More Decisions To Make

Ok so I honestly will probably be sitting this cycle out. I didn't even think about that I can't order the sperm shipper again from NW as they aren't accepting any orders from me until I update my paperwork and I haven't had time to research buying one from somewhere else. I would need it all by Monday or Tuesday of next week so I don't think I have time to get my hands on one this time around. I think it is really weird how NW can be so helpful and provide great customer service to some and such a pain for others. I know that part of the reason they are being difficult with me now is that I've had so many different address changes in the last few months and I do understand that. However, it always seems like something like this happens when I'm in a time crunch. Even back when I had to send in a deposit which I hadn't had to have before. I had to overnight the money and then order everything as a rush. When I needed sperm in July and all the sudden I can't come pick them up so then I have to ship for absolutely astronomical shipping charges and again I have to rush things because since I can't pick them up it's an extra 2 days on to everything. And yes I'm sure they would reason that I wasn't planning ahead but I feel like they keep changing their policies with me without giving me any advance notice. I also think that their shipping charges to local areas are crazy. I've seen a couple of other sperm banks that offer free shipping or ok to pick up if you live within a certain radius. M*dwest does as does one of the ones here in Cali I believe. I think it's crazy that I can have sperm shipped from much farther away with M*dwest for cheaper than I pay NW when I live in the same city. So that is my frustration and why I want to change banks. That said it worries me that at some point in the future I may need them and I hate to burn bridges.
So I'm like 5 days from my appointment and I'm hoping that it all works out and the doctor is ok with helping me. I talked to my agent today about upcoming assignments. He said that he has assignments open in S*nta B*rbara. I would LOVE to go there. However the pay sucks. The pay is at least a hundred a week less (yes that doesn't sound like much) than where I'm at now but the rent is going to be a lot more expensive there. Over a thousand a month there. I could get a place here for around 500.00 if I move somewhere cheaper. Yes I'm aware it's crazy to be thinking of moving again. However if I'm thinking about saving money it might be a better choice. Also I got a letter on my door today saying I was short on my rent because of pet rent and insurance. Now my lease said nothing about pet rent and I paid the amount on my lease so yes I will dispute this. But if I dispute this much, they may not allow me to renew my lease in November if I stay here. So I basically told my agent to give me until next week to decide. I keep thinking that I really want to go somewhere else but the money here is better than anywhere else and depending on how expensive the whole TTC thing ends up being, I will likely really need the extra money.
Last night at work I couldn't resist anymore. I work with another nurse who is pregnant, about 35 weeks now and tonight is her last night. She has been really nice to work with. I have had for several weeks this urge to feel her belly (nothing twisted about that, just a need to experience someone else's pregnancy until I manage to get pregnant myself). I have restrained myself so far as I think it's a bit weird to go touch someones belly unless invited or you know them really well. So finally last night she was standing there feeling the baby move and I couldn't resist anymore. I finally asked if I could feel and she said sure. What an amazing thing. I can't even imagine what that must feel like from the inside but it was amazing to feel this little being moving around and trying to get comfortable. All I can say is God please let me feel that someday. And that is saying a lot for me since I have problems asking God. Goes back to a long history of having warped things about God drummed into my brain which probably would bore you all or make you think I'm crazy. I'm not, I suppose I'm just lacking in the faith that others have.
So that's it for tonight. I slept all day and I feel like I could go back to sleep now. I have to work again the next 3 nights. I have found a way around my internet connection to post pictures. I can post to fl*ckr and then put a link here for you to go look at. I still haven't found a way to post the actual picture on my blog but there are pics. There are pics of my chubby self, for B there are pics of ducks. There are pics of my girlies and some of the pics I took at Pismo Beach.
Congrats to Deena on your BFP and to Rajen on your ultrasound results. Wow, twins. I'm so happy for all of you.