friend said that she only had two criteria, and that was she had to be attracted to him, and he had to be good to her. She said for only two it was difficulty to find that combination, but she did. So don't settle. I konw how hard it is to find time for exercise, but I think your weight loss was amazing, so you have a fan here. Take care.
That is a lot! : ) I am sorry i have been missing for so long. i quit blogging a year ago and now am going to try to get back into it. I am afraid facebook has taken over the incentive to do real posts, though! Anyhow, I am so proud of how far you have come and I think you are an inspiration! Hugs, ag
Anyone that tells you that you 'didn't do very good' at losing 115lbs can suck it!!
Dating . . . that is sort of an evil word at my house. I don't even want to think about it!
As far as dates go, if the spark is missing, there is no use really. But if the guy was nice, and if he is interested too, you could go out another time and give it a try.
I am glad you have lost so much weight. With the pending body issues, you can work at them gradually and as and when you can.
I am glad that atleast IF is off from your mind.
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