Blech!

Yes, that's how I feel. I've been feeling a bit off for a couple of days now. I can't tell if it's from stress or if it's related to the surgery. I had a doctors appointment today. I had made the appointment a couple of weeks ago at my last appointment but hadn't went in while on leave to request the day off two weeks in advance. So I asked about it the other day and was strongly urged to reschedule it as coming in late to work without it being approved wouldn't be good in the current environment and if I was more than I think half an hour late it would count as a whole unapproved sick day. I had figured I'd cancel it but then Tuesday and yesterday I really didn't feel good at all. I was nauseous all day and couldn't figure out why. Looking at the fact that I really didn't feel good I didn't really feel like I could miss the appointment with my surgeon today either. So I called in sick and went to my appointment. He told me to go back to liquids for a couple of days and see if that helps. If I'm still feeling badly next week then we may have to look farther. So today I've had protein shakes and crystal light. I also haven't really wanted much else. Docs theory is that it could be a stricture (I don't think it is because I'm not feeling what is usually given as the symptoms of a stricture) or that it could be an obstruction. Of course he asked about bathroom habits and I realized that I knew it had been a couple of days but not for sure how many days. I suppose I should start keeping track of that as well now. I have been taking stool softeners but so far it's not become a daily habit. Far cry from my previous irritable bowel that used to send me running for the bathroom several times a day. I can't decide which I like least. I finally drank some milk*of Ma*g and that seemed to do the trick for now but I'd love to avoid drinking that on a regular basis.

Since I wasn't going to work I went ahead and went to my appointment with my therapist today too. We did discuss the whole work stress situation and the lack of other options at the moment. We also discussed how I have managed to control my fear of rejection but building a nice little fence around myself that keeps me safe. How I don't let certain things past and how I avoid situations that will take me beyond that fence. I can see it, it's true. Of course the bigger discussion or decision is do I want to leave it there or take it down. On one side, I'm sort of ok in those boundaries. There are things that don't go smoothly or great with it but if you don't want marriage, children etc your much less likely to be hurt when you don't get them. On the other side, left as is you may all be watching me someday on a TV show about hoarders or crazy cat ladies. Yes I know there is a LOT more to it all than the little bit above but for now that's the perspective I'm looking at. Makes me want to pick up my book and disappear a bit. Hmm. I wonder if I'm fixable.