Cousins

I read somewhere (another blog I think?) that cousins are our first best friends. When I was a kid and before school and friends and growing up and being an adult I used to spend so much time with my cousins. It makes me a little sad that I haven't kept in better contact with them in past years. Facebook though has been fabulous for reconnecting though. Yesterday as I was out walking my dog I was also walking along and laughing hysterically at a post my cousin sent me that was my dad's favorite "rant" when he was pissed off. It was so funny. It brought back so many other fabulous memories. Memories of weekends spent together building whole room tents and hiding out. Games of hide and seek and hot and cold. The adventures we took (the time we walked to downtown Tacoma comes to mind and my mom's major freak out when she found out). Time we spent talking on the phone and the threats of a hundred pigeons who hadn't pooped in a year being sent my way. Guess you had to be there. It's funny and strange to me though how much I remember my cousins being a part of my life up to a certain point and then how they just weren't so much after that. I find myself wondering what it was that changed. I also find myself wishing I could spend more time with them. See over the years I've let many of the relationships with family slip away. Part of it was influence from my mom as she started to really get over involved in her religion and while I was still in the phase of trying to please her. That whole keep yourself separate from those who didn't believe thing. Part of it maybe was fear. Fear of rejection or something. I'm not even totally sure. Other than I've spent years of my life fearing that no one wanted to be around me. It's nice to be able to move past some of those fears and to be in a place where I can reach out to them more than I used to and re-connect. It's even interesting (and nice) to me that their kids talk to me on facebook sometimes. Especially since I didn't really expect their kids to even remember me since I hadn't been around much.

It makes me feel like I wasn't quite as alone as I used to think I was, I was just to afraid to look at what was there, for fear that it wouldn't be there. Strange, I know. But it's baby steps and a work in progress. All I know is it's nice to have my cousins back.